AIBU to think 👍 is rude

[SowhoamI505]

When texting, my pet peeve is use of 👍, is this just me who finds it rude? To explain why I find use of it rude, it’s been used in response to questions and some other situations like sharing a photo.

Mine too!

And dad and I have customised messenger so it's an ocean theme so thumbs up becomes a whale!
Oh I shall change it now it's autumn!

I don't find it rude but do find it very dismissive

I use 👍 irl all the time

When with family, especially at my parents housewhere they have a bar at the bottom of the garden, if I'm standing at the back door and asking "Do you need XYZ bringing down?" then a 👍 is perfectly acceptable; or if we are having a party/gathering where there's a lot of us then a 👍 is a standard response if someone gestures to you from across the room to ask if you want another drink/food etc as the only other option is shouting or one person needlessly walking backwards and forwards to askm

When at work it's also totally normal and expected to use 👍 as shorthand to say "Heard and understood but no further discussion needed". I work in a pharmacy in a busy supermarket, sometimes I will be in the middle of doing a task and someone says something to me - if I'm not in a position to speak (eg I'm on the phone, in the middle of looking something up on the computer for a customer or I'm counting something and if I say anything other than the number in my head then I'll lose my place) and it's just something I need to acknowledge having heard without any further comment, then a 👍 is our standard response.

The same if, for example, we are waiting in the dispensary for a customer to return as I need to ask them a yes/no question before we can process their prescription. When I see them I tell my colleague I'll ask the question, go out to the counter and then rather than walk back through he dispensary and/or shout over everyone, a thumbs up or down let's them know whether to proceed or not so they can get started asap whilst I finish the interaction with the customer.

Yes, those examples are fair enough.

But does anyone in real life say
"Should we meet up again sometime"? And the person sitting across the table at the cafe goes "👍"

It's normal to do a gesture when you can't talk or don't want to shout (driving, phone call etc) but not in normal conversation. It's basically ending a conversation, the other person can't say anything back and it comes across as meh

I can't imagine doing a thumbs up 👍 to a question like that as that is passive aggressive and would mean no let's not.

(Unless it's like your mum who you see daily)

You'd reply with a yes let's, let me know when free (at a minimum)

As part of a message, no.

As a message on its own, yes.

I use thumbs up all the time and people use it to me and I don't think it rude at all

Face to face is quite different - for starters you are not interrupting someone accidentally, and secondly the communication isn't primarily via a visual medium

If you want words, phone them and speak
But don't get offended if they say now isn't a good time for a chat

I hate that too,, icomes across as sarcastic in some context, or lazy

Why rude?

Do you mean you expect people to comment at length on a photo you've sent them? Now THAT'S rude and entitled, in my book.

I have removed all my WhatsApp groups except family because of people sending photos and other rubbish and expecting a response 24/7. I haven't got the time, or frankly, any interest in people's photos. I never bother other people with mine!!!

It isn’t rude, I work in a large organisation and we get sent general organisation wide teams messages / service team messages/ then unit teams messages. Only staff who want to ask a question write something every one else just 👍 otherwise you would get 150 / 50 / 12 comments.
I’m also not supposed to use my personal mobile during work time so if someone sends me a text a quick 👍 is surely better than having to wait ages til my lunch break to get a reply.
Also I’m in several WhatsApp groups for community volunteering I do, there is a ridiculous No of messages at times and that would increase exponentially if people didn’t just 👍 to say they’d seen the message and would action but replied yes I’ll take care of that every time.

Well, it's clear that people are free to attach whatever meaning they choose to any symbol/action. Within Western cultures the thumbs-up symbol/action has traditionally meant agreement/acceptance/acknowledgement/OK. That is the widespread understanding of what that symbol means.

It seems that some people now wish to CHOOSE to attach dismissive, rude, or passive-aggressive meanings to the thumbs-up action/symbol. That's their problem. They are choosing to change the meaning in order to find offence where they don't need to.

If someone is genuinely using it to be dismissive then a) it's pretty ineffective since most people won't appreciate the nuance, and b) as the recipient, you can just choose to accept it at face value.

Language evolves. The literal meaning of "that's nice, dear" is positive, and yet, it is now often used patronisingly or dismissively. Just because something has always been used a certain way doesn't mean that's the way it will always be used. Inflexibility isn't an admirable trait.

If I'm offending people by using a thumbs up, then all I can say is that I hope one day to offend their petty little minds so much that they bugger off entirely.

I mean really, you get one life, and you're going to spend it being pissy about the incidental use of pictograms?

A moment spent thinking about this is a moment too long.

I was responding to you saying nobody ever uses 👍 irl and pointing out that there is a time and a place for using 👍 irl in the right context but nowhere did I say it has replaced all verbal communication.

If you are having a conversation with someone then of course it would be rude to just 👍 when they ask "Do you want another lemonade?" as opposed to just saying "Yes please" or "Are we still good to stop at X's house on the way home" "Of course" but that is because of the context of using a gesture rather than just speaking to the person directly in front of you not the action itself.

In a messaging situation 👍 is just shorthand for agreement/acknowledgment of the message without further need for discussion. It is no different to "Yes please" or "Of course" when used in a written medium like a text/WhatsApp message, especially if the person sending it is busy/can't chat etc. My WhatsApp is set up so that if a message appears on my lock screen and it is a question then I will be given 4 "autofill responses" - Yes, No, Maybe and 👍 - that I can just click on and it will autosend, but if I want to respond in any other way then I have to unlock my phone, go into WhatsApp and type the message. For me, just a "Yes/no/maybe" feels far ruder than a 👍 as it comes across as a short, blunt closedown of the conversation (especially as I would never just send a one word response) whereas, to me at least, 👍 means "I've acknowledged your message, I have nothing to add/need to make no comment but I can't chat rn" in a single emoji.

FFS

Well of course language evolves. And, as I said in my post, people are free to change the meaning of words/symbols. But the clue is in the word 'evolves'. It doesn't change overnight. A minority of people (currently) are choosing to interpret it as dismissive or rude. Ergo, they are choosing to be offended by it. The majority of people are using it in the traditional sense so therefore it is not universally rude. It is only rude if you are one of those choosing to interpret it that way.

I'm coming from the viewpoint of someone who often uses it passive aggressively or to dismiss something someone has said, in additional to the traditional usage of course. I don't know about majority or minority but most of my peers often use it as a substitute for "LOL if you say so".

My point is that it's a symbol that's very context dependent. Similar to :) which is also often used condescendingly (in addition to the usual smiley way as well).

It depends on the context. I think most emojis have the potential to be used passive aggressively.

@melj1213

Look hun, I'm not reading all that. You wrote a whole thesis there.

Have you ever heard of casual conversation? Yeah, people don't generally use a thumbs up, sheesh. 🤨

We use it a lot at work and have done for years. It's the opposite of rude.

What's rude about it?

It means, I agree, yes, I approve or I like.

I mean, I've changed the thumbs up on all my regularly used FB chats to either a toilet or a hotdog. Is that preferable?

I find it more weird when random work colleagues I don't really know put hearts on every one of my Teams messages tbh 😅

👍

OP thinks it’s less rude to disappear and not respond at all.

It you have truly never laughed until you have had tears running down your face I feel extremely sad for you.