People going on and on about themselves

[Thirder]

I have an friend who is nice, but she goes on and on about her life, minute detail about things she does every day. Aibu to maybe mention it in a non offensive way?
I know she does this with other people too. I don't know why although she maybe thinks her life and job are fascinating. They are really not.
Shes a nice person, very cheery, but takes no interest in anyone else,their day or their job or how they feel. I really dont think she's a selfish person and feel that maybe someone should point it out to her. Is it my place?
How do other people deal with this?
Do I jump in and do the same? It's not my style so I normally smile and nod but I'm sure my eyes glaze over after a while and she doesn't notice.

I once heard my sister half jokingly say to someone similar, Oh! That’s enough about me is it? Let’s get back to talking about you - AGAIN! 🙄

I’ve adopted it only a couple of times, but it seems to work. If it’s too offensive, they’re more than welcome to go and bore someone else!

OH's mother is like this. The only conversation is about her and her interests. Cats, illnesses, TV programmes. Never shows the remotest interest in what we've been up to. At least it makes conversation easy - you just let her talk.

I have a friend like this, she can talk for literally hours about herself. I call her when I’m running or have a long drive so I can let her talk while I’m doing something else. I don’t think she realises what she’s doing though because more than once I was on the phone with her for ages before getting a chance to say anything about something I’d done and she was like OMG can’t believe you never even told me about that!

I have a friend who is rather like that.

I put it down to a level of insecurity - if they're not constantly "selling" their life, they just don't feel good enough. Even though a hopeless over-achiever in their field and therefore really rather interesting to listen to - but as they never show any interest back, I do sometimes wonder how they see friendships.

I do also wonder if they're ND, or perhaps just not hugely interested in other people.

Reading this thread is making me wonder why I stay in touch.

I have a friend like this as well - it is like she is incapable of editing her conversation so ends up talking about herself and her life for hours - so I'd see her on a Monday and she'd ask me how my weekend was and I'd say something like 'oh, the usual' and maybe say one thing we did if that was more interesting.

Then I'd ask her how her weekend was and I'd get a blow by blow account of what every single member of her household got up to, every hour of the weekend (at least that is what it felt like). God, it was so tedious. And she talks quite slowly as well.

The worst one was when she was giving me a lift somewhere and we picked up someone else along the way. So I got whatever lengthy, unedited details first. Then she repeated it for the benefit of the friend we picked up. She then repeated the whole bloody thing again when we got to our destination for the benefit of the people there. I was ready to top myself by then.

My relation is not ND or anything like it. She just loves the sound of her own voice.

I find it amazing that people like her talk of these other people no one knows anything about.
Last time we were in a car together it was half an hour about a man who lives in the next road but one, his son's friend runs a garage 20 miles away and the woman who she goes walking with.... her NDN took his car there and there was a problem with a tyre!
I don't know these people, her and I don't live in the same county!
I am not interested in these people
I do not want to know anything about these people.

I used to try and interrupt and ask relevant questions about her DCs or her garden, anything, but I've given up doing that. Because she says "hang on, let me finish the story" and carries on. It's not 'a story'. It is a monologue about random people.

That is just a snippet. It's like that for hours

I have some relations like this. Even when you just launch into new topics they don’t engage or take turns. Tiresome.

I minimise time with friends and acquaintances like it.

I had a friend like this too. Also, when she was thinking about the next thing she could drone on about, she would make a long 'aaaaaaah' sound so that it hogged the airwaves and no-one else could jump in and actually say something. Dreadful.

There's two guys at work like this. If I was to start a conversation with either of them it would be turned around to be all about them within ten seconds and I would never get a word in edgeways every again

It took me a little while to realise but once I did I stopped making conversation with them and just give a polite Hello now

They don't realise they're doing it OP but it's very draining for other people all the same

I can't be friends with someone like this. One of the mums from primary was like this. I don't think she ever asked me a single question about myself in 7 years. I can be very self-centred and can talk about myself till the cows come home, but I akways make a point of asking how the other person is.

I have one too. She will repeat the same stories, usually pregnancy/ her chronic illness /children related, over and over and over. I’ve become very good at glazing over.

People like this are the reason I have given up trying to make new friends. I seem to attract them. At least I’m getting better at the quick ditch.

My boss, who I consider a friend, is a bit like this. ANY time you mention anything that's happened in your life he will somehow relate it back to himself, even if the thing he starts talking about isn't really anything remotely like yours. He could spend all day long talking about himself and I regularly hear the same tales repeated over and over again, because he tells everyone.
It used to irritate the shit out of me but I've realised he unlikely to ever change, and in the grand scheme of things he could be a lot worse so I just let him get on with it and only partly pay attention most of the time.

Seems there's a lot of them about, I've got a friend like that too.
Conversation usually starts with me asking how she is. The reply is "well, where do I start"
She can drone on for literally hours, going into great detail about ppl I've never met. Usually, as we are parting, she says, oh how are you? By that point I'm so drained by her I just say fine.
I sometimes wonder if she would quite happily talk to a brick wall.
I try not to glaze over but honestly, I don't think it would bother her if I did.
I've ghosted her now, I haven't got enough energy in my social battery anymore.

Does she do it to be competitive or to relate to you. Some people will respond to a story by saying something similar happened to them and it isn't because they're being competitive or trying to one up you it's because they are trying to show you they relate to you.
Additionally you say her life is boring, do you think maybe she doesn't have more exciting things to talk about so she's just telling you about her life.
I also wonder about her ability to pick up on social cues if you say she talks even when your eyes are glazing over.
Overall it does sounds like she's possibly not neurotypical but there are also neurotypical people who do like to talk forever and one up you so it's hard to know.
My recommendation would be try viewing it from a different pov next time and see if it changes your opinion, maybe also don't wait for questions - many people with autism will assume if you want to tell them something you'll volunteer the information.

I know someone like this. I actually don't mind listening to other peoples stories/gossip, but fuck me when it's every single minute detail.

She starts telling a story about something that happened on a night out, but then goes into detail about what she was wearing, where she got the outfit from and how when she bought the outfit she nearly got the pink jumper, but the shop assistant was rude, well not rude but not polite, and the shop assistant had red hair and freckles and was pretty and looked younger than she was, so she bought the blue jumper. Then onto what she ate, and how the food was a bit salty, but she didn't like to complain, and she's had better at the Harvester, but the desserts were amazing and the waiter was so funny but she wouldn't go there again. But the toilets were so clean. At home she cleans her toilet every day, but her mother in law has a filthy toilet.

Before you know it 2 hours have gone and she still hasn't git anywhere near telling you the actual story.

I know a couple of people like this. As long as everything is normal (and I don’t see them too often), I don’t mind if someone is a talker. However I do get cross if they endlessly break the social contract - if there are two of you, it is important that you both speak for at least a third of the time.

I find quite a few people can be like this. I’m a listener so when they find me they don’t let go easily. 😐

I know a couple of people like this.
one will make a point of asking how I am, then settle down to talk endlessly about herself. As I’ve got older I’m losing patience. I seldom see her now. These people are vampires, they are not interested in anything except themselves.

These people always remind me of Bette Midler in Beaches when she says "But enough about me, let's talk about you... what do YOU think of me?"

My friend Abigail is like this. Both she and her husband Simon have some chronic health issues which she seems to think are fascinating to other people.

She is a lovely, kind person and devoted to a demanding husband who needs (or wants) a high level of care from her (despite her own poor health), but the particular habit I am about to describe can be a bit wearing.

The moment you meet her she excitedly launches into mundane stories about visits to hospitals, GPs, physiotherapists as if they are exciting and fascinating adventures. She genuinely seems to think that friends and acquaintances are anticipating her medical news like you would the next episode of exciting soap story or television drama.

Once a month Abigail and I and two other friends Joanne and Nicola, meet up with other female friends. We usually go to a pub or restaurant and the four of us take it in turns to drive, because we live within 10 to 15 minutes drive of each other and being a big, geographically spread group, the meetings are sometimes as much as 20-25 miles away.

Depending on whose turn it is to drive, where we are going and which order we are picked up, I might hear the full Abigail and Simon medical update up to three times before we reach our destination where we hear it again for the benefit of the friends that didn't travel with us.

It is quite often the case that during the journey the only person to utter a word beyond "Hello, how is everyone?" is Abigail. She is an expert at avoiding pauses long enough for anyone else to speak.

Occasionally, she will pause to breathe or cough for long enough that I might ask Nicola,

"How are you and Mike?" To which Nicola might reply.

"We are are fine, we had covid a few weeks ago, but it wasn't too bad."

Abigail will jump in with something like "When I had covid I was so ill, I had to call the doctor out in the middle of the night..." the boring details (which we have already heard numerous times) will be repeated before she continues with the latest fascinating episode of the Abigail and Simon medical show.

We are all on a WhatsApp group that we use to arrange the monthly meetings. Sometimes, after a meeting we get a further update on the WhatsApp group, something like,

"When I got home, I found Simon lying in bed with a headache, I called NHS Direct. They suggested I give him a couple of paracetamol and see how he is in the morning. Thank you for a lovely evening, it was great catching up with all the news...".

My Mum is like this.
She never, ever stops. It's like a brain download. Rarely asks about me.

Like a PP above I might have to listen to the same story multiple times as she updates various people.
It's the most mundane, boring and ridiculously detailed yammering on and on. Things I wouldn't even give a second thought about, never mind talk about are over dramatised and turned into an epic saga.

We used to have Skype calls before the days of WhatsApp and they went on for hours. My husband used ask 'what did your Mum have to say?' and I couldn't say because it was just a continuous monologue, even though she would repeat everything I couldn't remember it all because it was an overload.

I started writing bullet points so I could tell him.

I could go to the loo or outside for half a cigarette and she wouldn't know I was gone.

The repeating is probably the most annoying thing, on Saturday she told me 7 or 8 times that the dog had cocked his leg on the curtains and footstool.

She has no awareness that people are edging away or glazing over. My husband walks away and she just carries on.
I pick up my phone and don't engage but she just keeps on.

Like PP, i had a friend who liked a very niche show on TV.
She knew I didn't watch it and had zero interest, but she had some sort of internal urge to discuss the plot/characters/Actors/their private lives/possible outcomes of storylines from start to finish every time she saw me. It would waste literally hours of our drinking/dancing time 🤨
This was not a two way street.
I would say, Oh I was watching 24hrs in Police Custody do you ever..and her eyes would narrow, genuinely annoyed at my interruption 😂

@purrrrdy
This made me lol, sorry 😂😂

These people would probably say you are quiet and you don't speak enough.

If you don't speak, you can't complain if they do.