AIBU to wonder at people experiencing natural consequences.

[RexWillKillYou]

do other people find it difficult to sympathize with people complaining when they experience Natural Consequences Stuff like:
you drank too much - hangover
you cheated on your spouse- your kids think you’re shit.
you live beyond your means- and you’re skint.
you refuse to go to engage with the diabetes clinic- and look what’s happened.

bad stuff happens to people (all of us) at some point without us doing anything. But we don’t have to give it a hand, and shut our eyes to a mess of our own making.

While I believe that every action has a consequence, I also try hard not to judge too much because sometimes the motivation behind certain things can be complex. For example the person who drinks too much, takes drugs, or lives beyond their means may actually be self-medicating because they are not getting enough support regarding a mental health issue (depression, PTSD, anxiety etc) or the person not engaging with the healthcare services (eg the diabetes clinic) might well be terrified of how it's going to change their life and/or not really understand the implications of not taking proper care of themselves.

You start a judgemental thread on AIBU and people start thinking you're an ignorant twit.

I agree with the pp. All those are bad decisions and the reasons for bad decisions are complex. We are human, we make bad decisions. My sympathy is limited though for some happenings.

No, I don't find it hard to sympathise because things are rarely black and white. Eg why are they drinking to excess in the first place?

This....

Lots of us are our own worst enemy

Because they wanted to at the time?
I’ve had hangovers- I’ve drunk too much/too fast and the inevitable happened.

Of course I don’t like having a hangover but I don’t expect anyone to think better or me than I do (I.e. you’re an idiot)

I try hard not to judge too much because we all make bad decisions sometimes. Also, sometimes we do not foresee certain consequences for many reasons. People make awful decisions all the time and suffer absolutely no bad consequences.

Meh. An (ex) friend lost her kids because she was a massive alcoholic and took coke regularly, refused to engage with healthcare support, social services and cafcas. She couldn't hold a job down as she was always too hungover/pissed/AWOL, acknowledged she had a problem but didn't want to stop drinking/doing drugs and fought the dad at every step - kids were absent from school, had documented signs of malnutrition and were far to young to be left unsupervised or care for their mum when she was out of it. I had no sympathy at all when her kids were removed to live (a considerably better life) with their dad.

Everyone has choices. Often exceptionally difficult ones, but they still have options that don't necessarily lead to challenging consequences.

Sometimes the punishment is worse than the crime and I do have sympathy.
Just because a consequence is natural doesnt mean its proprtionate.

Perhaps you were drinking heavily to block out the uncomfortable truth that you are horribly judgmental? So you have all our sympathies OP.

I think that so much of what people do is largely unconscious and they don’t fully understand why they do it themselves. Unconscious behaviour is based on a lack of self awareness and on past experiences and on beliefs (often delusions) that people hold about themselves and others. Unless they start to question what they are doing then they are likely to make many, many poor choices among the good choices they make. See doctors smoking and being obese tells you that people are not as rational as some people believe. As others have said the choices people make are not black and white.

Sympathy is a response to other people's suffering. It isn't doled out as a prize for having done everything you can to minimise your chances of suffering.

Oh I can remind myself not to judge, but I do sometimes look at people and find it much much easier to sympathize with their families picking up the pieces of their refusal to do anything about the problem.
We have all seen families put through years of misery by one person.

Lumping life changing complications like limb and sight loss in with a hangover.

Classy OP, classy...

We are all human and make mistakes. I have not done any of these things. But then I have had quite a lucky life. That said, I also think caregivers get no sympathy.

Ha ha, I have much worse character defects than judgementalism - I thought I was being “humorous”. (As I say, what an idiot).

This is horrible, those poor children, however it begs the question of whether anyone helped her address what was clearly contributing to her making all those bad decisions? I would find it hard to believe that there wasn't some sort of masking/fighting of 'demons' going on, previous abuse and/or PTSD, or some other mental health issues? Of course that doesn't excuse her behaviour, but it might go some way to explain it.

Oh wait I have had a hangover. Hasn't everyone? odd example.

Our 'look' at a person doesn't tell us even close to half the story though, and our judgement doesn't help either!

Where do you draw the line?
Cancer is a natural consequence of being a smoker
Car accident is a natural consequence of driving.
You'll find yourself a lot happier if you have empathy for people regardless of their choices.

Yes, I agree OP.

Accepting the consequences of your actions is the first step in becoming an adult and a functioning member of society. It does people no favours to transfer the blame elsewhere.

I once saw a documentary about ambulances on a Friday night going round the city centre picking up idiots who'd got legless, and were sitting covered in vomit in the road. The crews were SO kind with them I just couldn't watch!

Think of the cost of that operation to the taxpayer! I'm not saying they shouldn't have been helped, but a bit of tough judgement would have been nice.

Really? I know caretakers don’t get nearly enough practical help. But no sympathy, is actually a bit shocking to me.

Sympathy for someone with a hangover is foreign to me.

They'll be better by (pub) lunchtime.

I do find it frustrating when people refuse to seek medical advice even when it’s obvious they really need to. An elderly relative with a family history of glaucoma lost their sight completely because they wouldn’t get checked.