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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be mildly irritated by colleague's' we're pregnant etc' running commentary

62 replies

youvedonesum · 07/09/2023 12:04

His wife is so sick... Anaemic, vomiting, exhausted. Still working every weekend night shits .. 4 on 3 off rota at 34 weeks.

The whole pregnancy has been a running commentary about him, how it's affected him, his involvement in ante natal, the books he's reading on how it affects fathers , how his sleep and social life will be affected etc etc.

When I ask about his wife , it's normally a one liner back.

Honestly, I'm old enough to be his mother ... I'm 53 and well past child bearing age but is this it now ???
Pregnancy being all about the bloody Dads???
Am I old fashioned ?

He will return to work a few weeks after baby is born, his body perfectly intact, she will do all night feeds, she will be alone during the day , exhausted , sore, hormonal and it's still about him!!!

It's interesting because when he starts , all the team immediately ask about his wife and clearly irritates him.

Now, he is the baby of his own family and is utterly spoilt so perhaps that's what this nonsense is about ...

Is this the norm now?

OP posts:
Heyhoherewegoagain · 07/09/2023 12:06

Any utterance of “we’re pregnant” by a man needs the reply of “what? Both of you?”

Im the same age as you OP and it does my bloody head in. Only women can be pregnant

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 07/09/2023 12:06

I agree with you, but I also think he's at work, away from the home and family, so perhaps he is allowed to make it all about him when he is with his colleagues. Hopefully he makes it all about his wife at home, with family and with mutual friends!

TheBarbieEffect · 07/09/2023 12:07

I don’t like the whole “we’re pregnant” phrase, but I think it’s great he’s so invested and excited about the pregnancy. I think it’s really lovely.

Ahwhatthehell · 07/09/2023 12:07

Ugh yes - I know one of these. Infuriating. The kids are now young adults and you’d think he’d given birth and raised them alone.

x2boys · 07/09/2023 12:09

Well he isn't the one that's pregnant but then she didn't get pregnant on her d own it was a joint effort
I would just nod and smile.

FloweryName · 07/09/2023 12:09

Yabu.

He’s chatting with his own colleagues about his experience when his wife isn’t even there.

I’d find it more irritating to talk about the pregnancy experiences of someone I barely know if at all, than my own co workers experience.

Strawberryboost · 07/09/2023 12:11

Leave him alone

Strawberryboost · 07/09/2023 12:12

But he’s also shared how sick and anaemia and exhausted his wife is. So clearly not all been about him.

perhaps he keeps all this to himself and around her and then offloads at work. If you don’t want him to, then gently say that you need to crack on with work

Puppyseahorse · 07/09/2023 12:13

Is this worse than him barely mentioning it and assuming that he won’t really be involved?

how do you know she’ll do all the night feeds?

Original poster
youvedonesum · 07/09/2023 12:16

He has told us all what will happen as nauseum.
I'm really getting old!
She'll bf, he'll sleep in other room as he 'has to work'.
Guess for some, some things never change , eh!

OP posts:
Original poster
youvedonesum · 07/09/2023 12:16

*ad

OP posts:
OnedayTwodays · 07/09/2023 12:18

Yanbu

Why do some parents think that anyone cares about their kids or about being pregnant?

TheBarbieEffect · 07/09/2023 12:18

Would you rather all men were disinterested in their kids like your husband was then, OP?

Projecting much. Jealousy isn’t a good look.

Original poster
youvedonesum · 07/09/2023 12:19

Jealousy 😂🤣🤣🤣 I'd rather cut my arm
off than go through that stage again but go ahead ... and project !!!!

OP posts:
MeinKraft · 07/09/2023 12:21

youvedonesum · 07/09/2023 12:16

He has told us all what will happen as nauseum.
I'm really getting old!
She'll bf, he'll sleep in other room as he 'has to work'.
Guess for some, some things never change , eh!

Oh that old chestnut. Then he'll be crying about his poor neglected knob when she doesn't want him back in again.

TheBarbieEffect · 07/09/2023 12:21

youvedonesum · 07/09/2023 12:19

Jealousy 😂🤣🤣🤣 I'd rather cut my arm
off than go through that stage again but go ahead ... and project !!!!

That’s exactly my point. You don’t want to go through that stage again because your husband was a useless father.

Original poster
youvedonesum · 07/09/2023 12:23

No@TheBarbieEffect I would never want to go through that stage again because of the relentless feeding , exhaustion, pain , hormonal fluctuations and loneliness but you clearly have made your mind up about my experiences so I'll
Leave you with that!

OP posts:
x2boys · 07/09/2023 12:24

youvedonesum · 07/09/2023 12:16

He has told us all what will happen as nauseum.
I'm really getting old!
She'll bf, he'll sleep in other room as he 'has to work'.
Guess for some, some things never change , eh!

Yes some work colleagues can be very boring you just have to.nod and smile
I.used ti.have several who talked about their family members incessantly as though I knew them
This was incredibly boring particularly on a long night shift but i.just nodded along.

SummerInSun · 07/09/2023 12:24

Personally I'd tell home all about what he needs to do to support her - how important it is that when he gets home from work he takes over with the baby for a while to give her a chance for a nap or a walk or whatever she wants, that he must be the one getting up on the weekends with the baby, that he should be sure to cook nice meals for her, explain mental load and that he needs to also know what needs to be packed in the nappy bag to go out, when the vaccinations are, etc. Make him aware of what he needs to do, and make him feel he gets his dad bragging rights from showing what a great dad/husband he can be.

I lecture the young men in my office about this stuff all the time! It's one of the privileges of having reached "old hag" stage!

Mumofteenandtween · 07/09/2023 12:25

Strawberryboost · 07/09/2023 12:12

But he’s also shared how sick and anaemia and exhausted his wife is. So clearly not all been about him.

perhaps he keeps all this to himself and around her and then offloads at work. If you don’t want him to, then gently say that you need to crack on with work

Well it depends. Is he saying:-

“My poor wife has been so ill. Any suggestions for meals I can make that are nutritious and easy to digest?”

Or is he saying:-

“My wife has been really ill so I’ve had to do all the hoovering and I’m so so tired. It’s been so hard for me!”

EvilElsa · 07/09/2023 12:26

There's a guy on YouTube who does this and it infuriates me. Popped up on YouTube shorts the other day (something like Matt and Abby?) and he was so self obsessed and talking about breastfeeding after her c-section and what HE wanted and how hard it was for HIM.
Jealousy made me laugh out. Christ, the thought of having a new baby makes me horrified and I have a fantastic husband. Can't think of anything worse than doing the newborn/toddler stage again.

Hufflepods · 07/09/2023 12:26

but is this it now ???
Pregnancy being all about the bloody Dads???
Am I old fashioned ??

It isn't all about dads but you only know the dad, of course he's going to speak about his experience of it.
Should we go back to a time when men took fuck all interest?

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 07/09/2023 12:28

She'll bf, he'll sleep in other room as he 'has to work'. but this is fine, my dh's job whilst I was on maternity leave was to keep working to bring in the money, my job was to care for the baby. At weekends we worked together, but I needed my dh to get a good night's sleep weekdays as I knew I could nap in the daytime when the baby did. You just need to learn to zone out when the colleague is talking.

Original poster
youvedonesum · 07/09/2023 12:28

She's never mentioned unless we all ask and what's happened now is that everyone is asking about her ... more to the point why is she working when she is so ill when financially there doesn't seem to be a great need.
I suppose we don't know what's going on but one thing for sure is that, it's all about him !!!!
Yes old hag stage is great but I'm not sure it's welcomed from this point of view !

OP posts:
morknmindi · 07/09/2023 12:28

You appear to have a massive chip on your shoulder and your posts shows you are resentful, jealous and bitter.

He's excited and is talking about his own experiences as an up and coming father.

Why are you knocking him? If it's because that's all he take about then simply keep away from him as much as possible.

I'm your age or older and I've found a lot of women 45+ are really quite horrible to younger m embers of staff, particularly men.

It's like their own lives have been lacking so they can't stand to see you her people happy.