To say I'm not living here anymore?

[StressedByMess]

DP and I have two homes and stay in his during the week and mine at weekends.

He is both autistic and chronically ill and that's basically the reason we kept his flat (it's right next to work) and he has no energy for anything so staying here in the week is easier.

The problem is: his flat is a complete mess. And he won't let me tidy up. I can clean, buy I can't "organise". And because he's chronically ill, he barely has any every so he just leaves a mess.

So the situation is...

Bathroom: he decided about 6 months ago to fix something, didn't finish it, and the tools have been on the floor for about 4 months. He also just has crap all over every surface and it looks like a student flat.

Bedroom: His clothes everywhere. Literally every surface covered in crap. Suitcases from a holiday A YEAR AGO that he hadn't unpacked. Bloody great treadmill dominating the room that he's too ill to use.

Lounge: about 15 boxes still unpacked from when he moved in TWO YEARS AGO. Literally in the middle of the room. A bike. Just there. Both tables literally covered in stuff. Can't get to the dining table to eat.

And I get stressed when I'm here. I WFH and have nowhere tranquil to sit. It's a tiny flat and basically looks like a student lives here (we're mid 40s). I felt so stressed today by it that I couldn't work.

So I suggested we take some of this crap out of the house and put it in the garage of the other house. He went ballistic. Doesn't want anyone touching "his stuff".

I get this is an autistic thing but I feel really uncomfortable. My house is LOVELY and tidy and organised and I come here during the week because he's chronically ill and needs help.

AIBU to think he has to make the space reasonably tidy and presentable? And if he's too ill to put things away, is it unreasonable that I put my foot down and insist he let's me do it?

I feel trapped

If I insist he let's me do it, I risk an autistic meltdown which makes his chronic illness worse.

If I insist he sorts things, I risk making him more sick because he needs rest and gets easily exhausted.

I don't feel I can live like this.

We do consider both houses to be "ours" so surely if this is my house too I deserve a stress free living space?

If he's too ill to declutter himself, he has two choices. Either you do it for him, happy for him to supervise and direct if that's what he needs. Or you're going home until he finds the energy to do it himself. His health needs don't trump yours and living in chaos is distressing you. That's it, one choice or the other.

@ntmdino yes I should have realised he'd take me literally. I'll be more specific. It's very difficult because his stress is 12/10 and he's in physical pain most days, all day. Not to mention debilitating fatigue.

He's always been quirky but despite the strange systems he has for things, very tiny. For example he keeps his clothes in three different places in our bedroom which drives me mad but he has a kind of "traffic light" system for working out what needs to be washed.

His routines and systems keep him calmer and use less spoons of energy when he's sick. But things like not unpacking holiday luggage for a year is crossing over into weird and I need a reasonable living space too.

I think with the papers it's because they need action, so if he cam physically see it he won't forget. I understand that, but I also need a table to eat at.

Of course he wants me to be happy. He can have mind blindness but he hates me being unhappy. I think he's just struggling genuinely to cope so he clings onto control because it makes him feel safe.

Maybe if you said can you do one thing a day.
Tomorrow tools, the next day a box, the next day... Less daunting than asking to clear the whole flat as a job lot?