Am I being too overprotective?

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have a 6 year old DS who is autistic and has ADHD and he's an only child. He has always struggled socially despite trying to get him to mix etc. He goes to mainstream school.

He has some health and safety issues as he can't cross roads on his own, packs the concentration for this and has no sense of direction (He's got lost in supermarkets etc just two steps away from me). He also has some pretty intense meltdowns.

There are 3 children that live on our street from his school. He's become friendly with the youngest who is the year above him at school, and the other 2 are quite a bit older than him (at least 3 years).

They've been asking him out to play. But these are kids that I know wander further than just our street. I've had to keep saying no (with no real way of explaining why to a 7 year old) and my DS keeps wondering why also.

I just don't feel comfortable letting him out with kids who venture further and can't look after him the way that and adult can. My fear is he will end up lost, knocked by a car or have a huge melt down and left on his own away from the house. He's easily led, so I couldn't tell him to just stay on the street.

I don't want to invite other kids into my house as I have a Rottweiler who gets overexcited around visitors and don't want her jumping on any of them and hurting them

AIBU for repetedly saying no, or do I let him outside?

The thought of it sends my anxiety wild.

I don't know a single person who would allow their 6 year old to play outside unsupervised. I am shocked that you are questioning whether you are being overprotective when what you are considering is really quite negligent.

You have options for him to socialise, sort out your dog and then the other kids can come round to play. I would be more concerned about my DC not being able to have friends over to his home for tea than not being able to play outdoors with no adults there.

Let him out but tell him he's only allowed on your street.

I think it's a bit unreasonable to not want him to play out or to let him have others round to play. I think you should try to do one or the other. Dc build their social skills with practice, so the more he is isolated the more his social skills will struggle.

I guess this is to do with where you live. I don't know a single family who didn't allow their dc to play out at that age.

I can get that if you live in a busy city it might not be the same, but it is absolutely the norm in my rural village.

Op said the dog gets a bit excited so wouldn’t want her to jump up. Why on earth would anyone rehome a dog for an odd play date.

I wouldn't rehome her 😂

She's a dog that has been used to a household with just me and DS. We had originally got her when I was with an ex but he took off one day and left us all. I questioned rehoming her back then as I was wondering how I could cope as a single parent, but the bond that my DS had made with the dog, it would have broken his heart. He calls the dog his "bestest friend" and his "sister".

My DS due to his needs prefers quieter settings also, so we wouldn't have many rounds at the house, maybe just one or two at a time so DS doesn't become overwhelmed. Naturally the dog has become used to this also, so if we have an influx of guests (say more than 3 people) she will get the "zoomies" and in a small house, if its too crowded, accidents can happen (not biting, just people or things getting knocked over!)

I don't like to think I deprive my child or dog of anything. DS socialises outside the home and has a very limited social circle anyhow so most would be fun days out rather than at home play dates. My dog gets daily interaction on walks, in parks and at doggy play parks.

I used to sit in my front garden or on the doorstep with a book to keep an eye. Dc had agreed points at the top and bottom of the road they are allowed to go to. If friends go past that point dc knew to come home.

The dog situation is madness. Just lock it away when the kids come in. As others have said, I also can't imagine letting a 6 year old out to play unsupervised

Your description sounds very similar to my also autistic and adhd 6 year old. Not a chance would he be going.