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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People going on and on about themselves

89 replies

Thirder · 04/09/2023 11:26

I have an friend who is nice, but she goes on and on about her life, minute detail about things she does every day. Aibu to maybe mention it in a non offensive way?
I know she does this with other people too. I don't know why although she maybe thinks her life and job are fascinating. They are really not.
Shes a nice person, very cheery, but takes no interest in anyone else,their day or their job or how they feel. I really dont think she's a selfish person and feel that maybe someone should point it out to her. Is it my place?
How do other people deal with this?
Do I jump in and do the same? It's not my style so I normally smile and nod but I'm sure my eyes glaze over after a while and she doesn't notice.

OP posts:
clotheshorsegym · 04/09/2023 17:41

girlfriend44 · 04/09/2023 17:34

These people would probably say you are quiet and you don't speak enough.

If you don't speak, you can't complain if they do.

Sorry but you are completely missing the point. These people do not like anyone else to talk.

Blondewithredlips · 04/09/2023 17:42

I have a friend like that. I could not cope so I only see her with other people as you cannot behave like that in company.

girlfriend44 · 04/09/2023 17:46

How do you know?

Buildingthefuture · 04/09/2023 17:47

We had “friends” like this. They were a couple and they just…couldn’t talk about anything but themselves. In such crushingly boring detail. Where they had been, what they had eaten (course by course) what they were wearing (both of them. With all clothes changes during the day detailed. Including shoes and for him, socks) conversations they had had with others on a point by point basis. It was weird AF because they literally had NO interest in anyone else. They were both terrible gossips and truly awful about people who they were supposed to be friends with. Needless to say, we haven’t seen them for years. No time for that shite!

clotheshorsegym · 04/09/2023 17:48

girlfriend44 · 04/09/2023 17:46

How do you know?

Either you don’t have a friend like that or you are that friend and no one has had the balls to tell you you’re boring everyone to death.

Blondewithredlips · 04/09/2023 17:48

girlfriend44 · 04/09/2023 17:46

How do you know?

Because she does not talk about herself non-stop when others are with us. I am the only one she does it to when just the two of us.

HowardKirksConscience · 04/09/2023 17:49

Annaishere · 04/09/2023 12:19

Maybe tell her she’s really speedy. It sounds like ADHD

Not another symptom … 🙄

GLORIAGloriarse · 04/09/2023 17:51

I find it so draining. Recently worked with a team of people like this who didn't converse, they just offered a stream of information in turn about their lives. No cross- discussion, interest or questions. It worked well for them as they must have been similar characters or from similar backgrounds but christ it was boring. I didn't know them well but was being told absolutely minutae about their domestic lives constantly. I'm still puzzled as to where it all came from.

CruCru · 04/09/2023 17:51

Do any of these people do that thing where they speak more quickly and loudly whenever they suspect you might be about to speak? Sometimes I do the intake of breath to see if they are going to start shout-talking.

clotheshorsegym · 04/09/2023 17:53

CruCru · 04/09/2023 17:51

Do any of these people do that thing where they speak more quickly and loudly whenever they suspect you might be about to speak? Sometimes I do the intake of breath to see if they are going to start shout-talking.

My friend breaks eye contact with anyone who looks like they may attempt to contribute to her monologue

SerenChocolateMuncher · 04/09/2023 17:53

clotheshorsegym · 04/09/2023 17:41

Sorry but you are completely missing the point. These people do not like anyone else to talk.

Show quote history

Exactly Clotheshorsegym. People like this are not filling awkward gaps in conversation, they have (consciously or unconsciously) developed strategies to prevent others from speaking, or if that fails and someone else manages to speak, of bringing the conversation back to them as quickly as possible.

I believe the friend I referred to in my previous post genuinely thinks that we are fascinated by her tales of sickness, accidents and visits to A&E.

Roussette · 04/09/2023 17:55

Yes, I open and close my mouth like a goldfish trying to jump into the conversation.

The monologue then speeds up

clotheshorsegym · 04/09/2023 17:58

Roussette · 04/09/2023 17:55

Yes, I open and close my mouth like a goldfish trying to jump into the conversation.

The monologue then speeds up

😂

Malapataraso · 04/09/2023 18:01

It’s hard to give advice on whether you should say something when I don’t know in what social situations you must see this person. Are your kids on the same soccer team and you run into her at matches? Is she part of a group of friends and you see her only within the group? What is the situation you’re in where you can’t just cut this person out of our life?

Purrrrrdy · 04/09/2023 18:06

@Justleaveitblankthen even worse, she has the barefaced cheek to criticize a bloke down the street for talking too much and boring her to death.
She calls him Chatty Man!

When she's waking the dogs she tries to avoid him and will walk the other way or run in the house if she sees him.
Apparently he is boring yammerer and follows her up the street yakking on and on.

She once complained that she got stuck with him for so long that she burnt some pork chops that she had put in the oven to cook while she took the dogs for a quick walk.
The irony is totally lost in her.

SkaneTos · 04/09/2023 18:10

I have the opposite problem right now. My life is kind of sad and empty at the moment, I am not where I want to be and it's my own fault, and I don't like to talk about it. But people still ask questions, and I have to dodge them. I know they mean well, but right now I prefer to talk about other stuff, so I try to ask all kinds of questions about the person I'm talking to instead.

GalileoHumpkins · 04/09/2023 18:12

even worse, she has the barefaced cheek to criticize a bloke down the street for talking too much and boring her to death.
She calls him Chatty Man!

That made me laugh because my friend will criticise other people for talking too much and say "she thinks it's the Mary (or another name) show" 😂

greengreengrass25 · 04/09/2023 18:13

I know quite a few as well

Mil does it quite a lot

RhymesWithTangerine · 04/09/2023 18:15

I wonder is it an insecurity, but she doesn't seem insecure at all. Just has zero interest in me or anything that's not to do with her and her life.

I think this friendship is also about your insecurity a bit OP. You can do better than someone who has zero interest in you.

XenoBitch · 04/09/2023 18:15

GalileoHumpkins · 04/09/2023 18:12

even worse, she has the barefaced cheek to criticize a bloke down the street for talking too much and boring her to death.
She calls him Chatty Man!

That made me laugh because my friend will criticise other people for talking too much and say "she thinks it's the Mary (or another name) show" 😂

This makes me wonder if we know the same person! She will also say the same about other chatterboxes.

Purrrrrdy · 04/09/2023 18:15

Just to add, we were on a 45 minute drive to the airport and for the whole drive my
Mum talked about her PC keyboard that was broken. On and on and on.
In the end I said Mum, I think you've work it out now.
Yes, yes she said and carried in some more!

I meant that she'd worn out the conversation about the keyboard but it went right over her head.

Purrrrrdy · 04/09/2023 18:16

*Worn it out

greengreengrass25 · 04/09/2023 18:23

It's the talking about other people you don't know that does my head in, I don't care about Mrs Smiths bunion etc

cruisebaba1 · 04/09/2023 18:29

TheInterceptor · 04/09/2023 13:33

Yup

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

LindorDoubleChoc · 04/09/2023 19:15

Ha ha! My brother is like this, I can only take him in small doses. I sometimes have to force him to talk about something else. I was in the car with him recently on a 1.5 hour drive listening to the interminable mix of anecdotes from his past (which I have mostly heard more than once before) and everything he has done in the last two weeks. One thing he'd done was drive with my step-mother to some event or other they were going to and he said "And she literally didn't pause for breath the whole journey!". Made me smile in an ironic way. He definitely is a bit Aspie as are all the men in my family (3 brothers).

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