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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore this friend request in fb from someone bullied me at school

57 replies

bagpuss90 · 07/09/2023 08:02

I’m not losing sleep or anything over this. I’m just curious as to what other people think. I’ve joined a certain fb group . One of the other members sent me a friend request and a message via messenger- so she obviously remembers me. She was a bully at my primary school and my senior school. I actually moved schools partly because of her. She made my life hell at times for a good few years. I know she was also a kid back then and I’m fully aware people change. And it was a long time ago. It’s no big deal . But I still don’t feel comfortable with it .

OP posts:
Lamelie · 07/09/2023 08:03

Just ignore the request then
Flowers

AllyCart · 07/09/2023 08:04

Of course you wouldn't be unreasonable.

You can choose who to be 'friends' with; It's no one's business but your own.

Olika · 07/09/2023 08:05

I would not accept

Glera · 07/09/2023 08:05

Just ignore it. If they ever directly ask why you havent accepted it, which I am sure they won't do, then just say you keep your Facebook for close friends and family only and that you hope she's well.

SeulementUneFois · 07/09/2023 08:07

Ignore and block.

MadamWhiteleigh · 07/09/2023 08:09

You don’t have to accept any friend request from any person for any reason you want.

MsMcGonagall · 07/09/2023 08:10

I would ignore the friend request and not reply to the messenger message.

Why would you even consider adding her as a Facebook friend??

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 07/09/2023 08:11

I realise I don’t have to accept - also I’d like to think I don’t hold a grudge . It’s more curiosity as to what other people’s views on it are

OP posts:
x2boys · 07/09/2023 08:11

If you don't want to.accept her don't ,no.big drama

Photio · 07/09/2023 08:11

It's only a request, you don't need to accept. If she starts to think about why you haven't responded it may even jog her memory!
My DH ignores friends requests on Facebook all the time from people he has no desire to keep in touch with for a variety of reasons.

CherryCokeFanatic · 07/09/2023 08:12

YABU all requests must be accepted

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/09/2023 08:13

YANBU. I always wonder what goes through a bully's head when they try to reconnect with their victims like this. Have they mentally rewritten history?

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 07/09/2023 08:13

x2boys
i know it’s no big drama . Like I said I’m just curious as to other peoples views - given it was years and years ago

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 07/09/2023 08:18

If you are not comfortable with accepting her friend request then that's fine, just ignore it. You say you don't hold grudges, but this isn't holding a grudge as such, it's just enforcing a boundary and protecting yourself from bad memories.

Pebblesflintstoneandbambamrubble · 07/09/2023 08:27

I was bullied badly at school by a group of girls

Left and didn't give them headspace-i wouldn't allow myself to

Years later,one of the sidekicks ds became besties with my ds

I had to face her-i could see it on her face she knew what she'd done but had grown up and was a decent-ish person

We are friends on fb-im happy she's got on with her life

The main one?

I hope she rots in hell-I know she's not changed and on the grapevine I've heard she's had a tough life which gives me a bit of satisfaction (I know I'm bad for even feeling like that)

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 07/09/2023 08:35

EsmeSusanOgg
Exactly - I don’t think I’d have the nerve

OP posts:
Bananas1350 · 07/09/2023 08:45

I had this. I acceptable their friend request as I was nosey to see what she had done with her life. Her life hadn’t gone well. Sad to say that made me feel better as I have a good life. I am shallow. But she made my life a living hell for years. Karma

elsieandthepooch · 07/09/2023 08:46

I had a friend request from the girl that used to bully me at school. I sent her a message and said not sure why she was delusional enough to be sending me a friends request when we were hardly friends at school. I also added that I hadn't seen her for 25+ years and there was a good reason for that! I then blocked her.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 07/09/2023 08:52

I totally get what people are saying about about getting satisfaction from finding out their bullies lives haven’t t gone well

OP posts:
Nameslike · 07/09/2023 08:56

I ignored in a similar situation - she repeatedly “requested” and I repeatedly pressed ignore.

In my circumstance, she was more of everyone’s bully rather than mine. (Though I’m not on Facebook anymore.)

Press ignore and block and don’t feel bad about it in the slightest. She’s not your problem.

HurdyGurdy19 · 07/09/2023 09:06

melisma · 07/09/2023 08:14

Sarah Millican had the perfect response when she got an email from her school bully...

I was literally about to post the same. It's a real "mic drop" response, and I'm only sorry we'll never find out how the bully reacted to receiving it.

Sauvblanctime · 07/09/2023 09:20

I wouldn’t, and haven’t in the past.

Primproperpenny · 07/09/2023 09:22

@Pebblesflintstoneandbambamrubble - you’re a better person than me! I wouldn’t have given her the time of day!

Pebblesflintstoneandbambamrubble · 07/09/2023 21:07

Primproperpenny · 07/09/2023 09:22

@Pebblesflintstoneandbambamrubble - you’re a better person than me! I wouldn’t have given her the time of day!

Believe me,I didn't want to be nice but the boys where (and still are) best friends
He's a nice lad-shame about his mother
Part of me wants to tell her what I really think about her,but that wouldn't be fair to the (now adult) kids
Last thing I want to do is cause a rift between them

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