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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it wasn’t wrong of me to use a parent & child parking space?

292 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 02/09/2023 01:09

At a supermarket today- I didn’t have my DC with me, however I am 6 1/2 months pregnant with DC3 and suffering with what I have come to refer to as “arse daggers” - very painful shooting pains in my glutes that leave me hobbling in a most inelegant manner by the end of the day.
The parking spaces in the car park are very narrow, to the point where I struggle to fit myself and my bump out of the door and it was all getting a bit ridiculous, so today I decided to park in one of the P&C spaces (of which there are many, and I didn’t take the last empty one) so that I wouldn’t have to squeeze out of the door and would have less distance to painfully shuffle into the shop.
Afterwards I was putting my shopping in my car when I was accosted by some absolute cowbag who berated me for taking a P&C space even though I didn’t have a child with me. I pointed out the obvious, bump, mobility problems, plenty of spaces to go round, and she said I still had no right to park there and potentially deprive someone with a child of a space. At this point I decided not to bother engaging and just got in my car and left.

Was I BU?

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 02/09/2023 07:00

They are in any cases only a request and put there as a sop to planners. There would be less use by people without their child present at the time if SUVs were restricted or just fewer of them. Normal car park spaces were probably specified when most people had normal size cars.

RedRobyn2021 · 02/09/2023 07:01

Not read through all the comments so someone might have said already but I'm pretty sure those spaces are for pregnant women as well as those with babies and children.

Don't give that horrible person headspace OP.

Twiglets1 · 02/09/2023 07:02

ohbygolly · 02/09/2023 06:50

Sometimes I wonder if my view of the UK is disproportionately skewed by what I read on Mumsnet.

As someone not from the UK and one who doesn't live there, I find it mind boggling when people suggest they can't take their kids out of school to attend the wedding of a close family member because the school won't allow it, or they are worried about asking permission, or they'll have to pay a fine. It's such an alien concept to me.

But then I read this thread, any my mind is blown. What the fuck is wrong with some people? Parent and child spaces are a courtesy, not a legal right. Like others have indicated, there is no governance of them, no badge requirement, etc.

The OP had a need that not everyone has. A space was available that met the OPs need, at no cost to anyone else. Yet, so many here, and the batshit busybody in the car park, pile on because it says the space must lay in waiting ready to accept an as yet unseen and unknown parent with a child in tow.

As he got older, my Dad, whilst not eligible for a blue badge, found getting in and out if the car a lot easier with the extra space a P&C space provided. He benefitted from being closer to the door and not having to negotiate a trolley through a car park. Not once in about 5 years of doing that here was he ever challenged. Some people would even offer to help him when they saw he'd parked there. Do you know why? Because not everyone's an asshole.

Stop being assholes to people who need a bit of extra support every now and then. A sign doesn't make it okay to not use common sense. And a sign certainly doesn't make it okay to abandon empathy.

Mumsnet is not representative of normal life in the UK in my opinion. People laugh about it as it is so full of nutters and angry people.

I don't know what it says about me that I have grown to love the site (it alarmed me the first few times I posted and got insulted within 5 minutes). But it's kind of refreshing to hear what people REALLY think because normally in the UK people are polite, at least to your face.

Diggersandunicorns · 02/09/2023 07:04

I’m on holiday in France and here it’s spaces for pregnant women and/or people with kids. Makes sense to me.

RudsyFarmer · 02/09/2023 07:05

No one is policing those spaces bar arseholes. Someone berating a pregnant woman is a sick fuck anyway. Don’t let it get to you ♥️.

Papillon23 · 02/09/2023 07:10

Sounds entirely reasonable to me OP, and as you can see from the votes, I am not in the minority in thinking that.

liveforsummer · 02/09/2023 07:11

Should have just told her your toddler is still inside the shop with their dad or something to shut her up. No problem to use it imo but people get pretty possessive about these things so you'll get told YABU

veggie50 · 02/09/2023 07:11

I have a disabled child and absolutely hate people using the disable spaces unless they have a blue badge. That said, if I see a pregnant woman or someone clearly injured using it, I'd be ok with that. Rules should be flexible enough to help those genuinely in need. Don't worry about what some people say, you know you are not abusing it and if any authority is called I'm sure they would be sympathetic.

NalafromtheLionKing · 02/09/2023 07:12

I think it’s fine and I’m sure I used them when heavily pregnant. Technically I would still be entitled to use those spaces in some supermarkets for my (large, well built and able bodied) 11 year old but I reckon you need them a lot more than I do!

Copperoliverbear · 02/09/2023 07:15

I thought you were allowed to use them if you were pregnant too, I'd have told her to mind her own bloody business. X

Duckskitbank · 02/09/2023 07:16

Some people are wankers.
Carry on parking there OP and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Heyhoherewegoagain · 02/09/2023 07:17

Can’t believe the number of snarky responses on here-those posters should be ashamed of themselves!

Op you can’t get any more ‘with child’ than being pregnant! Ignore the assholes, both on here and in car parks, you do what you need to do to get through this💐

MariaVT65 · 02/09/2023 07:18

YANBU OP

I understand how huge you can be at 6 months, especially after your first child. I’m the same!

I’ve heard quite a few stories of pregnant women parking in standard spaces, then being unable to get back into the car because another person has since parked to close.

I also saw a bay for pregnant women in a Leeds car park this year, so it’s certainly recognised we may need more space/closer parking.

That woman was a twat for having a go at you. I’ve also seen quite a few elderly people park in those spaces too.

SlippySarah · 02/09/2023 07:18

I don't understand people who have so little to think about that they would give a shit about someone parking in a p&c space. It's such a first world problem.

Copperoliverbear · 02/09/2023 07:18

Looked this up on the internet

To think it wasn’t wrong of me to use a parent & child parking space?
MariaVT65 · 02/09/2023 07:19

Frances0911 · 02/09/2023 02:34

Why do supermarkets even need parent and child spaces. In the 70's from the age of 7, I was carrying two shopping bags home with my mum. No car, we either walked the three miles, with a shopping bag in each hand, or stood in the road waiting for the bus.

Cool story bro. Could you carry bags of shopping when you were 6 months?

HAF1119 · 02/09/2023 07:20

I have a young child who can be difficult to manage - I'd have been annoyed but not commented if there had been limited spaces, I honestly wouldn't if I saw someone heavily pregnant using a space when there were masses of them. I think common sense should prevail a little bit. I had masses of pain late pregnancy myself, I wouldn't have used one as I think I wouldn't have had the gumption, but I don't see the harm myself, no one was deprived of using it and you're in discomfort and genuinely benefitted from using it.

In a black and white world - no you aren't who the spaces are designed for, but if there is an excess and you are struggling I'd have empathy and think it is fine

UndercoverCop · 02/09/2023 07:22

You did have a child with you, in utero. To be honest with PGP, SPD and a huge baby it was harder to get out of the car at 7/8 months pregnant than with a baby.

In Portugal they had signs like this, which were very clear!

To think it wasn’t wrong of me to use a parent & child parking space?
foolishone · 02/09/2023 07:23

I think it's absolutely fine to use when pregnant and people that would judge you or have a go at you are ridiculous.

I've had an illness/surgery twice that temporarily impaired my mobility so I couldn't walk without severe pain and also needed a wider space to get out of. I was out collecting medication and shopping not on a jolly.

I would never use a disabled space without a blue badge but did use parent and child and was told that was ok by a supermarket. P&C aren't legally enforceable so just ignore the twats and carry on.

gogomoto · 02/09/2023 07:23

I wouldn't have challenged you but as far as I understand they are specifically for parents to be able to get car seats in and out/lean in the buckle up children which is hard in tight spaces.

We use them for dsd as she has learning difficulties and cannot buckle herself and needs help getting in and out, the council have failed since 2020 to issue a blue badge due to incompetency!

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 02/09/2023 07:25

You'd have to be a special kind of prick to question someone obviously pregnant and uncomfortable making use of the extra space I agree with @avemariiiaa on this one - good point well made. Lots of replies undermining pain in pregnancy, well if they sailed through a painless pregnancy, good for them. I wouldn't have begrudged you the space.

Hibiscrubbed · 02/09/2023 07:27

I’d have likely laughed at her and told her to fuck off. I’m nine months pregnant and am lucky to have no issues or pain but if I did, at any point along the pregnancy, I’d have helped myself to an unenforceable P&C space.

For some reason our supermarkets put them right next to the shop door. Some are closer than the disabled spaces.

But honestly, ignore her. Some people take it upon themselves to police others, and I find that a habit like that is usually a clue that they’re either not quite right or best avoided.

MagnesiumRay · 02/09/2023 07:28

I think you’re absolutely fine to use it, I had PGP when pregnant and ended up on crutches, it was no joke and I was much less mobile than I am now with small child. Mumsnet is full of people who hate pregnant women, to the extent that I wonder if they surely can’t have been pregnant themselves but MRAs trying to troll us all!

NewName122 · 02/09/2023 07:28

I think if all pregnant people used them there would be none left for people with young children. Yabu.

CherryMaDeara · 02/09/2023 07:39

You had me at arse daggers x