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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - experience in a tesco store

143 replies

unknown7 · 02/09/2023 00:00

Don't know if I'm overreacting or not, probably am but it happened last night and I have history of some abuse. I was in a tesco stored at around 8pm, I wanted to ask about an item so approached two customer service people at the checkout area, one was male and one female. I approached them both but due to how they were standing I was closer to the male so showed him my phone. He gave me this aggressive blank stare and shrugged but kept staring right at me, he made me feel really uncomfortable and just didn't say anything. A really cold stare. The female noticed I was a little uncomfortable so quickly came across to help me but would you complain to tesco about this? Am I being ridiculous. He just made me feel so uneasy.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 02/09/2023 00:02

Are you sure he was actually a member of staff?

VanGoghsDog · 02/09/2023 00:03

What do you mean you showed him your phone? Did you actually say anything? What was on the phone?

Throwncrumbs · 02/09/2023 00:03

So did you speak to him ? ‘Excuse me can you help please’ or did you just shove your phone in his face? Manners work both ways tbh!

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/09/2023 00:03

Yes I would complain. That was intimidation. Too often shit like that goes under the radar but it’s not ok.

Original poster
unknown7 · 02/09/2023 00:16

I said 'hi, can I ask about this product please and then showed the phone' and yes he was in full tesco uniform. I saw them both chatting as I approached.

OP posts:
Original poster
unknown7 · 02/09/2023 00:17

I'm also south asian so not sure if that matters but live in a predominantly white part of the city.

OP posts:
NicLondon1 · 02/09/2023 00:34

Could he have a learning difficulty or a mental health issue..?
or could he have found you attractive?
Just staring at you isn’t really something you can complain about… it doesn’t quite sense and seems odd

Original poster
unknown7 · 02/09/2023 00:45

it was quite an aggressive look.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 02/09/2023 00:46

Aggressive staring from men is all too familiar, particularly for young women.

HeddaGarbled · 02/09/2023 00:56

I you sure he wasn’t just baffled? That’s quite an odd enquiry.

Ketzele · 02/09/2023 01:04

Don't know why people are trying to explain this away, OP knows what happened and it is entirely plausible, sadly. OP, he did this knowing he would get away with it, as its so hard to prove. Allow yourself your anger, don't feel humiliated. There were three of you there, and all three of you know he was being a racist dick.

Rummikub · 02/09/2023 01:11

Yes report it. You felt intimated
He stared and wasn’t helpful. The woman intervened.

What’s their complaint process?

Ampharos · 02/09/2023 01:45

To be honest it sounds like he was confused. From what you’ve said it sounds like a very odd enquiry. “Can I ask about this product please”

Ask what? Do you sell it? Is it in stock? Is it any good? Does it work with y product? Is there a cheaper version? Is it on offer?

If someone came up to me and said what you said I’d probably stand there in silence too, waiting for you to fill in the blanks. He isn’t a mind reader.

There has to be more to this than you’re saying. Fair enough if you explained what you were wanting to know and he shrugged his shoulders at you after that, then yeah, he’s being a prick and you could complain. But if you literally just said that and nothing else, I don’t think he’s done anything wrong really.

Rummikub · 02/09/2023 01:46

But that’s just an opener.
I would expect a customer assistant to say ok what would you like to know.

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 02/09/2023 01:57

If that is all you said then he was probably waiting for you to clarify. No, don't complain. Just because you "felt" he had an aggressive stare doesn't mean he had one. Lots of people have resting bitch faces.

SiobhanSharpe · 02/09/2023 02:00

He sounds rude. This is not at all how a customer services assistant should react or behave.
it's definitely worth complaining about.

SpringViolet · 02/09/2023 02:19

Maybe he was new on first shift and unsure how to respond, maybe he is in a supported employment placement (ASD and learning disabled DS is being assessed for one and makes sense for colleague to take over), maybe he was at the end of his shift and had put up with a lot of rude and/or idiotic customers, had a headache etc and was thinking wtf is she putting her phone in my face!

I would probably have started the conversation along the lines of, ‘I’ve got a question about a product, I’ve got a picture on my phone, can I show you so I can ask you about it?

Bit odd to do that anyway, surely you knew the name of it, why the need to show your phone?

Of course, it must be racism and he’s a woman hater though so go ahead and complain that you didn’t like the way a person on minimum wage, dealing with hundreds of customers a day (and I certainly wouldn’t want to work with the clientele of our local Tesco), looked at you!

PinkButtercups · 02/09/2023 02:26

HeddaGarbled · 02/09/2023 00:56

I you sure he wasn’t just baffled? That’s quite an odd enquiry.

Asking about a product? Get real fgs.

givemeasunnyday · 02/09/2023 02:27

He was probably waiting for you to ask an actual question rather than asking if you can ask a question. Don't give it another thought, and try not to be so sensitive.

givemeasunnyday · 02/09/2023 02:29

PinkButtercups · 02/09/2023 02:26

Asking about a product? Get real fgs.

Show quote history

She didn't ask about a product, according to her post she just asked if she could ask a question about a product and showed him her phone. He was probably waiting for the actual question.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 02/09/2023 02:33

NicLondon1 · 02/09/2023 00:34

Could he have a learning difficulty or a mental health issue..?
or could he have found you attractive?
Just staring at you isn’t really something you can complain about… it doesn’t quite sense and seems odd

Yeah OP, you should be flattered 🙄

Back to reality,I would complain about this, he sounds like he could do with some training.

MintJulia · 02/09/2023 02:35

It would be hard to complain about a stare, which is very easy to misinterpret. And the second employee helped you, so you got the service you required.

Maybe the first was new or still training, or didn't know the answer, or was short sighted. He didn't refuse to help and wasn't specifically rude.

No, I'd leave it.

theGooHasGone · 02/09/2023 02:40

Really? You stuck your phone in an employee's face, said can "Can I ask you a question about this product please" but didn't actually ask a question, and now you're asking whether you should complain to the store because he looked completely baffled?

Deftandglory · 02/09/2023 02:40

Tesco are excellent for diverse employment. At my store we have numerous colleagues with physical and mental conditions. We have several with autism who whilst are very good generally ( or when asked or told something directly), lack soft social skills and could appear rude I suppose.
We are also in a very white area and Tesco noticeably employees more people from ethnic minorities then anywhere else in town including 3 other supermarkets.

ilovepixie · 02/09/2023 02:44

HeddaGarbled · 02/09/2023 00:56

I you sure he wasn’t just baffled? That’s quite an odd enquiry.

Why is it odd? She wanted information and showed the man a picture of the item!