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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister used my house whilst we were on holiday

74 replies

LoopyLucee · 03/09/2023 21:40

AIBU?
We recently went on holiday and offered my husband’s sister use of our house whilst we were away as she had her 2 children that week. So I made up the 2 spare bedrooms for them to use.

Whilst we were away his sister asked if one of the boys could bring a friend over too, we said no problem, I think this friend may have ended up sleeping over. His sister also messaged asking if it was ok if one of her other friends and daughter came over. His sister then asked if another friend could stay over to babysit the kids whilst she went out one evening with her friends.

When we returned from holiday late on Friday night none of the beds had been stripped (or re-made) and someone had clearly slept in our bed, despite there being no reason for them to be in that room. The food waste bin hadn’t been emptied and had a new variant of Penicillin growing in it!

Am I right to be a bit narked off? If I had stayed at someone else’s house whilst they were away I would have definitely stripped the beds and probably asked where the sheets were to make the beds. I would have also emptied the bins.

Returning home after travelling with loads of washing is bad enough, without then having to clean and strip and make the beds!

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 03/09/2023 21:43

See it as a lesson learned and don't offer again.

DustyLee123 · 03/09/2023 21:44

If the kids were in one room and mum in the other, surely the friend staying over would need another room/bed ?

Original poster
LoopyLucee · 03/09/2023 21:45

One of the spare rooms has bunk beds, the other twin beds.

OP posts:
Mehmeh22 · 03/09/2023 21:49

I thought you were going to say she didn't ask, but she did and you said OK. I think you need to be more specific if you do this again. It doesn't sound like they trashed the place or anything.

Irritating but chalk it up to experience.

Shinyandnew1 · 03/09/2023 21:50

I would hate people staying in my house whilst I was away-that would stress me out. Can’t she stay in her own house?!

Does she know you’re pissed off?

Changingplace · 03/09/2023 21:52

She probably didn’t want to go rooting about in all your cupboards to find clean sheets - as she didn’t ask, you should’ve told her where they were & asked her to do that when you agreed to her staying.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 03/09/2023 21:52

I would have emptied the bins but in terms of striping and remaking the beds I think that it would have helped if you had more explicitly said 'here are the sheets for X room, please change the beds and pop the used ones in the wash'. I wouldn't go digging around to find clean sheets myself.

Noalcohol · 03/09/2023 21:52

I strip the beds in my hotel or holiday lets. I thought everyone did!

Mamoun · 03/09/2023 21:53

Yes very bad mannered in my opinion.
I'd be very disappointed and enraged at the lack of respect! You've been so kind but she's taken you for a ride!

Noalcohol · 03/09/2023 21:53

I would have told her to bring her own bedding too.

Peanutbutter11 · 03/09/2023 21:54

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.

Gymmum82 · 03/09/2023 21:58

I don’t think not stripping the beds is that bad. I probably wouldn’t if I’d stayed at someone’s place. But sleeping in your bed is unacceptable and not emptying the bin is a bit grim

Hufflepods · 03/09/2023 22:00

In the grand scheme of things it’s not really that bad. You know she was staying, she asked permission for the kids friends to stay, none of it was in secret.
The bins not going out and the beds not being stripped is quite a minor annoyance really.

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 03/09/2023 22:00

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.

Do you always have such low expectations in life?

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 03/09/2023 22:02

I think this is rude. You had already been very accommodating and IMO you should return the house in a state of needing absolutely nothing done with a nice thank you gift waiting for the owner on their return

CherryMaDeara · 03/09/2023 22:03

I wouldn’t let her stay again.

You should have kept her to the agreed number of people (her and 2 kids) and told her house needs to be as she found it i.e. clean and tidy.

Now you know she’s a tramp don’t let her stay again.

Floribundaflummery · 03/09/2023 22:04

I think she had a cheek asking for other people you don’t know to stay in your home. It’s a huge act of trust to let someone be there while you are away. Completely disrespectful and ungrateful not to have stripped and remade beds to welcome you home and not emptied bins. Ask someone more appreciative of a free break in your home next time and clearly communicate what you want ie clean beds etc! I definitely wouldn’t ask her again.
The family who used to have our house when we went on holiday used to leave it pristine with gifts all over the house and garden, (unnecessary but lovely).

HardcoreLadyType · 03/09/2023 22:04

It’s rude. You let her use the house, the least she could do would be to make sure it was all clean and tidy when she left. I would not think you would have to spell this out to her.

Ascparent · 03/09/2023 22:06

You’re assuming everyone has the same values and standards as you and as you’ve discovered they dont

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/09/2023 22:09

I'm surprised that most posters seem to think you should be asked to strip the beds?! Are these the same posters who definitely do it in hotel rooms?!

If it were me, I would have asked - I probably wouldn't in my mum's house I'd just do it because I know where all the linens are. But my in laws? I would have just asked where the sheets were so I could change the beds and would at least strip them if they said don't worry.

The bins I probably would have not done unless you'd specifically asked me as I wouldn't have known the days or anything.

morelippy · 03/09/2023 22:10

Dreadful behaviour. I'd have stripped and remade beds, washed the used ones if poss.

I'd have left you milk, bread, a bottle of wine and some treats too for your late return

As for your bins... well that's just vile

SpamFrittersYouSay · 03/09/2023 22:12

Lesson learned. Don't allow it again.

Me, I couldn't have cared less.

Bellyblueboy · 03/09/2023 22:17

Noalcohol · 03/09/2023 21:52

I strip the beds in my hotel or holiday lets. I thought everyone did!

You strip the bed in a hotel??? I would never dream of doing that. Why do you do it?

Cucucucu · 03/09/2023 22:18

That would be the last time she would stay there

JudgeRudy · 03/09/2023 22:18

It's unclear why your sister is staying at yours. Is your home considerably 'better' than hers so its a treat or is she doing you a favour by house sitting?
I've just stayed over at my daughters home to house/dog sit for a few days. The fridge was 'run down' but I'd picked up a few goodies. She had bought my favourite deserts and drinks though. I didn't realise until night 2 that the clean sheets had been left by rather than on the bed (think she was rushed). I didn't bother changing anything and thought ill do that ready for them to come home to. I forgot.
I did empty the bin but 80% of it was already there. I replaced the coffee but left them with a dribble of milk.
I've never stripped my bed at someone's house. I'd prefer to do things my way in my home so follow suit.
The going out and leaving 'strangers' in your home would be a big no from me, but you said yes. I'm surprised the bin annoyed you so. I can't comment on the beds as it's unclear who slept where and what space was available. Did you specifically say don't use my room?

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