Sister used my house whilst we were on holiday

[LoopyLucee]

AIBU?
We recently went on holiday and offered my husband’s sister use of our house whilst we were away as she had her 2 children that week. So I made up the 2 spare bedrooms for them to use.

Whilst we were away his sister asked if one of the boys could bring a friend over too, we said no problem, I think this friend may have ended up sleeping over. His sister also messaged asking if it was ok if one of her other friends and daughter came over. His sister then asked if another friend could stay over to babysit the kids whilst she went out one evening with her friends.

When we returned from holiday late on Friday night none of the beds had been stripped (or re-made) and someone had clearly slept in our bed, despite there being no reason for them to be in that room. The food waste bin hadn’t been emptied and had a new variant of Penicillin growing in it!

Am I right to be a bit narked off? If I had stayed at someone else’s house whilst they were away I would have definitely stripped the beds and probably asked where the sheets were to make the beds. I would have also emptied the bins.

Returning home after travelling with loads of washing is bad enough, without then having to clean and strip and make the beds!

She's rude, she asked if she could stay with her kids. CF territory and I'd be clear with dh she isn't staying again.

It takes 1 minute and I’ve always done it so do my kids. Just leave it in a pile in the middle of the bed.

I'd prob have left you some flowers as a thank you / welcome home, and done a quick hoover and done all the washing up. I'd prob make sure there was fresh milk if you'd left some for me. But the beds I really wouldn't think of stripping - you have your own washing routine, your own sheets you like to use on particular beds, etc, and it's neater to leave it vaguely made up.

Why was your husbands sister staying over at your house in the first place? What does she usually do with her kids?

I would totally think something dodgy had happened if someone did that in a hotel probably even in my house tbh.

You know they all probably think you guys peed the bed or something, rather than are trying to be helpful 😬

I think you should have been more specific with what you expect and said. I've put clean bedding on the bed and left some clean stuff in the rooms. Before you leave please can you change the beds to make my life a bit easier when I return.

dont understand why she was offered your house when presumably she has her own house to stay in with her children??? at the very least you are not really sure just how many people and kids (majority of whom were strangers) were actually staying in your house and it sounds as if she and her friend have brought all the kids together to be looked after by one babysitter while they went out for the evening! I would be livid but then I would never have allowed that in the first place!!

I think if you want certain things done then it's always best to say exactly what those things are. It was very kind of you to let everyone stay and it would have been nice if she'd been more thoughtful.

I think yabu to expect guests to strip the beds. I never expect my guests to do so and I only ever do it when I'm staying somewhere if I have time (getting checked out with 3 young kids is tricky enough). My emphasis, as a guest, is making sure the place is clean, tidy, rubbish is at least bagged up if I don't know where to put it (but if I did, I would expect food waste to be emptied). I prefer things are reasonably clean and organised before I leave, and that takes priority over stripping the bed. I know someone who expects guests to keep topping up bread and milk, and while it's nice if they do, there shouldn't be an expectation. If the place is clean and tidy, then inthink it's a bit ungracious to expect guests to do extra.

Sleeping in my bed would be something I would be very annoyed about though.

Is it possible she thought she was doing you a favour by house sitting? Do you have pets?

It's annoying but I think just chalk it up to experience and never offer again.

Also, through the years my kids have wet the beds etc and I just don't want strangers having a good look at my mattress!

I understand how frustrating that must have been @LoopyLucee coming home late and finding you needed to change all the beds and I think your SIL could have asked you where the clean linen was and put the rubbish out etc. It is what I would have done

I assume that you thought when she asked about the friend staying over to babysit that the friend would sleep on one of the twin beds, but if you didn't say, please don't use our bedroom, then I can see why the friend or the SIL might have decided to sleep in separate rooms, so as not to disturb each other - and there WAS a third bedroom 'available'

So, personally, I would also give her the benefit of the doubt on this occasion and I would partly blame myself that I hadn't thought about telling her where all the clean linen was and I hadn't made it clear what I expected to come back to. Nor had I told her specifically that I didn't want anyone in our bedroom at all. Yes - my initial thinking ( if I had thought about it at all) was that she would leave my house the way she found it - but not everyone is the same ( look at all the posts saying different things). So I would probably offer again if the need arose but I would make it clear how I wanted the house left another time - and if that failed, only then would I never offer again!

Your SIL has very poor manners, but you and your husband were the ones foolish enough to allow all this.

I will say, I would be very irritated that someone slept in my bed. This situation illustrates that you can't trust your SIL's judgement. Lesson learned.

You said they could stay over though... I thought you were going to say that they'd just let themselves in. I would be a bit narked that they'd left a bit of a mess behind though.

Just say no next time. Lesson learned.

I would likely do the same or perhaps strip the beds but not remake them as I wouldn't want to go through somebody's things to find clean sheets.

Why was she treating your house like a hotel? Where does she live normally?

But you can strip and wash the bedding then put it back on the beds.

Want to house sit for me next time?! 💕😂

She lives locally, but we have a pool, so she wanted to use it with her kids, and friend and every Tom, Dick & Harry it would appear!

When she asked if friends could ‘come over’ I suspected she meant stay the night. Hence all beds including yours being used.

As for people saying they wouldn’t want to rummage for clean bedding, she was able to message about friends coming over, she could have asked about sheets!

I would also have cleaned up, re-stocked your fridge and Left a thank you note.

Not the disaster of the century but pretty dispiriting to walk into your home and the beds need changing.

Lazy of her.

No, we took the dog with us.
We we’re grateful of someone in the house a few nights so the house was occupied

That is the height of rudeness not to strip the beds even if they might not have bothered to look known where the fresh bedding might be. I would also have not been at all impressed with someone staying in my room. For those saying they don't strip beds in a hotel- erm- it wasn't a hotel, it was someone's home that these people stayed in for free!

It would be a big fat no the next time she asked to stay when you are away- and make sure you tell her why!

Not everyone 🤢 changes sheets between different people using the sheets 🤢 so it’s possible she’s one of these people 🤢.

Well you won't be letting her do that again will you? I leave my house clean and tidy when going away. I even change the bed linen so it is fresh when we get back. I couldn't bear the thought of anyone else using it whilst I was on holiday. I would be having words with her but from your post it seems you gave her the opportunity to do as she pleased and she certainly took you up on it.