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AIBU?

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Original poster

New Job Offer - Alarm bells!!

98 replies

ThePerfectTen · 04/09/2023 23:32

I have been offered a job, my first f/t job since having children. I know I am able to do the job but I am not sure about the transition required re going back to a f/t career role with young kids, and also have alarm bells after recieving the contract.

Well tbh alarm bells started at interview stage when they were whatsapp'ing me throughout the weekend, including at 8-9pm, regarding interview avalibility, dates and times etc. (I am already worrying about fitting f/t hours in around the family, never mind them thinking that i'm avaliable whenever they want and don't have respect for peoples boundaries/free time)

The initial interviews (not with my manager) mentioned working from home, however the final interview and contract mention only working from the office. (This is a non negotiable for me tbh, i can't mentally give up WFH a few times a week. Now i have children and am older i need for my sanity.)

The contract i have recieved is just too much. It is so controlling, it makes me feel completely uneasy and really anxious. There are loads of references to being 'expected to work as many hours as needed to get the job done' I am in a trusted, responsible role atm and do not want to move to somewhere where i feel like I am signing my life away and being micro managed. Even though they have stressed they don't micromange and its a very senior role at interview stage, the contract definately doesn't really portray the ethos discussed at all. Me and my partner have never seen a contract like it.

Another general concern of mine of returning to f/t work, having childcare for holidays and seeing my children. The contract specifies that a number of holiday periods and bank holidays are not allowed to be taken as annual leave & I have to work bank holidays including the Christmas period and various half terms. Holidays also need to be booked a month in advance (I always book last min deals), health appointments have to be done outside working hours (How is that even possible?) etc etc - Just lots of restrictions i would expect if i was an untrusted employee with no work experience.

My manager also appears to completely live and breath his job 24/7 and is completely over enthusiastic. Although I will work hard and want to do my best. I am definately a work to live mentality now, not live to work so don't know whether i will find this exhausting lol. I also don't think anyone in the company has young children..

One part of me thinks this is a great opportunity, go back to them with my none negotiables, be honest and explain my concerns, get back into job market, prove yourself and make the role your own.

The other part of me says, its all too much, listen to your instincts and keep with your p/t role atm until children are older and able to look after themselves more, you can't take on this extra stress and juggling when its clearly a restrictive environment.

But are there really any jobs out there that tick all the boxes?? Right salary, location, hours, responsibility etc etc...

I just don't want to give up my current, completely flexible, manage my own time (but uninspiring/unmotivating) role and create myself lots of extra pressure by taking on a different job & then realise i have made a big mistake.. but also don't want to have any regrets.

I honestly need some unbiased opinions and thoughts please (Thank you for your time reading this :)

OP posts:
adomizo · 04/09/2023 23:35

life is far too short for this job.no way would I take this !!

AcornRoots · 04/09/2023 23:38

One part of me thinks this is a great opportunity, go back to them with my none negotiables, be honest and explain my concerns

I think I would do this, and see what their reaction is. Be very clear about what you will and will not be able to do, clarify any hard boundaries, like if you won't reply to WhatsApp msgs at weekends due to family commitments, etc.

You'll probably be able to tell from their reaction whether the role is going to work for you, I would imagine? I definitely don't see that you have anything to lose in doing this. If their reaction creates more alarm bells, run! ;)

Good luck!

Gemstar3 · 04/09/2023 23:41

Absolutely no way would I do this! Any normal job that doesn’t micromanage doesn’t need to tell you they don’t do it; it’s just the norm.

The choice isn’t just your current job or this job - I’d keep looking.

Mumof1andacat · 04/09/2023 23:43

All very unprofessional and controlling. Step away and say you've charged your mind and block them on your phone.

user1471556818 · 04/09/2023 23:44

No way would I take this job so many issues , red flags and yes you can try to negotiate before accepting but would it stick would be my concern. Good luck

junbean · 04/09/2023 23:47

Honestly this sounds like a scam. Be really careful what info you give them. This is incredibly prevalent these days.

Zhougzhoug · 04/09/2023 23:50

Sounds shit, I wouldn’t do this either

Crinkle77 · 04/09/2023 23:51

God no sounds awful, I wouldn't even negotiate cos they probably won't stick to it.

Cloudsandyoghurts · 04/09/2023 23:51

Sounds like your current role is very much like mine, although mine is currently full time. I know I could do a more challenging job and something more inspiring etc etc but I can't give up the trust and flexibility I have. kids are early teens and I thought by now I'd be ready to move on to something else but at the moment I don't think I could cope with the type of contract you describe. Problem is how do you question/ challenge that without looking unmotivated, not dedicated to the role etc?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/09/2023 23:53

I have no idea whether its a scam or not, but I would say in most jobs you can ask to be non contactable on time off., although even then I would still expect the odd Flo has gone sick any chance you can cover text. Not being able to take holidays at certain times of year and having to give x number of weeks notice is not unreasonable from an employer and I wouldn't expect that to be negotiable

mrsfollowill · 04/09/2023 23:54

I'd walk away from this one- sounds awful like you would be 'on call' all the time. Someone I know became very ill (stroke in 40's!) with this type of contract- being 'available' until 11pm every night then from 7 am the next day. Not at workplace the whole time but expected to troubleshoot.

Youcunnyfunt · 04/09/2023 23:55

That sounds like their culture, you aren’t going to be able to change their culture. It’s a management style that doesn’t suit all industries. Not a good fit for you based on what you’ve said above!

UpaladderwatchingTV · 05/09/2023 00:00

I agree with other posters OP. Sometimes it's better to stick with the old adage of 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'. Your current role seems to suit you well, and if this job were perfect for you, you wouldn't be having so many niggles in your mind about it. I can understand maybe wanting to get back to a more challenging career, but not at the expense of your mental health, and wellbeing. You've said that you are now of the mindset where you want to work to live, not live to work, so this definitely doesn't sound like the role for you. Stick with what you have for the time being, whilst keeping an eye out for other opportunities which seem a better fit for you and your family.

Sugarfree23 · 05/09/2023 00:06

Work the hours to do the role is fairly standard at senior levels, especially in construction I don't know about other industries.

The holidays and bank holidays is more of an issue, especially with children and school holidays. Childcare is fairly non-existent on bank or local holidays.

The 30 days notice to book holidays isn't so much an issue once your kids are in school it becomes hard to get a lady minute cheap deal.

The thing that would bug me is the messages at weekends.

Crapsummer2023 · 05/09/2023 00:10

Stay where you are. Don’t take this job and tell them why so they learn lessons.

Ellmau · 05/09/2023 00:14

It doesn't sound like a good fit so as you aren't actually desperate I would turn it down and keep looking for something better than your current role.

However, booking leave in advance isn't that uncommon, if only to make sure your entire team or everyone at your level of seniority isn't off at once. Last minute deals are not as common as they used to be anyway, but couldn't you book leave and then pick a deal that fit the time you had? Using annual leave for medical appointments is pretty standard too.

Does your field typically work BHs?

Grendell · 05/09/2023 00:15

Don't do it. There would be no boundaries.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/09/2023 00:31

Reply with your concerns and CC in HR.

Probably wont change anything but it might if "live to work" manager has made up his own contract , people will say it doesnt happen but it does!

Tessabelle74 · 05/09/2023 00:41

Stay where you are, no question about it

WhatapityWapiti · 05/09/2023 00:43

Overall it sounds a bit much, but working the hours required to get the job done is standard language in senior/professional role contracts and not a red flag in itself.

NutellaNut · 05/09/2023 08:24

The contract definitely makes it sound like you’ll be living to work for this company. You can talk to them all you want, but if that’s their work culture, you’ll always be a square peg in a round hole there. I wouldn’t give up a flexible role that fits around your family for one which seems to demand your attention around the clock. I’d pass on this one and look for something else that fits your requirements before you give up a cushy role that will be hard to get back if/when you realise you’ve made a big mistake.

billyt · 05/09/2023 08:35

The 'working hours to suit the role' is very standard in salaried employment. It is more likely they have tried to cover all bases in the contract but to some its would seem to be micro-managing.

But if you have these doubts now then this isn't the job for you.

I was offered my current job 7 years ago. Their contract offer didn't suit me. It would have involved travelling onto London five days a week. I had been doing this commute (2.5 hours door to door each way) for the company who they 'poached ' me from for five years and I'd had enough. I said what I would be happy with and they agreed. It had just been their standard contract because most of their employees lived in or very near London.

My job is computer/desk-based with site surveys carried out when required.(Can be anywhere in the world). So we agreed to 2 days a week in the office and 3 days a week WFH, although I agreed that I would always be flexible depending on what was needed. Some weeks I did go in five days, some days not at all. And in Dec 22 they changed my contract to full-time WHF.

Don't ask, don't get. If you have doubts then you have nothing at all to lose by asking for a change of contract more in line with what you'd be happy with.

Although, be aware they can always raise your contract at a later date and unless you don't mind leaving then your stuck.

hdbs17 · 05/09/2023 08:36

Don't do it.

Just the fact that they will message you outside of traditional working hours is enough for me - that combined with 'working however many hours are needed to get the job done' is a major no-no. They have no boundaries and clearly don't respect personal down time.

Hillcrest2022 · 05/09/2023 08:38

Hard no. The whatsapping on Saturday night would be enough for me to walk away.

HB1974 · 05/09/2023 08:39

Being expected to work hours required to get the job done.

Sounds like teaching, and is why I'm no longer a teacher.

My advice is to turn it down.