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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think on hindsight this was a massive safeguarding breach?!

137 replies

Hindsights2020 · 06/09/2023 19:30

Namechanged for this but was thinking recently about something that happened when I was a kid and it's only now I'm an adult with children of my own that it feels really weird, but not sure if times have changed since then (late 90s)

My Y6 teacher (female) lived fairly locally but In a different village. I happened to be friends with an older child who lived nearby which I mentioned in passing to my teacher who said something along the lines of 'oh you'll have to pop round one day'. Being that age I took her at face value and I somehow ended up with her address and we did indeed go round one day after school. I'm not really sure why. She gave us a drink and a snack, we chatted for a bit in her front room then left. I don't think we ever told our parents where we'd been, I expect they thought we were at the village park.

Absolutely nothing bad happened and I don't for a second think that she is unsafe in any way, but aibu to think on hindsight this was over familiar, inappropriate and probably broke all sorts of school safeguarding rules, or were things different back then?!

YANBU - That was weird and inappropriate even then
YABU - things were different then and she was doing no harm

OP posts:
Mumofsend · 06/09/2023 19:34

It was a different era so can't really be viewed from today lenses

Cherryana · 06/09/2023 19:36

You turned up at her house when you were little and she probably didn’t want to upset you by turning you away. So she gave you a drink and biscuit and sent you on your way.

If the breach was by anyone it was you and your friend (but you were only little so you didn’t know ..)

Iloveavocadoes · 06/09/2023 19:37

Nothing odd about that In the 90s

Sexnotgender · 06/09/2023 19:38

When you say somehow ended up with her address how did that come about exactly?

titchy · 06/09/2023 19:39

My friend and I (year 6) used to knock on my teachers door to ask him for a lift to school Blush

ClusterFukt · 06/09/2023 19:42

Around that time 96/97 my two cousins (age 4) were taken out of school by their teacher when she had to pop home during the school day. She thought they were cute because they were twins so took them with her in her car to her house and gave them strawberries in her garden and took photos of them eating them. She actually printed them off and gave them to my aunt as a momento. My auntie didn’t bat an eyelid. I was agog at the time and I was only a teen myself. No one else though anything of it. So weird.

Whoknowswhatanymore · 06/09/2023 19:43

Definitely a different era and the safeguarding practices back then were nothing like they are now! I remember going with a friend to the local fruit and veg shop in the market to buy food for our tuck shop! No way could children do that now but then, it was perfectly fine! Things have changed so much. Safeguarding is paramount and so it should be.

AmbleInAnnBoleyn · 06/09/2023 19:43

The teacher may well have alerted senior staff that you and your friend had visited uninvited amd that she had ascertained you were not distressed and sent you on your way.

Original poster
Hindsights2020 · 06/09/2023 19:44

Sexnotgender · 06/09/2023 19:38

When you say somehow ended up with her address how did that come about exactly?

She gave it to me. I don't know if I asked or she offered, but they were flats above businesses so it was more of a 'I live above x' rather than giving me her full address.

I'm glad it was less weird back then! I obviously wasn't clued up on safeguarding when I was 10. I remember I told her I'd be at my friend's house on X day and that I was planning to come, maybe she thought I wouldn't actually turn up and like others have said didn't want to upset me - that makes sense and isn't a scenario I'd considered actually!

OP posts:
LetMeEnfoldYou · 06/09/2023 19:46

We went to a local DJ's house to get tickets for a gig when we were about 15, we waited in his living room while he sorted them out.

No idea how that came to be really, but it's a bit odd...no big drama in the 90s though!

MouseKeys · 06/09/2023 19:48

Different time, different way of thinking I would say. I regularly went round to a couple of my teacher’s houses in the 90s when I was at senior school. One used to ask me to look after her kids while she was working at home and the other was quite young and used to organise fun events like murder mystery evenings which I went to a couple of times, my parents were super protective by anyone’s standards and they were fine with it.

Verytall · 06/09/2023 19:50

Definitely not unusual back then. We had a teacher who lived on a farm, he used to invite the whole of year 6 to camp in what was basically his back garden, as an end of term celebration!

LyndaSnellsSniff · 06/09/2023 19:50

It would be a major safeguarding issue these days but, as others have said, not so much back then.

At a safeguarding course I attended, we were told about an incident where school children had been taken on a walk around their local area. They happened to pass the house of one accompanying staff member who allowed some of the children to use their toilet. As a result the staff member ended up in big trouble. They had the best of intentions but a massive no no.

FoodFann · 06/09/2023 19:51

Teachers would pull up next to us in their cars and give us a lift if it was raining (90s). Humans being humans. Now we aren’t allowed to be humans just in case we’re bad ones 🥴

Girasoli · 06/09/2023 19:52

Different time - in the 90s we used to go to embroidery club that was just in a local ladies house, we used to just walk there and back by ourselves (group of late primary/tween girls). Don't think she even charged, she just wanted to pass on her skills.

I can still embroider a bit.

Sunshinesally78 · 06/09/2023 19:53

So glad I was at high school in the 90s, what a time to be alive

MouseKeys · 06/09/2023 19:54

Ironically I also went to my youth leader's house once with some other members of the group which again my parents were fine with at the time. Absolutely nothing happened at all apart from him serving us the most disgusting meal I’d ever had to eat in my life but it did cause quite a stir when he was later arrested and it turned out that he was a p**phile, I don’t think I was allowed to go anywhere for a bit after that!

Araminta34 · 06/09/2023 19:55

Yes, things were different then. As others have said, you can't judge the past by today's standards.

bigageap · 06/09/2023 19:56

Our GCSE maths teacher (who also taught my mum) so shows his age, gave the entire class his phone number before we went on study leave so we could get help at any time! Nothing dodgy and entirely from the heart, he wanted to help! But clearly now I’d be horrified if it was my kids!!!

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 06/09/2023 19:56

It was different then.

ThingsgetbetterwithalittlebitofRazzmatazz · 06/09/2023 19:56

I remember a school trip getting cut short due to bad weather so the whole class ended up being dropped by the coach at our teacher's house. We all had a drink and biscuit and spent the afternoon there before going back to school.

InterFactual · 06/09/2023 19:57

My dad was a teacher in the early late 80s/early 90s. I remember him driving us around and stopping to give a couple of kids a lift somewhere as they recognised him sitting in a traffic jam and flagged him down. We dropped them 10 minutes down the road and carried on our way. Life was different then, you can't judge past decisions based on current knowledge and standards.

Thesearmsofmine · 06/09/2023 20:00

Definitely different times, we used to knock on a dinner ladies door and take her little dog for a walk. In secondary one of the teachers used to sometimes bring her toddlers into school and me and my friend would spend the day in a classroom looking after them while she worked rather than do our usual lessons.

Callyem · 06/09/2023 20:01

I went to my Brown Owl's home to earn my 'housekeeping badge' (lol) in the early 90s. No other adult supervision. Different time!

GenZer · 06/09/2023 20:02

Well I had a teacher (female) less than ten years ago come round to my parents house for a cup of tea with me and them, she’d befriended me before I left school. She had given me her personal email, tel number and everything and was texting me before I left school. Only about trivial every day stuff but I’m sure that was inappropriate. With hindsight I / we should have dealt with it at the time but I don’t think there were any bad intentions and she was a lovely person, perhaps just forgot the boundaries abit.