Am I the problem or is this mansplaining??

[thesockfairydidit]

My partner does this:

Me: So we will never know if it’s a cumulative effect in the body overtime or not!

Him: Well, we won’t know if we eat a bit today if it stays inside our body building up over time or excreted straight away.

Me: I just said exactly that!!

Him: that’s taking part in conversation….storms off accusing me of saying he is mansplaining (again)

his dad does it too….repeats back what I just said but in slow words to make sure I understand but it’s exactly what I’ve said but in a way that suggests he is educating me with new information.

my AIBU is am I getting conversations wrong and they are just reflecting back politely or are they mansplaining? All I know is I get the absolute rage in a way I never get with other people?!

I tend to say I just said that? My Partners dad looks confused when I say that and then repeats himself until I nod politely but my partner gets the rage with me if I pull him up saying I’m the problem and it’s normal conversation. Is it me??

😕

Could you provide more context? I can't really work.out from that what either of you means so I don't know if he was making the same point as you or not

I work with a bloke who does this in meetings. It's infuriating

I can see your point but it's hard to tell if it's mansplaining or if it's just normal conversation where you kind of repeat what the other person said to show you understood it yourself.

The 'well' bit though suggests maybe mansplaining? Need more examples.

I don't see its worth getting into a row over a two-line exchange.

I'd just reply (calmly, non aggressively) with "Yes, we will never know if it’s a cumulative effect in the body overtime or not..." or similar, and move on.

As part of regular conversation, I will repeat/rephrase what someone has said to me. I think it helps me to understand what they've said. This can sometimes sound like I'm taking credit for what they said, so I will then say "that's what you said, right?" but I don't always remember to do this

Maybe rather than saying "I just said that" which seems to be taken as argumentative you could say "yes, that's right, I'm glad you agree with me".

It can be about anything that was one off example talking about pesticides in food. i don’t find it with other people apart from an old boss of mine who would over explain everything even if you try and say yes I know.

I think in this example is that I was making a statement and then he explained the statement back to me without adding anything new I suppose, it’s the way he will simplify what I’ve said but not in a clarifying way but in a way that suggests it’s new information.

im now questioning if I’m just being rude when I feel irritated and should let it go. I can’t help myself say….I just said said that

thank you, yes will try these.

m I just feel fed up when conversations end up with me feeling like they have ignored what I’ve said and then say it like it’s new and their idea. Then I wonder if they are reinforcing what I’m saying but it doesn’t feel like that….you know when you know the difference. My female friends have never made me feel like that…

If you do think it's mansplaining I would just say lovely so you do agree with me, glad you agree with me, nice to have you on board, so glad you see if from my perspective 🤣

Maybe he's simplifying and clarifying for his own understanding? Then your response to it is what turns it into an argument?

Perhaps your female friends don't generally irritate you as much as your DH? I know mine irritates the hell out of me 🤣 so I probably don't cut him as much slack as I would other people.

This would absolutely annoy me too, reminds me of my dad!!
I started saying like ‘yes that’s right you get it now!’ Back to them or be like hmm no and explain even further and ask if they understand it now lol but then maybe I am rude!

If he started his sentence with "I agree" then continued with his statement would it be less irritating? That would acknowledge you.

That would be fine. I think it’s because we are talking about the subject but his response doesn’t register what I have said at all. His dad will the same but will use the word “No” in his reply to me to suggest I’m wrong and then say the same this back to me that I just said!!! Maybe I’m looking out for it too much…I’m going to try the strategies above

Also, WTF were you talking about??!

Pesticide use in food!! Exciting ha?!

YANBU. I would hate this.

Pardon the pun but sounds like a c**p conversation......

If you stand back and watch him converse with others, does he do the same? I think if you get the feeling the your probably right. That said, I don’t think confrontation is the answer.

@thesockfairydidit if he agrees with you, how do you expect the conversation to go?

I'm reading your responses to suggest that if two oeople agree on a subject they can't have a chat/discussion about it - because you are just looking for "you're right" and no more conversation.

People do have discussions when they both agree. They may still value having that discussion even when they are each making the same point in different ways.

People who start all their sentences with “no” by default are the worst. Even when they actually parrot back exactly what you just said. They’ve already decided you’re stupid before you’ve even said your piece.

Yeah I get it, you're not unreasonable. My XP managed to mansplain solar panels (I have experience), my washing machine and my child before 9am last week. It's a major reason we're no longer together.

Trust your feelings. He is being a dick.

Food for thought thank you