Angry Ex wants to take DS to home country?

[plantlover1]

Currently going through a divorce, still very early on. EX (on birth certificate) has no real interest in DS, doesn't see him, call, Facetime, nothing. However, he is suddenly adamant to take him to his home country in Europe. I suggested we establish regular contact first. He went on to say "I will have contact with my son whenever I want to have to contact with him" He is demanding to know school holidays and said he will get back to me when he books the trip. I am petrified in case he takes him and never brings him back. How can I refuse? He is having non of it and is so determined. I have DS's passport.

I am shaking and in bits. He wants to take him next month.

Good idea to seek legal advice op. Ask about a prohibitive steps order.

Is he likely to be happy to break the law? Is he going back to a country he could easily ‘disappear’ in with the child?

must be so scary for. I’m not sure if school can stop him taking his child if there isn’t an order preventing him.

We don't have an arrangement order in place. DS lives with me. I'm his sole carer. I have taken DS on holiday abroad a number of times.

Thank you all for the messages and advice. You've all been very helpful. I have saved the websites and will look into them when DS goes to bed.

You really do need to get the ball rolling regarding residency/parental responsibility for the child if you're divorcing. In most cases 50-50 is the default with the premise that the child lives with the mother. This means (again usually) that the father will be able to take the child on holiday abroad PROVIDED you give your consent. And vice versa. If you don't wish for that to happen, you are undoubtedly going to need a court order.

It may be worth calling the passport office but unlikely that a new passport would be issued to a non resident father on the basis of him stating the original is lost. Be aware also though that he may obtain a ppt from his own country for the child. A single man travelling abroad with a child is also very likely to be stopped and asked for the consent letter from the child's mother.

All scary stuff, and without wanting to worry you unduly, but you do need to set the wheels in motion, in the first instance for custody.

I'm not a passport expert but I don't think that someone who wasn't the person who previously applied for the passport could easily claim the passport was lost and request a new one to a different address without any checks taking place, even if he is the father.

If he hasn't shown much interest in the child it seems more likely he's wanting to take the child there for a holiday rather than abducting. If he's abducting into Europe, the most likely outcome would be the child's return and his loss of contact, so not a particularly good idea.

I say this as someone with an abusive ex, so not being naive but just not wanting OTT ideas to torture you OP.

To take a child abroad you need permission from all residential parents.

By blocking him taking him abroad that also means no foreign travel for you and your child either.

Contact the passport office and make sure a note is placed on the file.

Get a prohibited steps order or similar, a replacement passport can be applied for.

Whilst we were together he has given me consent to take DS on solo holidays and has paused no issues whilst separated also. I have previously suggested he calls and sees DS, he refused. I am in shock of how he suddenly wants to go as far as take him abroad. I mean he has just asked me for DS's school name and website so he can access the website for holiday dates.

That's not true if a CAO is in place stating residence. The RP can take the child on holiday without the other parent's permission.

@Doyoumind What does this mean please?

As he has parental rights he can seek a new passport. However, as he's not resident he needs your permission I believe. Should he have care he could just up and leave with him however I think that would be classes as abduction.

You can ring the passport office to say you already have a passport and you don't consent to a new one being issued. Likewise, you can if you think there is risk alert authorities and they can put a port watch out. Alternatively, a Prohibited Steps Order however from my understanding you need intent in order to have one issued. You could kind of say he has intent but that all depends on him having your son.

I'm only going off what I have been told by my solicitor as I also have a similar concern regarding decisions without consent.

You say you're in the early stages of divorce. How long have you been separated? Presumably, you and ex previously lived together and he saw DC everyday so he and DC aren't strangers. Is he unsafe to be with DC? Realistically, is he at risk of abducting DC?

Which country does he want to take him to?

Is the child a dual cirizen and if so is there a possibility of your ex getting him a passport from his country? I'm not sure what to do if that's the case just don't want the possibility to be overlooked. Would someone else know what to do about that?

If you get a court order and you're named as the resident parent, you won't need your ex's permission to travel abroad with your DC. Unless it's more than 28 days or something. As the non resident parent, he would need to seek your consent to take the child abroad. But that's only if you are officially the resident parent - in other words that you have a court order stating it.

Care arrangement order, it sets out everything. You need that solicitors appointment sooner and full advice on this. It might mean going through family court, but it will stop what you fear happening. Did he think that he was in charge during your relationship?

What sort of dribbler doesn't know what school his own kid goes to my own ex doesn't know what my DD dose for a living?

Make sure you get an order in place to stop him taking him out of the country ASAP. Red flags are waving here. Unfortunately people do take their children away abroad and don’t return with them 😔

He can. he can report it as lost and apply for a new one!

DS doesn't have dual citizenship as far as I am aware, unless EX applied without my knowledge nor consent. Ex has both British and Belgian nationalities. We've been separated for over a year. We lived together and he was safe to be with DS. However, he clearly has no emotional attachment to him. He is very controlling and will go to extreme lengths to do what's on his mind even if it's harmful and damaging to him (ex). He's quite destructive.

I am more concerned about what he might do out of spitefulness and to hurt me.

If you haven't got a court order in place it's harder. I don't know how your situation would work but like in mine, I have parental responsibility but my children are being withheld and medical decisions have been made without consent. There's nothing I can do but wait for court now.

So just be wary of handing him over, he could not bring him back and you may find yourself in same boat as I am.

How old is your son? Sorry if you’ve already said, but I can’t see it anywhere

There’ll be nothing legally he can do. YKWIM

I think he's just trying to ruin your evening tbh.

The child very probably already has Belgian citizenship through his father. Belgium allows dual citizenship.

Here is the govt link about taking children abroad without the other parent. It isn't quite as straightforward as you being able to do it without consent because the child lives with you, or, the father not being able to do it because the child doesn't live with him.

https://www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

You need proper legal advice and a residence agreement, and based on what you've said, a court order to prohibit him taking the child abroad if necessary.

If you haven't been granted legal and documented parental responsibility then the father, should he apply to the courts, will (all other things being equal) be granted permission to travel with his son.

You can't afford to leave this as an informal agreement. Not where children and borders are concerned.