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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People going on and on about themselves

89 replies

Thirder · 04/09/2023 11:26

I have an friend who is nice, but she goes on and on about her life, minute detail about things she does every day. Aibu to maybe mention it in a non offensive way?
I know she does this with other people too. I don't know why although she maybe thinks her life and job are fascinating. They are really not.
Shes a nice person, very cheery, but takes no interest in anyone else,their day or their job or how they feel. I really dont think she's a selfish person and feel that maybe someone should point it out to her. Is it my place?
How do other people deal with this?
Do I jump in and do the same? It's not my style so I normally smile and nod but I'm sure my eyes glaze over after a while and she doesn't notice.

OP posts:

Original poster

Thirder · 04/09/2023 19:16

RhymesWithTangerine · 04/09/2023 18:15

I wonder is it an insecurity, but she doesn't seem insecure at all. Just has zero interest in me or anything that's not to do with her and her life.

I think this friendship is also about your insecurity a bit OP. You can do better than someone who has zero interest in you.

It's not a friend as such, more a person through circumstance, who I have a lot in common with and we spend some time together. Not by choice. Sorry I was trying to be vague by the term friend. It's not quite like that!
But I agree, it's not mutual friendship by any stretch. Also, she has said before about people being nosey, asking her questions. So I also think there may be an element of her being afraid to intrude. Afraid to enquire or appear nosey. Not sure.

OP posts:

AffIt · 04/09/2023 20:12

My best friend is madly into F1.

In spite of me knowing less than nothing about F1 and caring even fucking less, she INSISTS on banging on about F bloody 1 and talking about drivers by their first names, then getting mildly offended by the clueless look on my face because I have absolutely no idea who she's talking about (or, indeed, why).

She has many other great traits, though, so I let this slide.

Purrrrrdy · 05/09/2023 05:15

My Mum is kind, generous and she absolutely rocks with other people in crisis. She just spoils things with her constant yammering.

Autieangel · 05/09/2023 05:19

My friend does this and she does have adhd. I don't mind, its only tricky if we are on the phone and I want to end the call.

RantyAnty · 05/09/2023 05:23

How did you end up friends with her?

junbean · 05/09/2023 05:30

I had this talk with a friend after years of it and it helped a little. She even told me it was a big eye opener for her. But years later I ended the friendship because it really was one sided. I saw how much energy I gave and the difference was overwhelming. She wasn’t a bad person, her mom was the same way, and she was very spoiled as a child. Not her fault, but for my own sake I had to end it.

Another perspective is, sometimes I have social anxiety really bad. I feel a lot of pressure to hold conversation and seem somewhat normal, to the point I almost black out and can’t really control my words. Any sense of manners goes out the window. I look back and feel humiliated because I didn’t ask the other person about them, or interrupted someone, or missed a social cue, and probably talked about myself too much. I do much better in forums like this or texting because I can stop and think, and proofread before sending. I know it’s a very specific example, but there could be other reasons for her besides just being selfish or rude. So I would talk to her about it. She might appreciate it, or you might find out something about her that will help you make a good decision.

Mystro202 · 05/09/2023 08:33

greengreengrass25 · 04/09/2023 18:23

It's the talking about other people you don't know that does my head in, I don't care about Mrs Smiths bunion etc

Omg this! I have moved away from my hometown but I could tell you everything about my Mum's neighbours . She finds their mundane lives so fascinating that she needs to fill me in.. I have no interest in their lives or their illnesses, it just bores me to death!!

WhataPlaice · 05/09/2023 09:20

Girlfriend44

These people don't think you're quiet. They don't notice you haven't spoken and they don't want you to. It's not a matter of trying to keep the conversation going to avoid periods of silence. They just can't stop. They have no filter, it's just a complete brain dump of every trivial thought that enters there head, a non-stop monologue of me, me, me. Their health, their job, their holidays, their family the books they've read, the films,TV they've watched, the people they know and when they've exhausted that list, their sodding neighbours, pets and random people. They never ask a question or cut dead any conversation that doesn't involve any of the above. I seem to attract them. Some I have managed to ditch over the years but I have a couple of persistent ones who I still care about, at least with them we've reached the stage where I just tell them & can say "Enough, now we're going to talk about me". We can laugh about it & it's good natured but I still leave the phone on the side & leave them to it when they're in full flow.

CleverLilViper · 05/09/2023 10:21

girlfriend44 · 04/09/2023 17:46

How do you know?

Because as PP have repeatedly pointed out, they try and interject into the conversation but the other person keeps bringing it back to them and what they want to talk about.

These are the types of people that don’t leave a silence long enough to cut in or become visibly uncomfortable and disinterested if someone else does talk.

OriginalUsername2 · 05/09/2023 10:28

I had this friend! I once text my DP “ just asked me how I’ve been!!!” and he text back a shocked face.

Spidey66 · 05/09/2023 10:35

There's a woman in my book club like this. She's never read the book, just comes to talk about herself. I know she wfh and lives alone so get she's probably lonely but she's so intense and quite boring to tell the truth. If someone us asked a question directly she'll jump in as if it was her being asked and she just goes on...and on....and on. How she hates her flat, her job, her single status everything.

ChevyCamaro · 05/09/2023 11:29

My friend who is a teacher. She talks AT LENGTH about the ins and outs of her job, individual children by name, the technical details of teaching (which are utterly meaningless to anyone who isn't a teacher). I know far more than I ever wanted to know about being a teacher..
I never really talk about my job in detail with anyone not in the same profession because I know it's boring and incomprehensible (even to me).

Glonda · 05/09/2023 11:52

DMum is like this.

I'm pretty sure she has narcissistic personality disorder (for this and other reasons).

People with NPD have to feel "in control" of any conversation. Either it has to be about them, or about something they're the expert on (they feel like they know more about it than anyone else in the conversation). Otherwise they get massively uncomfortable and have to steer the conversation back onto their territory.

Not saying that all these megatalkers have NPD, but it does sound like some of them might have.

CauldronOfLove · 09/09/2023 11:08

Honestly, my DSis pissed me off so much yesterday. My DC had a big transition this week and DSis called to “check on me” and after 2 minutes blabbered on about herself.

She kept on interrupting if I got a word in edgeways, I just carried on talking as she called ME to check on ME. At one point we were just talking at each other! 😂

No, I don’t want to hear about your MIL and how it ‘relates’ to my DC because it doesn’t.

The last time we met she kept on talking about some documentary she watched about old people. Just kept on bringing it back it regardless on what we were talking about; holidays, health, the airport fiasco…

I’ve noticed she only shows an interest in me when she wants to ‘advise’ me. And it recently dawned on me that she doesn’t even take her own advice and does the opposite.

It really made me realise how tedious she is.

Does anyone else have people who love to give unsolicited advice?

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