It’s not normal to leave a 2 year old home alone for any length of time, is it?

[DancinInSeptember]

Name changed here.

I went out for drinks with a friend for the evening, and we walked back to her house after. I said I’d get an taxi but she insisted her fiancé would drive me home. Fiancé said because their house is out in the sticks it would be difficult to get a taxi, I gave in and said “thanks, if you’re sure.”

I said I felt bad because I didn’t want to disrupt their 2yo’s sleep. But my friend said “don’t worry about it, it’s fine” and I’m sure she said something about the kid being fine once plonked in the car seat. On getting in the car, the fiancé said “oh, you’re coming?” in surprise to her, she said yes and we all got in the car. All except the kid that is.

At that point I said “what about Amy?” (Not real name) and my friend said “oh she’ll be fine she sleeps through anything, even if the dog barks” and I realised the kid wasn’t in the car and I was shook. We’d had drinks but weren’t drunk and I was in disbelief that this scenario was playing out. I just kind of froze and didn’t say much during the 10 minute journey.

I feel awful that I didn’t kick up a fuss and guilty I let this happen. But I feel the fact they’re both feel it’s OK to leave their kid home alone, is completely negligent and dangerous. What the fuck do I say? I want to bring it up but no idea where the hell I start? We’re really good friends but now I’m questioning everything. AIBU??

Definitely report

Thanks all. Going to have a serious talk and as I said, I feel awful and guilty for letting it happen.

My friend isn’t from the UK so this did cross my mind. Still crazy to me.

Not all 2 year olds are still in cots. My granddaughter has been in a toddler bed since way before 2.

I agree with you and it’s eating away at me. I will make it right

Is this really a "different cultures" thing that some people in the world are doing routinely? I wouldn't even have nipped to the postbox that's literally at the end of my driveway leaving my two year old in the house, even if they were asleep and in a cot, let alone have left them for 30minsish and done a car journey. Anything could happen. Where in the world is this apparently a normal thing people accept?

Nope, in a bed not a cot

I would not have got in that car.

I can see the shop from my house. Its so close I could be there, shop and be back in 2 minutes. I wouldn't leave my kids to go there. In 2 minutes anything can happen. Absolutely anything. It's very negligent of them. Imagine if that baby woke up imagine how scared they would be.

Dear god in heaven this is so not in any way right. Anything could have happened. You need to say something. 5 minutes of embarrasment with a good friend is nothing when compared to the safety of a child.

I wouldn't have done it but mine were bad sleepers & cot climbers. Two is too young.
But we've done early morning airport drop off runs and left DC age 11 asleep knowing full well they'll not wake until 7am. Yes the house might catch fire but highly unlikely, Yes we could have a crash & both die but I can't life my life like that. They also have a phone.

OP don't beat yourself up. We've all done things then immediately thought 'what am I doing'. To me your friend doesn't trust her husband.
Normal would be for her to stay home & he give you a lift

I know. I was worried about it kicking off because, I wasn’t drunk but wondering if she was and worried about them getting defensive and dumping me on the side of the road late at night.

I know regardless I should have done the right thing and never got in the car, it happened so quickly but I will make it right.

Very worrying!

Madeline McCann's parents thought it was ok. So did the friends they ate out with. So... SOME people think it's ok.
Every parent I know personally would think it completely irresponsible though.

Not normal no. You could report it but as someone else mentioned, very awkward for your friendship. However a phone call from a SW could be the wakeup call your friend needs to be honest. I would definitely confront them about it though and find out whether this is a regular thing.

Which country is this normal? I’m from a ‘foreign’ culture, you don’t leave a live animal alone with your child nevermind leave the house for a car journey. Where is she from?

I know that. My children weren’t in cots at 2 either. But I assumed this 2 year old would be. If she was in a bed it’s even worse.

OP,

You’re taking me back to high school. I used to babysit for a young, glam couple in my home country. Adorable toddler DD.

But both husband and wife would routinely drive me home, leaving DD asleep in her cot. The round trip was no more than 10 min. I hated it but felt I couldn’t protest if I wanted to keep working for them, which I did. I’ve always been ashamed.

They soon divorced. The wife kept the house and always put her DD in the car to fetch me and bring me home.

OP I'd say mention it to your friend and ask why she didn't just stay home. They obviously think leaving a child who is fast asleep and won't wake for 20min is ok.
It's not the norm for sure.
I wouldn't have done it.
But I do see why people might

We’ve all been in a situation where we can’t quite believe what is happening and we don’t know what to say so end up saying nothing. don’t beat yourself up.

It's not even just that something major like a fire or car accident might have happened, if the child had woken and been scared with no one to offer comfort that is emotional abuse and seriously damaging.
What on earth else are they getting up to.

First thing I thought too.
But poor poor child when the husband’s potential antics take priority over her safety!

Did they have a baby sitter while you were out? Could the baby sitter have still been there? I just can’t believe anyone would leave their toddler alone! 😮