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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister used my house whilst we were on holiday

74 replies

LoopyLucee · 03/09/2023 21:40

AIBU?
We recently went on holiday and offered my husband’s sister use of our house whilst we were away as she had her 2 children that week. So I made up the 2 spare bedrooms for them to use.

Whilst we were away his sister asked if one of the boys could bring a friend over too, we said no problem, I think this friend may have ended up sleeping over. His sister also messaged asking if it was ok if one of her other friends and daughter came over. His sister then asked if another friend could stay over to babysit the kids whilst she went out one evening with her friends.

When we returned from holiday late on Friday night none of the beds had been stripped (or re-made) and someone had clearly slept in our bed, despite there being no reason for them to be in that room. The food waste bin hadn’t been emptied and had a new variant of Penicillin growing in it!

Am I right to be a bit narked off? If I had stayed at someone else’s house whilst they were away I would have definitely stripped the beds and probably asked where the sheets were to make the beds. I would have also emptied the bins.

Returning home after travelling with loads of washing is bad enough, without then having to clean and strip and make the beds!

OP posts:
LAMPS1 · 03/09/2023 22:30

Did you actually know and approve of the people who were in your home while your sister was out ? That would really really bother me.
I’m wondering because isn’t it an insurance concern to have random people in your home when you aren’t there and haven’t invited them and don’t know who they are. What if something had been damaged or was missing or worse.

Walesagogo · 03/09/2023 22:32

I'd have either put on new bedding or in the least stripped the beds. Yes it doesn't take 2 minutes so she should've done it. I'd have vacuumed and bought some flowers and left them in a vase as a thank you.
Thats shit OP. Well you won't be giving her that option again I guess.

JudgeJ · 03/09/2023 22:34

Changingplace · 03/09/2023 21:52

She probably didn’t want to go rooting about in all your cupboards to find clean sheets - as she didn’t ask, you should’ve told her where they were & asked her to do that when you agreed to her staying.

You have to love MN excuses for shitty behaviour! Even had the sister not known where clean sheets were kept she could at the very least stripped the beds and put a wash on! Do people really need to be told to strip beds?

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2023 22:36

Yanbu. We stay at our friends house for our holidays. If she's away, on the last morning I strip the kids beds and get one load in and onto the airer and a second load in. Can't normally do more than that. We empty all the bins to outside and tidy up. It's always cleaner than when we arrive.

Mysleepisbroken · 03/09/2023 23:44

I'd hate someone to strip my beds tbh. I'd much rather they leave them as they are. I'd prefer her to take the bin out though.

PeapodBurgundy · 04/09/2023 06:32

@Bellyblueboy I have always stripped beds in hotels to assist the housekeeping team; they have a ridiculously small turnaround on rooms, it's just one small way to make it easier. I also empty the bins and leave the begs knotted up by the door, and if there's a spare liner, I put that in before I leave too. It's just a basic courtesy IMO.

Bellyblueboy · 04/09/2023 07:53

PeapodBurgundy · 04/09/2023 06:32

@Bellyblueboy I have always stripped beds in hotels to assist the housekeeping team; they have a ridiculously small turnaround on rooms, it's just one small way to make it easier. I also empty the bins and leave the begs knotted up by the door, and if there's a spare liner, I put that in before I leave too. It's just a basic courtesy IMO.

i don’t agree it’s basic courtesy- I think basic courtesy involves being polite to people not doing their job for them.

its nice that you do that - a bit over board I think after you pay a fortune for a hotel roomS.

I think you are using basic courtesy incorrectly. Basic courtesy is saying please and thank you. It’s acknowledging everyone and treating people with basic respect. It’s not stripping or cleaning your hotel room because you think the cleaning staff aren’t given enough time to do it.

but I think you know that - you are just using the term basic courtesy to try and claim moral superiority 😊

polkadotclip · 04/09/2023 08:10

PeapodBurgundy · 04/09/2023 06:32

@Bellyblueboy I have always stripped beds in hotels to assist the housekeeping team; they have a ridiculously small turnaround on rooms, it's just one small way to make it easier. I also empty the bins and leave the begs knotted up by the door, and if there's a spare liner, I put that in before I leave too. It's just a basic courtesy IMO.

Not sure if you've ever worked in a hotel but I can assure you that in the many hotel rooms I've cleaned only one ever has this done.

I thought it was very strange of the guest and wondered what on earth was in the sheets that they had stripped them-- I had to check before putting them in the laundry and it did not make the turnaround faster!

Much better way of showering courtesy to housekeeping is to tip, just a couple of coins. Adds up across rooms.

Common throughout Europe, rare in the Uk.

Cardboardcup · 04/09/2023 08:13

i could cope with most of that but NOT someone else sleeping in my bed. I’d be furious but lesson learned, don’t offer your house again.

Wtfnowseptember · 04/09/2023 08:29

Yeah, that's shit, but now you'll know not to do it again. Sounds like she used your house as a party house and had everyone round. Maybe she was hungover after she went out and then couldn't clean it.

In someone else's house I'd strip beds, empty bins, hoover and wipe down as a minimum. I also wouldn't have used your bedroom. She sounds a bit scummy.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 04/09/2023 08:30

Noalcohol · 03/09/2023 21:52

I strip the beds in my hotel or holiday lets. I thought everyone did!

Literally no one does this in hotel rooms!

Wtfnowseptember · 04/09/2023 08:34

Literally no one does this in hotel rooms!

It might depend if you've worked in hotels? I always gather the towels and dump them in the shower/bath too.

Bellyblueboy · 04/09/2023 08:41

Wtfnowseptember · 04/09/2023 08:34

Literally no one does this in hotel rooms!

It might depend if you've worked in hotels? I always gather the towels and dump them in the shower/bath too.

But you are usually asked to do this. I put used towels in the bath to signal which ones need changed.

I don’t strip beds or take out the rubbish or clean the room - I have never been to a hotel where this is requested - and if it was I would never be back!!!

ZadocPDederick · 04/09/2023 08:44

Wtfnowseptember · 04/09/2023 08:34

Literally no one does this in hotel rooms!

It might depend if you've worked in hotels? I always gather the towels and dump them in the shower/bath too.

But this was in response to a post about stripping the beds, not dumping the towels. I've never come across anyone who thought they needed to strip hotel beds.

HennyPenny1234 · 04/09/2023 08:50

It's the first and also last time you'll be offering free use of your house

No good deed goes unpunished

sashh · 04/09/2023 08:50

Bloody hell OP if I had been staying you would have come home to clean, made beds and there would be milk in the fridge alongside something easy to cook / heat up like a Lasgna and salad.

And probably some flowers or a bottle of your favorite tipple.

NonMiDispiace · 04/09/2023 09:05

Apart from my DCs I wouldn’t let anyone else stay in my house.

GolgafrinchamB · 04/09/2023 09:12

Not emptying the bin was gross, but I wouldn’t expect her to strip the beds.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 04/09/2023 09:28

RUUUUUUDE. She wouldn't be allowed to stay again.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2023 09:51

Noalcohol · 03/09/2023 21:52

I strip the beds in my hotel or holiday lets. I thought everyone did!

I never do in hotels - that's what the cleaners are paid to do - but always always always when I go to stay at someone's house. I wouldn't always offer to put the clean sheets back on but I would if I'd had a free holiday in someone's house I'd want it to be spotless when they got back to encourage them to offer again!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2023 09:53

If she ever stays again your husband needs to talk to her about rules and expectations first

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/09/2023 10:05

So you have 2 spare bedrooms

Twins
Bunks

In twin would be sister
In bunks her kids

So if her friend and daughter stayed sounds like they were in your bed room

She did ask if could stay - so maybe she meant your room

But yes could have stripped sheets off and emptied bin

Why couldn't she stay at her house with her kids - so they not live with her usually ?

MeridianB · 04/09/2023 10:18

Why was she staying at yours? To house-sit for you or to have more room for her?

Not sure why her child's friend needed to stay the night.

I think it was really cheeky to send you messages asking for (babysitting) strangers to come and be alone in your house while you were away. And rude to not strip the beds.

ididntwanttodoit · 04/09/2023 10:33

Either chalk it up to experience and don't offer again, OR next time, ask her to strip beds and empty bins etc. Tell her where clean linen is and ask her to make beds up again fresh. Be specific!

FOJN · 04/09/2023 10:36

So I made up the 2 spare bedrooms for them to use.

Returning home after travelling with loads of washing is bad enough, without then having to clean and strip and make the beds!

This is why it's rude and lazy. When you get back from a trip you just want to empty your suitcases, put a load of washing on and have a cup of tea.

If changing the beds and emptying the bin are such minor inconveniences then why didn't your SIL do it?

I would not let her stay in your house again but should you give her the benefit of the doubt I think you need to be very specific about your expectations; beds to be changed, bins to be emptied and no one using your bedroom.

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