To be mildly irritated by colleague's' we're pregnant etc' running commentary

[youvedonesum]

His wife is so sick... Anaemic, vomiting, exhausted. Still working every weekend night shits .. 4 on 3 off rota at 34 weeks.

The whole pregnancy has been a running commentary about him, how it's affected him, his involvement in ante natal, the books he's reading on how it affects fathers , how his sleep and social life will be affected etc etc.

When I ask about his wife , it's normally a one liner back.

Honestly, I'm old enough to be his mother ... I'm 53 and well past child bearing age but is this it now ???
Pregnancy being all about the bloody Dads???
Am I old fashioned ?

He will return to work a few weeks after baby is born, his body perfectly intact, she will do all night feeds, she will be alone during the day , exhausted , sore, hormonal and it's still about him!!!

It's interesting because when he starts , all the team immediately ask about his wife and clearly irritates him.

Now, he is the baby of his own family and is utterly spoilt so perhaps that's what this nonsense is about ...

Is this the norm now?

@OnedayTwodays Why do some parents think that anyone cares about their kids or about being pregnant?

I care about big life changes for everyone close to me or who I enjoy spending time with. Most people are the same actually.

This time without the errors -

You appear to have a massive chip on your shoulder and your posts shows you are resentful, jealous and bitter.

He's excited and is talking about his own experiences as an up and coming father.

Why are you knocking him? If it's because that's all he talks about then simply keep away from him as much as possible.

I'm your age or older and I've found a lot of women 45+ are really quite horrible to younger members of staff, particularly men.

It's like their own lives have been lacking so they can't stand to see other people happy.

You couldn't be further from the truth but I've certainly hit a nerve with you this afternoon!
I just believe that a pregnancy, bf, hormones, pain and anything specifically to do with a woman's body is woman's business ...unless he speaks about her in a compassionate and caring way... which he doesn't . The pregnancy is ALL about him.

I also believe that it's wonderful to see so many men finally stepping up and excitement is part the f that but to talk continuously about 'our pregnancy'and how it will affect him is a pain in the arse for me to listen to but sadly we work closely.
My family are grown and I'm a very happy lady.
For all the tea in China, I would never step foot back to those days .
Hope that clarifies .

anything specifically to do with a woman's body is woman's business

😂

Sounds like you had a very shitty time with no support from a partner

may explain your stance op

This.

I'm about 10 years younger and I've gone there even about 5 years ago with a father who was older than me.

I actually do think it's a difficult adjustment for many new dads and that's not to be underestimated. Unluckily for them, they can't get the sort of recognition of that that they would if it were anything else, because their adjustment is overshadowed by what the mother goes through!

I

For all the tea in China, I would never step foot back to those days .
Hope that clarifies .

Weird point to keep repeating, several times now.

Not weird at all I would have thought... I know plenty , in fact the majority of women my age and stage, feel like this actually!

A genuine LOL there for ‘poor neglected knob’ @MeinKraft

My guess is

• its a first baby so the man in question is utterly clueless and it shows
• yes he wants it to be all about him
• give it a few weeks after the birth and he will no doubt want to talk about anything except for the baby unless it was how he constructed something or similar (i.e something to do with him)
• on a more compassionate level i would think his current behaviour is about his own anxiety.

I have very rarely if never met a man who expressed his awe of his own wife and what she did in terms of carrying and having his child. That would be pretty admirable but i dont know of any examples. Mainly it is just insecurity and anxiety that they know that very soon they will not be the main and dominating focus of their wife and their own sex life will change beyond recognition for a while.

@Strawberryboost
My stance is right there in the the quote marks you just posted! HTH😊
I found that stage tough and wouldn't want to go throughout again.

This is about my male colleague wittering on about being his wife and he being pregnant and how it will affect him.

I've worked with many ladies who actually are pregnant and never have I had this level of talk about it.
Which is why I questioned my being old fashioned.

Not weird at all I would have thought... I know plenty , in fact the majority of women my age and stage, feel like this actually!

Of course it's weird, what is the relevance to someone else's pregnancy that you don't want to be pregnant again? It isn't all about you, ironic given the subject of your post.

'Not weird at all I would have thought... I know plenty , in fact the majority of women my age and stage, feel like this actually!'

I certainly didn't experience what you say you did and neither did my sisters, friends or colleagues of a similar age/same generation.

Do you think that your not so good experiencing of having a baby/babies has tarnished your mind and you're upset at your young, male colleague is unfair?

His excitement and exuberance is understandable and it's sad that you want to put him down.

I do accept that someone always banging on about the same subject is annoying at work, but you can easily just get on with your own work and leave him be.

I like hearing about my friends/colleagues kids but this sounds dreary. It's not even him that's pregnant it's his wife.

Even then, pregnancy chat isn't interesting unless you're also pregnant at the same time.

I responded to two posts about being accused of being jealous, bitter , resentful and something else ...
I explained in no uncertain terms that I couldn't think of anything worse than going back to that age and stage of a child's life again, as a mother.

Well, at least I thought I explained in no uncertain terms. The nuances being that jealousy, bitterness and whatever else is the furthest feelings from my mind that I have, for those very reasons.
Hope that clarifies it for you😊

He can talk about whatever he wants to talk about.

You can listen or ignore it.

He sounds like he's excited and anticipating his life to change massively, and I'm not sure why you'd begrudge him letting off a bit of steam and talking about it.

Anyway, I'm really grateful I don't work with any bitchy, judgemental women who feel the need to dictate the office conversation.

OP’s colleague sounds excited to me and seems pretty harmless, nothing to get irritated about, possibly he is getting boring though.

But is it really necessary to make sweeping statements about women aged 45+ and the assumption a women of this age must have a miserable life.

Of course YANBU, and if he posted on here moaning about how hard his wife's pregnancy was on him he would be destroyed. People are just contrary on here and will always find a way to have a go at the OP.

Of course nobody would want to hear this in real life, he sounds like a nob. But on MN it's really sweet that he cares enough about the pregnancy to make it all about him 🙄

I said it might explain your stance

You had a shit time
You had a shit and unsupportive partner

the above is say explains your stance re this chap

I think you're being deliberately obtuse, Hufflepods. OP has mentioned it in response to other people's repeated assertions that she is jealous that she isn't pregnant. And it is all about her - it's her post and her views - that's how Mumsnet works. I've known equally irritating men, wouldn't want to be pregnant again, sympathise with everything she's saying, and I'm not jealous either.

It makes sense he’ll talk about his own experience and verbalise things from his perspective.

Isn't this what we are encouraging men to do?

i had a colleague (who was bit of a twat) tell me we won’t be getting an epidural….

Has he mentioned their birth plan yet? I remember a colleague who told me they were having a natural birth. He came back beaming that they had done it on only paracetamol. His wife said the epidural was a lifesaver 😂

I don’t get why people think it takes making your wife’s pregnancy to be all about you to be an involved engaged enthusiastic father to be.

My husband is absolutely brilliant, I’ve only ever felt cherished and supported by him in pregnancy and with our babies and he was under no illusion it was his pregnancy. I also wouldn’t have liked him sharing details of my nausea, heartburn, anaemia with his colleagues. It’s inappropriate, unnecessary and very boring. It was my personal medical stuff, not gossip for the office. I didn’t share details of his vasectomy with my clients.

You’re getting some weirdly shitty replies, not sure why.

I think pregnancy and a new arrival does affect fathers.
There's experiences DH and I have gone through together that have affected us both, me as the pregnant woman and him as a caring husband of an unwell pregnant woman. They're different and valid experiences.

It's progress to me that more men are involved and affected by the decision to have a baby, Vs it's all woman's stuff. The idea that pregnancy and birth is woman's stuff and fathers don't say anything is backwards to me.

Now if it's me-railing every moment of the pregnancy and talking about birth as a 'them' thing rather than him supporting his wife and his experience as a partner of a woman experiencing a difficult pregnancy, then I can see why that's annoying, but if it's a father to be who's sharing his experience at times then I couldn't get worked up.