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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Angry Ex wants to take DS to home country?

64 replies

plantlover1 · 08/09/2023 17:18

Currently going through a divorce, still very early on. EX (on birth certificate) has no real interest in DS, doesn't see him, call, Facetime, nothing. However, he is suddenly adamant to take him to his home country in Europe. I suggested we establish regular contact first. He went on to say "I will have contact with my son whenever I want to have to contact with him" He is demanding to know school holidays and said he will get back to me when he books the trip. I am petrified in case he takes him and never brings him back. How can I refuse? He is having non of it and is so determined. I have DS's passport.

I am shaking and in bits. He wants to take him next month.

OP posts:

frazzledasarock · 08/09/2023 18:56

Get a prohibited steps order. Keep all communication on writing so you can prove he has threatened to remove you son from your care.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/09/2023 18:57

I agree re legal advice but also about hiding the passport in the meantime.

Keep all messages about this to show the court - if he says “no” to term time contact but wants the holidays that show him being unreasonable. Saying “I’ll have contact when I want” is also unreasonable and will be seen as such.

You can apply to a court to prohibit the other parent taking your child abroad - a “prohibited steps” order.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 08/09/2023 18:57

All he wants to do is show dc to his family to portray himself as a good dad, when in fact he’s a lousy one. He’s not wanting to take dc for any other reason. He can’t be bothered at home so can’t see him bothering on holiday with family. There could be a risk of kidnap, but as you say, he never sees him, so there’s a cats hells in chance he’d be able to take dc anywhere.
Get a solicitor to write him a letter.

HicIocusEst · 08/09/2023 18:58

Yes, it does look like your son is already Belgian as well as British:

"Babies born outside of Belgium to a Belgian parent are entitled to receive Belgian nationality if one of their parents was born in Belgium and has Belgian nationality. This applies no matter where the baby was born."

The father won't have needed to apply for Belgian citizenship, the child will be Belgian from birth (if the father was born there)

nevynevster · 08/09/2023 19:00

Don't you need both parent's signatures for a passport? Either way, get to a solicitor and understand the options. As these will vary. I hope because it's a European country then you are a slightly better position

nevynevster · 08/09/2023 19:06

As far as I know you can't hold dual citizenship as a Belgian national after 18. My brother born in Belgium had to give up rights to Belgian citizenship for this reason. It also requires Belgian children born abroad to be registered within 5 years of birth. So I think the risk of him getting a Belgian passport for your DS is low.
So I think you just stay calm, you hold the passport. Call the passport office as suggested by PPs and I think you'll be OK.

HotWaxToTheMax · 08/09/2023 19:20

@PonyPatter44 my ex argued with my child about their age. On their birthday.
Some men are not cut out to be fathers sadly 😔

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/09/2023 19:24

Belgium isn’t a massively dangerous country to be going to though in terms of kidnap risk - I suppose is there a chance he’ll take him onwards to somewhere else? Does he have family elsewhere?

frazzledasarock · 08/09/2023 19:26

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/09/2023 19:24

Belgium isn’t a massively dangerous country to be going to though in terms of kidnap risk - I suppose is there a chance he’ll take him onwards to somewhere else? Does he have family elsewhere?

If he takes him to Belgium and decides not to return him it will cause a lot of avoidable hassle and trauma.

also for someone who doesn’t live in Belgium how will OP go about beginning to look for her child?

DisquietintheRanks · 08/09/2023 19:31

It is really unlikely that a court is going to prevent a Belgiun father from ever taking his child to Belgium to visit family. Just saying.

DisquietintheRanks · 08/09/2023 19:33

@frazzledasarock using the police and the courts, the same as you would in the UK.

Original poster

plantlover1 · 09/09/2023 12:26

Thank you all for your messages.

DS is 5 years old.

OP posts:

Crapsummer2023 · 09/09/2023 12:28

Take your DSs passport to a close family members house. Do not trust this man. He may switch tactics and play nice to get in the family home and search for the passport.

Crapsummer2023 · 09/09/2023 12:37

I knew you were going to say he was controlling OP, and this is what concerns me. He’s angry that he can no longer control you so he will take away the person you love. Controlling people can become dangerous people when they lose control. Solicitor first thing Monday. Tell school first thing Monday. Get a ring doorbell fitted.

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