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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being too overprotective?

58 replies

ellie09 · 03/09/2023 19:06

Hi all

I have a 6 year old DS who is autistic and has ADHD and he's an only child. He has always struggled socially despite trying to get him to mix etc. He goes to mainstream school.

He has some health and safety issues as he can't cross roads on his own, packs the concentration for this and has no sense of direction (He's got lost in supermarkets etc just two steps away from me). He also has some pretty intense meltdowns.

There are 3 children that live on our street from his school. He's become friendly with the youngest who is the year above him at school, and the other 2 are quite a bit older than him (at least 3 years).

They've been asking him out to play. But these are kids that I know wander further than just our street. I've had to keep saying no (with no real way of explaining why to a 7 year old) and my DS keeps wondering why also.

I just don't feel comfortable letting him out with kids who venture further and can't look after him the way that and adult can. My fear is he will end up lost, knocked by a car or have a huge melt down and left on his own away from the house. He's easily led, so I couldn't tell him to just stay on the street.

I don't want to invite other kids into my house as I have a Rottweiler who gets overexcited around visitors and don't want her jumping on any of them and hurting them

AIBU for repetedly saying no, or do I let him outside?

The thought of it sends my anxiety wild.

OP posts:
TheGirlFromTomorrow · 03/09/2023 19:09

I think he needs to be allowed to roam a bit otherwise he's not going to build up the skills to look after himself.

piglet81 · 03/09/2023 19:10

A 6yo with additional needs shouldn’t be ‘allowed to roam’ anywhere!

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2023 19:11

You are being very sensible, op. Your son is too young to be going off with older boys to start with, and then factoring in his other challenges, it would be very irresponsible of you to allow him to do this. In my opinion, and clearly yours, he's just not ready for this.

Zoomdoom · 03/09/2023 19:12

I wouldn't let my NT 6yr old roam the streets with a 7yr old! Can't they play in your garden, play with chalk or kick a ball outside the house where you can keep an eye on him.

BellaJuno · 03/09/2023 19:12

I wouldn’t let a 6 year old out to play without adult supervision, regardless of anything additional. So definitely fine to say no.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2023 19:14

I don't want to invite other kids into my house as I have a Rottweiler who gets overexcited around visitors and don't want her jumping on any of them and hurting them

I have to add, if this is the case, you either need to get this dog properly trained or re-home her. It's awful that your child can't have friends over because of your dog. Personally, I think having a poorly behaved Rottweiler around any child is absolute madness and a recipe for disaster.

PuttingDownRoots · 03/09/2023 19:15

He's not old enough is a simple explanation. Even a 7yo can comprehend you have more freedom as you get older.

Original poster
ellie09 · 03/09/2023 19:15

Obviously I don't hold him captive in the house, we go out and do things together and meet up with my friends and their kids, or his cousins in soft play, parks etc! The thought of just the "street" though makes me feel really uneasy! Some parents on our street never seem to leave, so their kids are let out from morning until 9pm!

I was thinking about finding a middle ground and perhaps bringing out a chair and sitting outside in the sunshine to supervise him but no other parents do this and I am sure the other kids wouldn't appreciate it too much.

Its a constant struggle between not letting other kids think he is "weird" and also trying to keep him safe.

Just as reference, even with me, he needs to hold my hand constantly around roads or he will just walk out.

OP posts:
Whawillthefuturebring · 03/09/2023 19:17

I wouldn’t let my sensible 7 yr old do this.

Zoomdoom · 03/09/2023 19:18

Your child's safety is more important than what other children think.

Original poster
ellie09 · 03/09/2023 19:18

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2023 19:14

I don't want to invite other kids into my house as I have a Rottweiler who gets overexcited around visitors and don't want her jumping on any of them and hurting them

I have to add, if this is the case, you either need to get this dog properly trained or re-home her. It's awful that your child can't have friends over because of your dog. Personally, I think having a poorly behaved Rottweiler around any child is absolute madness and a recipe for disaster.

My dog loves children. She will generally calm very quickly. However, she is used to just me and DS in the house and not a few other children as well. She gets a bit excitable. She's never jumped on DS but its just me being cautious I suppose!

Also my dog is used to my 2 nieces who are 1 and 3, and my friends son who is 5. But she hasn't had them all in the house at once.

OP posts:
HamishTheCamel · 03/09/2023 19:19

I wouldn't let him play out in these circumstances. Can you contain the dog in a particular room and let the kids play at yours?

Sirzy · 03/09/2023 19:21

I think sitting outside and giving him clear boundaries is the best idea.

the seven year old will have come across peers with autism before so if anything is asked just say “he needs a bit more help so I’m just going to sit here and watch but he knows he can go up to that lamppost and back” type thing.

Mysleepisbroken · 03/09/2023 19:22

I wouldn't let my very sensible 6 year old do this. I didn't think primary kids 'played out' any more tbh. Maybe they should (but not at 6!) but at the moment we just do playdates or the park.

Original poster
ellie09 · 03/09/2023 19:23

Just to add, my house doesn't have a huge garden (only small!) and it needs a bit of improvement.

I'm hoping to move in the next couple years and buy a house with a bigger and more enclosed garden for him to play in, in a better area! We live in a council estate at the moment so its very built up with lots of traffic!

Also before anyone adds, my dog has plenty of space in current situation for a little stretch of legs and she has daily walks and doggy play area at the park 😊 (she's an ex's dog that he abandoned when he left and I didn't get rid of her as DS became attached and they're like best mates)

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 03/09/2023 19:25

It's a shame that your dog stops him from being able to have play dates.
It's pretty normal to not let a 6 year old out unsupervised.

Sailawaytocromer · 03/09/2023 19:25

I wouldn’t have let me more sensible and mature NT child “play out” or “roam” age 6. 6 year olds need adult supervision (at least someone being able to keep an eye on them)

Merryoldgoat · 03/09/2023 19:26

TheGirlFromTomorrow · 03/09/2023 19:09

I think he needs to be allowed to roam a bit otherwise he's not going to build up the skills to look after himself.

Ffs.

Merryoldgoat · 03/09/2023 19:29

Does your child understand he has additional needs?

Mine was told at 5 when diagnosed and we are honest with him about what we can and can’t let him do owing to that.

His friends also know and we are open about things.

Additionally, in my opinion, a dog who prevents a child from having play dates is not a dog who belongs in a family home.

Tiredanddistracted · 03/09/2023 19:34

You really shouldn't have mentioned the dog. People on here won't let that go.

Merryoldgoat · 03/09/2023 19:39

Tiredanddistracted · 03/09/2023 19:34

You really shouldn't have mentioned the dog. People on here won't let that go.

You think a dog that means a child can’t have friends in there house is a good idea?

Original poster
ellie09 · 03/09/2023 19:39

Tiredanddistracted · 03/09/2023 19:34

You really shouldn't have mentioned the dog. People on here won't let that go.

Oh don't I know it!

Even if she was the most well behaved dog with not a hint of being excited etc, I highly doubt most parents would be keen on letting their child into my house given her breed and the stigma they have.

There's nothing at all wrong with my dog, she just gets excited initially when guests enter the house (like any!)

I also don't feel happy about letting kids in and out of my house without other parents being aware (the others seem to just play outside and don't seem to be going in and out of each others houses)

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 03/09/2023 19:42

You're right to not let him out by himself.

You need to find a way to secure your dog so that he can have his friends over though.

Or offer to take them both to the park (obviously ask the other parent first!).

Thepeopleversuswork · 03/09/2023 19:42

I don't want to invite other kids into my house as I have a Rottweiler who gets overexcited around visitors and don't want her jumping on any of them and hurting them

Homestly I would worry more about this than your kid going out to play. Having a Rottweiler in a home with young kids seems like a disaster waiting to happen. I’m sorry if the dog is a much loved pet but I think it needs to be rehoused.

I don’t think you are being overprotective on your other point and I understand your position but having a very dangerous breed of dog isn’t going to enhance your son’s ability to make friends.

Original poster
ellie09 · 03/09/2023 19:43

Merryoldgoat · 03/09/2023 19:39

You think a dog that means a child can’t have friends in there house is a good idea?

Show quote history

He does have friends round. My best friend comes round once every fortnight with her child. I look after my niece who is 3 and she also plays around.

It hasn't stopped him having friends over, but having 3-4 kids running in and out of my house where it may not even be planned (it depends on if he sees them out playing etc) is something the dog is not used to.

She's incredibly friendly and has been brought up with children from she was a pup.

OP posts:
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