Questions about his ex... *Trigger warning*

[ConfiderWren]

So first off, I am a woman who feels the past is in the past. Don't judge someone on their history etc. Don't pry about someone's ex's or previous sexual history.

However, I need to know if IBU in this instance?

A girl has recently stalked my Instagram Story and Facebook that I don't know - she popped up on viewing Stories and then today liked and unliked an old FB pic on my profile. I click on her profile, curious, and see she lives in the same town as my boyfriend. A small specific place not local to me.

I send him a screenshot and ask if he knows her, genuinely curious why I'm being stalked by a random. He replies they have history and she was a bit mental. I ask how long ago and he said before us. He then rang me very angry, saying I was interrogating him and asking why I was starting a fight.

This reaction has then caused me to ask why he was overreacting. If it was someone in the past it's cool and he can calm down, but could he tell me what happened between them. I wouldn't normally care or want to know, but the combination of her stalking me and his big reaction triggered my spider senses.

He eventually let on that he had been with her a few months, got her pregnant, then she has had an abortion and they went their separate ways.

This had made me feel quite insecure in that he has never shared this with me - not that he had to - but that in looking more at her profile I can see he liked a selfie she took last year while we've been together, and also a picture of her son at school this year.

Im now worried he has unresolved feelings for her hence the big reaction and also liking her pictures. He's only liked two, but why would he be liking them otherwise?

Am I being overanxious now? Should I just trust his version of things as he's told me?

So I've not heard anything from him today. It's soo tempting to reach out but I won't. The last argument we had he was angry at me he went really cold and silent for days.

It's not kind or healthy

How did she know who to look for if she isn't in contact with him?

(Third time of asking).

So many red flage.

The lies. The anger. The “crazy ex”. The abortiin (or not). The gaslighting now.

Seriously, OP, you deserve better. This man is showing you who he is. Of you ever have a child with him, you will be back on this forum and join the endless queue of women saying he doesn’t do anything, he is angry and verbally / emotionally abusive to you and the kids, you’re divorced and he’s not paying maintenance… and the posters will be asking “why did you have a kid with him”.

Run. Now, before it’s too late. It’s not your job to “fix” this man.

I hate the 'he got her pregnant' narrative. Takes two mostly. And if that's what he said then it reveals a lot of how he thinks about women.

@morknmindi they are friends on Facebook apparently, and he's shared pictures of us as a couple. He said last night they are friends on Facebook. I couldn't see this originally as his friends list is hidden.

Have you always found it hard to know your own feelings? This is a difficult situation so no shame in finding it hard to know what to think, but worth considering if this level of self-doubt is something he has caused or made worse.

Your initial post seemed like there could be plausible explanations, his reaction since is super concerning. Even if there are fair explanations for the possible overlap, calling an ex crazy etc, it's still the case that he hasn't been on your team when you've raised these legitimate issues. He isn't treating you with kindness or respect

Don't have kids with someone who can't handle big feelings such as anger. Fine to be angry - it's how they handle that anger that's the key. He sounds emotionally immature.

I agree

Thank you.

So despite the woman allegedly being 'mental' he has kept her as a Facebook friend?!

He's a liar and a manipulator.

I would screenshot any negative comments he has made about her and send them via Facebook messenger to her and then when you can see she's seen the screenshots, block her and then block him.

Setting aside what is true or not about their relationship, his angry reaction is enough - that is unacceptable behaviour. It is perfectly OK to ask questions and you do not deserve that reaction in response. The guy sounds like bad news.

I wouldn't be bothered about the odd Facebook post like, or even Facebook friends.

I wouldn't be bothered that he never mentioned the detail of his past, not everyone wants to discuss their every detail.

I wouldn't be bothered with the woman liking a photo of yours that your partner was tagged in, sometimes people just see the pic and think it was posted by someone on their friends list rather than someone tagged in it.

I wouldn't be bothered that she viewed your story, people nose and if your profile is public then 🤷‍♀️

I would be bothered about his reaction, unless you were pressing him over something really minor and he got fed up.

I would be bothered he lied about having her on insta.

I would be bothered if she liked your photos and it's nothing he was tagged in, that's her way of saying "Hi I am here and I still like your DP."

I retract - my I wouldn't be bothered comment! - I wouldn't accept his flying off the handle being angry response - there is no need to be aggressive and intimidating.

He's sent a message. It says "So where are we going from this?"

I just replied that it would be good to talk..

You live in different cities so how often do you see each other? Often enough to know if he might have seen her?
His anger is worrying so I'd watch that. If you're always at his place or vice versa and you enjoy the relationship then see how it goes

How did the talk go?

Yeah, not getting the best vibes off this guy. I mean, you had me at 'my ex is mental' to be honest.

I would send a message to the girl and say I seen you like my posts do I know you? And act stupid to see if she volunteers any info