It’s not normal to leave a 2 year old home alone for any length of time, is it?

[DancinInSeptember]

Name changed here.

I went out for drinks with a friend for the evening, and we walked back to her house after. I said I’d get an taxi but she insisted her fiancé would drive me home. Fiancé said because their house is out in the sticks it would be difficult to get a taxi, I gave in and said “thanks, if you’re sure.”

I said I felt bad because I didn’t want to disrupt their 2yo’s sleep. But my friend said “don’t worry about it, it’s fine” and I’m sure she said something about the kid being fine once plonked in the car seat. On getting in the car, the fiancé said “oh, you’re coming?” in surprise to her, she said yes and we all got in the car. All except the kid that is.

At that point I said “what about Amy?” (Not real name) and my friend said “oh she’ll be fine she sleeps through anything, even if the dog barks” and I realised the kid wasn’t in the car and I was shook. We’d had drinks but weren’t drunk and I was in disbelief that this scenario was playing out. I just kind of froze and didn’t say much during the 10 minute journey.

I feel awful that I didn’t kick up a fuss and guilty I let this happen. But I feel the fact they’re both feel it’s OK to leave their kid home alone, is completely negligent and dangerous. What the fuck do I say? I want to bring it up but no idea where the hell I start? We’re really good friends but now I’m questioning everything. AIBU??

Of course it’s not ok.

https://metro.co.uk/2021/12/17/london-mum-was-shopping-at-sainsburys-as-sutton-fire-killed-twins-15790202/amp/

As the fiancé was surprised your friend was coming, maybe your friend didn't trust him with you.

At least they didn't go out to dinner leaving the kid. Of course it's not normal, though.

This is exactly what I thought. Would rather leave her 2 year old at home than allow you and her fiancé to spend a car ride alone. Absolutely disgraceful. Definitely not the first time and won't be the last. I wouldn't even bother talking to her. I would report to social services. Trust me, you don't want 'friends' like these!

Absolutely not!!!!

That’s what I was wondering. I have never heard of a mum doing this.

Don't report as now after the fact but you do need to discuss it with your friend as it is very dangerous (and you obviously realise that). It will probably end your friendship but has to be done.

This is the sort of thing I deal with at work. They definitely need to receive contact from a SW.
Your relationship is likely to be over, but children always come first.

As a teenager I used to babysit for a family with a toddler and a baby. The couple both went out but she came home earlier whilst he stayed out and she always drove me home leaving the kids in the house. Even at 17/18 I felt really uncomfortable about it but not confident enough to say anything about it. One night she hit a cat on the road and went back to look for it after dropping me off. She must have been out for quite a while. It’s not ok.

YANBU I am wondering if she came along as she didn't trust her DH alone with you?
I would have to rethink being friends and in your shoes would have refused the lift. Are you certain there was no one else at the house with the 2 year old?
Have they heard of the McCanns?

Don't report as now after the fact

So, OP should have reported it before it happened???

The friendship might be over anyway as friend doesn’t seem to trust op with her fiancé. He wasn’t expecting her to travel with him and op but she did - and left her baby alone to do so.

No, this is not normal nor acceptable under any circumstances. Anything could happen whilst they were out. Are you sure they didn’t have another family member staying over? This just seems completely incomprehensible that one never mind two parents could be so irresponsible. If you’re sure the little one was left then you must safeguard the child, like another poster says it’s clearly not the first time and it won’t be the last.

A few years ago I reported a neighbour for leaving their 3 year old alone in the house. Police and social services told me that there was not any laws preventing this. Not sure if my report alerted them to something else but a few months later child was taken into SS care.

Of course you aren’t as guilty as the parents. There was nothing you could do about it by the time you knew what was happening was there? By the time you knew it had already happened. You are only responsible for what you do now. Of course you have to report it. Then it’s up to the authorities.

A lot worse happened back in the 80's. My parents left my brother asleep too go have me in the hospital down the road. I came out really quick so Dad was home within 2 hours.

This situation you described was stupid the Mum should have stayed at home. Why did she go? Something not necessary. So when else does she do this 😱

It all happened so quickly? It did not. You were quite happy to get a lift. How difficult would it have been to get out the car and say no way, I’m calling a taxi? Your fake I was shocked into silence tells me this is the only place you are going to mention this. You had your chance to shame them.

Why were you worried about disturbing the 2 year olds sleep by getting a ride home from her fiancee?

Also, why did she come with you for the round trip?

This doesn't really make sense but is clearly awful

I think you know the answer to this - hence your shock. Obviously it isn’t normal, responsible or safe. I’d nip out to the car (on the driveway) when DD was little & asleep, or to the end of the garden (which to be fair is quite big) but I would never be more than 2 minutes from the house. Your friends may ‘get away’ with this, or they may face absolute devastation (and criminal proceedings) if they continue to do this & something goes wrong.

I would report them without hesitation.

Talk to the friend first, maybe a grandparent or relative was over. Just check first before reporting.

Because she’d mentioned about putting the kid in the car seat so I thought they were all coming

That is fucking unbelievable what totally irresponsible people they are ffs
Bet he was surprised to see you cos it adds extra time to their journey back and he (hopefully) would have been trying to rush home to the alone child

I would be so angry are they usually irresponsible in other ways? They are acting like it's a usual thing so won't be the only bad thing they do

The whole thing is quite worrying for a number of reasons.

1.) The parents did this.

2.) You played a part in it.

3.) You're not actually sure if it's ok to leave a 2 year old home alone at night, so you have to check with Mumsnet.

Jesus, you all need a word with yourselves.

When I was about 20/21 years old I used to babysit for a colleague of my dads.

She and her husband had an 18 month old son and most Fridays I would babysit from 6pm - midnight.

One night the wife came home on her own and said her husband had decided to stay out a bit longer.

Normally the parents would just call me a taxi when they got back but this time the wife offered to drive me home (she hadn’t been drinking). I was obviously really confused and said, “But what about (baby’s name)?” and she just brushed me off and said he never wakes up at night so it would be fine to leave him.

The journey to my house and back again would have taken her about 30 minutes.

I honestly couldn’t believe she said it and I obviously declined and booked myself a taxi.

It baffles me that some people think this kind of thing is acceptable.

Absolutely needs reporting to social care. The thought of leaving a 2 year old at home alone fills me with such panic - it is totally inappropriate and downright neglectful.

And you didn't think that was odd? Why on earth would they all come to drop you home 10 minutes away!