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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DP and SS to not eat unhealthy food in front of DS

63 replies

benjsloop · 05/09/2023 11:36

Growing up, DP had a very poor diet where he was only given frozen food and ate a lot of crisps and sugary food. He has a 16 year old DS from a previous relationship, living with us full time and he's exactly the same. He eats tinned and frozen food for dinner mostly and eats crisps and chocolate, not really much fruit or veg. I came into his life when he was 10 so he was already used to this diet. He does eat what I make occasionally if it's something he likes for example spaghetti Bolognese.

I have a 4 year old and he is starting to refuse meals I make and would rather eat what his dad and brother are eating. They're often giving him crisps and chocolate so now he cries and cries wanting them. I don't leave DS alone with them because I know what he'll be given.

I don't have an issue with what they eat, I know it's unhealthy but they're a normal healthy weight and I can't stop them from eating what they like but I'm wondering if itd be unreasonable to ask them to not eat all that in front of DS.

I don't mind him having occasional treats but I don't want it to be all he eats. He was previously a very good eater.

OP posts:

PollyPut · 05/09/2023 12:06

It seems reasonable to me.

Their weight might be fine, but that's not the only thing impacted by a poor diet. The dentist would have something to say.

I'd also make sure there is a very clear offer of healthier snacks at home that they can easily use instead for your DS - can you get him a special box for his snacks to be stored in (out of his reach).

What are they drinking /giving him to drink? If the drink is healthy then at least that's half the challenge.

IamnotSethRogan · 05/09/2023 12:08

You can't leave your 4 year old with your husband ?

FloweryName · 05/09/2023 12:10

I don’t think you can expect your SS to hide what he’s eating in his own home. That is not fair on him and it’s not his problem that his Dad had another child whose mum doesn’t like his diet.

AbsoFuckingLutelyThis · 05/09/2023 12:13

IamnotSethRogan · 05/09/2023 12:08

You can't leave your 4 year old with your husband ?

This! What the fuck. You need to speak to your husband, he was basically abused as a child by this diet, he needs to see he's repeated the cycle with his SS and that you won't stand for it with your child. Sort it out OP!

Ponderingwindow · 05/09/2023 12:18

You don’t leave your child alone with his own father?

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 05/09/2023 12:31

I think if you’re completely unable to leave your child with their dad there is more to this than food. If I’m wrong then I’m sorry, not trying to put problems where there are none, but that sounds rather drastic to me. Is there other issues aside from their diet here?

jallopeno · 05/09/2023 12:34

I think you're going to have to let them eat what they want and tell your child no because they have a different money who gives a shit about their health

margegunderson · 05/09/2023 12:37

Some frozen and tinned food is perfectly healthy - what exactly are we talking about here?

Carebearstare12e · 05/09/2023 12:41

No you can't dictate what they eat in their home!

aSofaNearYou · 05/09/2023 12:44

YANBU, I do this sort of thing all the sort of thing all the time - "yes you can eat that but can you do it in another room because DD will want one if she sees you having one". I don't see it as a big deal at all.

It's concerning that your DH is not capable of being adult about his kids diet.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 05/09/2023 12:44

You can't leave your son with his dad incase he doesn't eat the healthiest of food? I'm sorry, that's fucking nuts.

Fizzology · 05/09/2023 12:51

Parents do this. They wait until young dc are in bed before breaking out the wine/chocolate/G&T. Adults model good food and drink habits, even if they cheat at naptime or on the way to work.

So, assuming dp is the father of your 4yo, yanbu to ask him to get on board. First he needs to agree that his own diet is poor, and not a great legacy to pass on to a young child. He should not be feeding him crisps when apple slices are still acceptable to his ds.

Your 16yo ss is another matter. He should eat what he's used to.

thecatinthetwat · 05/09/2023 12:52

No you can’t do that. How would it even work? Ss would hide in his room for every meal and not be able to eat together. It’s batshit.

i don’t think there’s much you can do, you live in an unhealthy home, your DH is unhealthy, this is all inevitable I’m afraid.

Mariposista · 05/09/2023 12:58

I agree with you. Eating a crap diet would give me the absolute ick and I certainly wouldn't be exposing a child to it!

CalistoNoSolo · 05/09/2023 12:59

It's totally bonkers that you don't leave your 4yo with his own father in case he's given a packet if crisps. Are you this controlling about other aspects of your relationship with your husband/son?

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 05/09/2023 13:01

Frozen foods are not the spawn of the devil!

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 05/09/2023 13:02

Mariposista · 05/09/2023 12:58

I agree with you. Eating a crap diet would give me the absolute ick and I certainly wouldn't be exposing a child to it!

If it's so bad she can't leave them alone together, she shouldn't have had a baby with him.

readbooksdrinktea · 05/09/2023 13:03

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 05/09/2023 13:01

Frozen foods are not the spawn of the devil!

This.

You can ask, I guess. You can't demand it.

Mariposista · 05/09/2023 13:10

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 05/09/2023 13:02

If it's so bad she can't leave them alone together, she shouldn't have had a baby with him.

Show quote history

That is true, but as per a previous thread today, there isn't much she can do about that now. Hindsight is a great thing - she can hardly pop the 4 year old back inside and turn back time.
It would be a dealbreaker for me, but perhaps not for everyone. I am pretty health conscious, fitness fan, screen free at home - my lifestyle isn't for everyone.

aSofaNearYou · 05/09/2023 13:12

This would probably be a good time to give examples of the kind of things they are actually eating, before people get carried away assuming it's definitely awful or actually not that bad and you're just being controlling!

CandlestickInTheLibrary · 05/09/2023 13:17

Perfectly reasonable for you to say that DP and SS shouldn't eat crips and chocolate in front of your DS. They shouldn't be feeding him that either. I think it's harder to do something about the frozen meals since presumably you all eat dinner together and they need to eat!

Really your DP needs to step up here. He should be sorting out his son's eating issues (and his own) rather than messing up his second child's eating habits.

Original poster

benjsloop · 05/09/2023 13:30

I wouldn't mind if it was the occasional packet of crisps or occasional frozen food. In fact, if in a rush I give DS frozen food for dinner but not everyday. I worded it wrong, I do leave DS alone with him but not for hours as I know he won't feed DS anything healthy, it isn't just a packet of crisps. If it was I wouldn't have an issue. We don't all eat together, I give DS his dinner at 5 but he still sees us eat. They occasionally bring a takeaway back which of course DS also wants and SS has started bringing McDonald's home regularly which DS wants also.

I do let him have McDonald's maybe once a month but I don't want it to be a regularly thing.

OP posts:

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 05/09/2023 13:32

What is your version of 'healthy'?

And again, what's wrong with 'frozen' food?

Freshstarts23 · 05/09/2023 13:35

He really wasn’t abused whoever said that is being dramatic

WaltzingWaters · 05/09/2023 13:38

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Of course the odd unhealthy meal/snack is fine. But if it’s all the time and your child is now refusing anything healthy because he sees others eating crap all the time of course it’s an issue.
But it really needs to be his dad, the other adult, who leads this change. Not SS who is channeling his dads awful habits.

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