It’s not normal to leave a 2 year old home alone for any length of time, is it?

[DancinInSeptember]

Name changed here.

I went out for drinks with a friend for the evening, and we walked back to her house after. I said I’d get an taxi but she insisted her fiancé would drive me home. Fiancé said because their house is out in the sticks it would be difficult to get a taxi, I gave in and said “thanks, if you’re sure.”

I said I felt bad because I didn’t want to disrupt their 2yo’s sleep. But my friend said “don’t worry about it, it’s fine” and I’m sure she said something about the kid being fine once plonked in the car seat. On getting in the car, the fiancé said “oh, you’re coming?” in surprise to her, she said yes and we all got in the car. All except the kid that is.

At that point I said “what about Amy?” (Not real name) and my friend said “oh she’ll be fine she sleeps through anything, even if the dog barks” and I realised the kid wasn’t in the car and I was shook. We’d had drinks but weren’t drunk and I was in disbelief that this scenario was playing out. I just kind of froze and didn’t say much during the 10 minute journey.

I feel awful that I didn’t kick up a fuss and guilty I let this happen. But I feel the fact they’re both feel it’s OK to leave their kid home alone, is completely negligent and dangerous. What the fuck do I say? I want to bring it up but no idea where the hell I start? We’re really good friends but now I’m questioning everything. AIBU??

It’s horrifying if that is what they are comfortable showing you. What do they do that they hide behind closed doors.

I do know it’s not right if you read my post. Trying to understand their reasoning and asking mumsnet on how to tackle the conversation with my friend that will probably end our friendship

If you know it's not right, why did you literally ask "It’s not normal to leave a 2 year old home alone for any length of time, is it?"

Of course it's not and I would've thought between the 3 of you adults, at least one of you might know this.

Oh my god I was reading the post wrong. I thought friends fiancé picked up op and friend after being out

So you were actually leaving from her house

That's so much worse. Awful and you have to report that
Personally, when I realised they were both coming I would have got out the car and insisted on the taxi like originally planned.
Awful

You say you will make this right, how?

And this is why I froze because this was what I was thinking. It scared me.

Gather all the facts, how often it happens to assess the safeguarding risk and report to SS.

I have a 2 year old, even if I was shit faced and my husband collected me I'd notice the absence of our 2 year old if he came to pick me up. Even if her friend was shit faced, her husband driving the car certainly wasn't!! Just completely negelent parents, the fact they think this is normal suggests you need to have a serious word with them, if not just report to ss. It's even worse they've left a toddler alone at home with a dog, anything could happen if that animal got into the room where the toddler is, completely unacceptable on every front.

I thought you meant he came to pick you up in town and you got dropped off at home on the way, I mean not that that's OK either!!! But your friend came along for the ride to drop you home when their toddler was in the house, what the hell?? Why didn't you get out the car and say actually I'll try get a taxi if you are leaving "Amy" alone. How utterly bizarre. Someone needs to have words with them.

Thanks for the advice on how to tackle this conversation and the escalation that’s needed.

I obviously know it’s completely batshit, I know I should have stopped the car and not cared about making a scene. It was so bizarre I needed to sanity check and try and understand if my reaction to report and cut contact was justified. That’s why I posted, not because I ‘needed to check it was wrong,’ come on.

I feel bad enough already beating myself up for letting it happen, know what I need to do and won’t be reading any more comments.

I think the wife didn't trust her husband with you.

Did she though? Or did she say she was away to look for it and not bother?

I say thus because I was once with someone I had just started dating and a friend who neeto be home fie her babysitter. He hit a fox close to friend's house. We could not see it, so he left her home full if assurances that he would go back and find the fox. Then drove back to his house. He said he was not going hunting for vermin in the dark. I was really worried that the fox was hurt and lying somewhere. We had our first and last row!

That's appalling parenting. Poor baby!

Your friends are irresponsible.

I always took the baby monitor with me if I even took rubbish out (live in a flat, communal bin store), it probably took 90 seconds.

I can't believe "normal" people would think this ok!
I hope the conversation goes OK OP. Not that I'm bothered about upsetting the parents, they should be upset!

!00% - I used to have the baby monitor by my side if they were asleep upstairs and I was downstairs!

What is wrong with these people?!

Gather all the facts, how often it happens to assess the safeguarding risks and report to SS.

@DancinInSeptember, I can understand how you froze in the moment.

They may not be honest with you about the frequency, but their cavalier attitude about leaving Amy indicates they’ve most probably done this before. Likewise, any statements to you that they will change this practice may just be lip service, as they know you won’t be able to subsequently check on it.

No matter what the parents say, I would definitely report this to SS, as they may be more likely to take an official inquiry seriously. Their negligence could result in tragedy.

I was wondering this too? Absolutely report it!

I would have a word with them about how irresponsible it is and dangerous.
But SS are very unlikely to do anything at all about this. It's not illegal and there's no concrete proof the child was in danger (altho there's potential danger) or that the child was harmed in any way.
If you have more evidence they do this regularly or any other evidence of neglect that might help get SS to do something about it

Far too young to be left.
Yes, 9 times out of 10, things would be fine, but what if they are not?
You have to think of worse case scenario;
If the child woke up; if the house caught fire; If burglars broke in;
There are all kinds of things that can (and sometimes do) go wrong.

And so did the UK authorities, when they failed to charge them with neglect.

That's the problem, any fanny can have a baby these days. Half wits. Definitely report that's definitely not normal.

Did your friend worry you might jump her DP or something if she didn't come along for the ride?

I would be worried about what else they do.

Please report op.

No not at all. Not even to go to the corner shop. Anything can happen they are quite helpless at that age. I would struggle to leave a 6 year old alone for 10 minutes let alone a baby/toddler!

When the Madeline McCann story broke, I didn’t have any kids and I remember asking colleagues at work (during a chat about the story), if it was normal for parents to leave their kids like that. They were like NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. And said if it happened to a ‘poor’ family they would have been arrested for neglect etc. They were all appalled.

That's the problem, any fanny can have a baby these days.
Oh, did there used to be a test to have a baby back in the older days? Or was that just a stereotypical, idiotic swipe at a generation younger than you?

Any “fanny” has always been able to have a baby, plenty of examples of utterly shite and dangerous parenting from every generation, it’s not “these days” that’s the problem. Eejets are eejets.