Page 10 | To expect visitors to take their shoes off?

SomeCatFromJapan · 07/09/2023 11:53

@Somanycats given that you're visiting houses with used needles and vomit, you probably don't intersect much with the very houseproud? I can't imagine needing a home visit from someone whose job is to go into houses where people live in those conditions.

caringcarer · 07/09/2023 11:57

I've got wood floors downstairs but I don't take my shoes off I do use the mat to the wipe them before entering though. As for visitors I think it's rude to say take your shoes off and quite frankly what if they have smelly feet?

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 07/09/2023 12:13

What about wheelchairs and crutches? They travel through the same muck as our shoes but you can't reasonably ask someone to enter your home without them...and you definitely can't put covers on them.

Or is this something even the die hard "you'll never enter my home" people would actually compromise on?

Personally I never wear shoes beyond our shoe rack in the hallway, but I've never asked guests to remove theirs.

Mamabear48 · 07/09/2023 12:18

My mum and dad (come to visit separately) keep theirs on and it pisses me right off I actually get angry with them.

fruitstick · 07/09/2023 12:21

@marymungoNminge no - I said in my post that muddy shoes are different. Also that I will thoroughly use a doormat.

But it feels entitled to choose a light cream carpet in downstairs rooms where you invite guests, and then make everyone feel paranoid and uncomfortable that they might get it dirty just by existing.

It is not welcoming at all.

Whingebob · 07/09/2023 12:25

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 07/09/2023 12:13

What about wheelchairs and crutches? They travel through the same muck as our shoes but you can't reasonably ask someone to enter your home without them...and you definitely can't put covers on them.

Or is this something even the die hard "you'll never enter my home" people would actually compromise on?

Personally I never wear shoes beyond our shoe rack in the hallway, but I've never asked guests to remove theirs.

Most normal people would make exception for elderly or disabled people.

I certainly have no issue, but it would be polite to say "do you mind if I keep my shoes on? I can't take them off", and the answer will 99% be "of course, don't worry about it!"

Cosyblankets · 07/09/2023 12:27

marymungoNminge · 07/09/2023 11:15

But you can keep them covered with socks? If you don't want to show your feet, as you said, up to you, but I still won't allow dirty shoes on my lovely carpet, whether your bodily autonomy over your trotters matters more to you or not.

And no, I don't think we could be friends. I don't receive feet pics of my friends but whatever floats your boat!

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Well I'm currently wearing sandals
Should i bring my socks to put on I'm your house?
Muddy shoes? Leave them at the door.
Other shoes, straight from the car etc. No problem. Leave them on.
Don't get me started on communal slippers. No thanks

user1497864954 · 07/09/2023 12:41

Somanycats · 07/09/2023 11:08

Home visiting professional here and we are not allowed to take our shoes off at all for our safety. Think used syringes, urine vomit yada yada. Neither are we allowed to wear slip on shoe covers as they reduce traction if we have to run away in an emergency. If you don't want our shoes, you don't get our visit.

I entirely agree with you. My parents ended up needing care at home and the very idea of the carers being required to remove shoes or even more stupidly wear shoe covers which are slippery when assisting an elderly people to stand and walk is plain stupid and dangerous.. This entire thread seems so unknowledgable about the realities of health care professionals entering homes to do their job.

Original poster

marymungoNminge · 07/09/2023 12:46

fruitstick · 07/09/2023 12:21

@marymungoNminge no - I said in my post that muddy shoes are different. Also that I will thoroughly use a doormat.

But it feels entitled to choose a light cream carpet in downstairs rooms where you invite guests, and then make everyone feel paranoid and uncomfortable that they might get it dirty just by existing.

It is not welcoming at all.

Having light carpet is entitled 😂

I've heard it all now! I'll change my whole colour scheme or my home that I've worked hard for, just because someone is insecure about getting their trotters out.

I was talking about you saying it would 'irk' you but you would take your shoes off if they were muddy. That's ridiculous.

My home is my home, my safe place and my sanctuary. If not allowing people in with shoes on is entitled, or makes others feel u comfortable, due to a colour of carpet o have chosen, I'll take that.

I've never had a problem so far and I've only asked once for someone to remove their shoes and I'm still friends with them now and they come round regularly. If keeping things nice and clean is entitled, I'll wear that proudly!

I think it's entitled to expect someone to have a welcoming coloured carpet that permits shoes. Not everyone wants dirty looking floors.

OP posts:

User16328715 · 07/09/2023 12:49

It's very sad that people spend so much time obsessing about their carpets, floors and germs. It must be exhausting to constantly worry about a cream carpet getting dirty and having to vacuum daily.

StephanieSuperpowers · 07/09/2023 12:53

Whingebob · 07/09/2023 12:25

Most normal people would make exception for elderly or disabled people.

I certainly have no issue, but it would be polite to say "do you mind if I keep my shoes on? I can't take them off", and the answer will 99% be "of course, don't worry about it!"

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Do you not feel that a tone has been set by the necessity to have the conversation? I would feel like I was there under sufferance.

SomeCatFromJapan · 07/09/2023 12:55

It's probably much easier in cultures where shoe removal is the standard - the problem in the UK seems to be that there's a divide, with each side finding the other rude.

BIossomtoes · 07/09/2023 12:56

User16328715 · 07/09/2023 12:49

It's very sad that people spend so much time obsessing about their carpets, floors and germs. It must be exhausting to constantly worry about a cream carpet getting dirty and having to vacuum daily.

This. We have cream carpets throughout and actively ask people to keep their shoes on and not clutter up our tiny hall. I Hoover when it looks as if it’s needed, spot clean when something gets spilt and shampoo them every so often. They’re five years old now and still look immaculate.

user1497864954 · 07/09/2023 12:56

User16328715 · 07/09/2023 12:49

It's very sad that people spend so much time obsessing about their carpets, floors and germs. It must be exhausting to constantly worry about a cream carpet getting dirty and having to vacuum daily.

I entirely agree with upu. Mind you the mindset isn't new I remember an episode of London's Burning when the firemen arrive to put out an upstairs fire at a house and the woman has put down newspapers on the stairs and asking them not to tred on her carpet!!

Original poster

marymungoNminge · 07/09/2023 13:01

User16328715 · 07/09/2023 12:49

It's very sad that people spend so much time obsessing about their carpets, floors and germs. It must be exhausting to constantly worry about a cream carpet getting dirty and having to vacuum daily.

I don't spend so much time obsessing over my carpets being clean because I don't put things on the carpet to get them dirty.

I hoover every other day, shampoo them every few months and they're well and good.

I think a clean, presentable home is good for the mind (well, mine anyway). I work and have a toddler and that fills up most of my time, so I don't obsess at all. I just don't like dirt and grime on my floors where my toddler will run and crawl about on.

OP posts:

Whingebob · 07/09/2023 13:03

Do you not feel that a tone has been set by the necessity to have the conversation? I would feel like I was there under sufferance.

No, why would it? It's not some great offence for your host to prefer shoes off in their own home. I don't get the issue?

Unless they're visibly pissed off at you for being elderly/disabled and not able to remove shoes, you'd assume that they're fine with it and pleased to have you round

fruitstick · 07/09/2023 13:05

You started this thread asking whether someone coming for an appointment was reasonable for not removing their shoes.

We can all agree they should have done a better job of wiping their feet.

You also say that if people had wooden floors it would be different, but you think it's rude for people to walk in with outside shoes on and asked whether you would be unreasonable to ask people to remove them.

"I just think it's gross but maybe I'm the odd one! It's just how I was brought up!"

Surely what this thread has proven is that opinions are divided on this matter. I was brought up to make people feel at home. My Mum was incredibly house proud but would not have dreamt of ever asking people to remove their shoes (and we had a cream carpet) and would have considered it the height of bad manners. It's just the way I was brought up.

So to some people, yes you are being unreasonable to ask people to remove their shoes. If they feel comfortable enough to offer, that's a different story.

Some people will think you are rude to insist, and it will make some people feel unwelcome.

But it strikes me that you didn't start this thread for genuine opinions, you started this thread so that people could pile in agreeing with you that other people are vile and disgusting, and sympathising with you over the mark on your carpet.

Keeping things nice and tidy isn't entitled, but doing it at the expense of other people's quite justified comfort (problem feet, mobility issues etc) is.

You crack on insisting that people take their shoes off. Maybe give them a towel to sit on too. But be aware that some people will think you are rude and be OK with that.

Original poster

marymungoNminge · 07/09/2023 13:16

Problem feet and mobility issues are different though, aren't they. I wouldn't ever make someone take their shoes off if it was a struggle for them.

You seem to take a lot of this personally.
My home is for me. It's not for other people. Why should their comfort come above mine, when I pay for the home and have worked hard to get it.

You think it's rude for people to ask to have their shoes off. I think it's rude for people to come in when they can see a light, clean carpet and traipse the outside world in. Anyone in for work I would either not say anything, or supply covers. Complete non-issue. I will get some shoe covers in for next time.

OP posts:

MacarenaMacarena · 07/09/2023 13:23

Every time I walk across a petrol station forecourt, go to a public loo or wonder if I've missed dog poo which has been smudged along the pavement... I remember how glad I am that I'll take my shoes off at the door... And tell visitors to do the same!

fruitstick · 07/09/2023 13:30

I'm really not taking this personally, I often take my shoes off in people's houses and have never refused. People even take their shoes off when they come into my house, although I never insist! But I do object to you having only one way of seeing this.

How do you know what is a struggle for people? Do you provide a seat for people to remove their shoes, because you don't need mobility issues to find it difficult to bend down, pick your shoes up, undo the laces, put them on and do up the laces all from a crouching position. i don't have mobility issues but sometimes my back hurts and that would be uncomfortable for me. Also it's awkward to spend 5 minutes wrestling to get your trainers on when you want to leave with everyone standing about in the hall.

I don't want to tell you I have fungal toenails, or my bursitis is playing up. What proof do you need from people?

"My home is for me. It's not for other people. Why should their comfort come above mine, when I pay for the home and have worked hard to get it."

This feels very telling, and you are perfectly entitled to hold this opinion. However, other people do put other people's comfort above their carpets as they feel that makes them warm and inviting hosts.

You are not wrong for feeling that way, but you seem quite keen on the notion that this is the only reasonable way to behave and no one should have any negative thoughts about it.

User16328715 · 07/09/2023 13:33

marymungoNminge · 07/09/2023 13:01

I don't spend so much time obsessing over my carpets being clean because I don't put things on the carpet to get them dirty.

I hoover every other day, shampoo them every few months and they're well and good.

I think a clean, presentable home is good for the mind (well, mine anyway). I work and have a toddler and that fills up most of my time, so I don't obsess at all. I just don't like dirt and grime on my floors where my toddler will run and crawl about on.

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You said you hoovered daily upthread, please keep it consistent

theGooHasGone · 07/09/2023 13:34

Your house, your rules. Some people might look at you like
you're weird for asking them to take their shoes off but fuck it, at least they aren't dragging their grubby shoes through your house.

StephanieSuperpowers · 07/09/2023 13:39

Whingebob · 07/09/2023 13:03

Do you not feel that a tone has been set by the necessity to have the conversation? I would feel like I was there under sufferance.

No, why would it? It's not some great offence for your host to prefer shoes off in their own home. I don't get the issue?

Unless they're visibly pissed off at you for being elderly/disabled and not able to remove shoes, you'd assume that they're fine with it and pleased to have you round

I think I'd just feel that it was "oh god, if you must...just please wait till I get the newspaper down...now, isn't that nicer for everyone?"

StephanieSuperpowers · 07/09/2023 13:40

MacarenaMacarena · 07/09/2023 13:23

Every time I walk across a petrol station forecourt, go to a public loo or wonder if I've missed dog poo which has been smudged along the pavement... I remember how glad I am that I'll take my shoes off at the door... And tell visitors to do the same!

Is that genuinely your internal monologue as you go about your day?

TheKeatingFive · 07/09/2023 13:42

I love a good shoes off thread. Peak mumsnet.

Has anyone mentioned artisan slippers yet? That one raised the bar. 😂