Guilty pleasure or secret drinker ? AIBU!?

[Onedownonetogooo]

You don’t work as it is not currently your situation. You don’t drive .You are a wife and a mother of 2.

Twice a week you have two double gins in your lemonade . You tell no one. The gin is bought out and drank out think in a coffee cup. This is as you don’t want anyone to know .

You don’t keep any alcohol at home .

You’re generally do this on a Wednesday and a Friday.

Is this a problem ? It’s a secret as you’re not telling anyone but Is it a problem ?

Or is it just a secret pleasure?

The volume and frequency isn't a problem. The secrecy and clandestine behaviour is very odd.

Why is it necessary to be so cloak and dagger about it? That volume of alcohol in an average week isn't something to hide so why do you feel you need to hide it?

It’s a little troubling. And that you wrote this in second person is also a bit odd - as though distancing yourself from it.

just be wary. Hidden secret pleasure that has to do with alcohol is a red flag of alcoholism for sure.

Hmm I can't say of this is a bad /unwise/ dangerous habit particularly, but I bloody love my secret scoffing an entire tub of ice cream to myself when dh goes away for the weekend pleasures

What a miserable existence

Edited !

Hi All, thanks for the reply .

I think the fact I’m asking the question makes me know ‘it’s’ abit of an odd thing to do .

DH has slowly over the years become t total. I know there was a time he drank alot . I guess over years alcohol left the house and then as DH was never drinking , I felt judged to drink . He always says to me - have a drink if you fancy one when we are out.

In laws are strictly no drinking so there is never alcohol at family gatherings .

I know DH would raise eyebrows if I came home with a bottle of gin but I could clearly tell him - on his bike !!!!!!

I guess I enjoy knowing it’s just for me and no one knows and it my thing ! There is no judgment or justification.

Also , I like not having alcohol in the house as I could never think ‘oh tonight I’ll have more’ . I don’t have A problem with alcohol but used to enjoy several Drinks in 20s! im
mid 40s now and I suppose this is my little pleasure.

I just wondered if it’s normal to ever just be able to have a secret pleasure . But the issue is that I’m omitting to tell DH and I guess that’s hiding.

DH isn’t controlling at all but has become very into his sober lifestyle and truthfully I feel judged by drinking .

I don't know why you wouldn't enjoy the experience of sitting in a pub or bar for these drinks rather than sneakily supping it from a coffee cup (which does smack of dysfunction). Take a book, sit back for a bit and enjoy it.

@Onedownonetogooo

Sorry, hadn't seen your update. So it sounds like the main reason for the secrecy is not to upset or trigger your DH?

You imply, but don't really state explicitly, that he has or had a problem with drink in the past which is why he's stopped; is that correct?

I can understand you not wanting to drink in his presence, in those circumstances. But I think you'd be better off being honest with him and saying you like to drink occasionally but will do so when he's not there and will not keep alcohol in the home.

Unless you're worried about your own relationship with alcohol? In which case you may want to think about stopping altogether. On the face of it the amount you drink isn't problematic at all. I think you need to address the reason why you're not prepared to be honest with him about why you drink before you move forwards.

You might have a friend here OP

Canned G&T at 10am | Mumsnet

That poster was also told she was unreasonable.

Those who agree, please explain why it's unacceptable to drink a very small amount of alcohol in the morning if that's when you're free to do so, but it would be fine to have the same drink after some arbitary time in the afternoon/evening?

Elaborate for me . Seriously . I’ve posted to get an insight and I think I need to hear more of your opinion.

You only love once and I suppose i know I shouldn’t be hiding this . Am I pathetic ?

Mm. If I were your partner and I discovered you were doing this I'd assume it was a bigger issue than it is. And tbh im very surprised he hasn't noticed already. Gin really smells on breath and from pores. You say he's not controlling or judgemental, so the need for secrecy is in your head. Why risk causing suspicion and trust issues pointlessly?

Why? Which bit of OPs life do you deem miserable?

What a rude comment about someone else.

OP, I was going to say the secrecy could become an issue, but now you've explained why I sort of get it.

Doesn't seem like a problem to me at all.

You have hit the nail.
DH was close to a problem with alcohol. So
we don’t have it at home and I guess I’ve now taken to hiding my drinking . Ironic .

If it is only 2 double Gins, where are you keeping the rest? I don’t think shops sell 4 measure bottles.

Honestly I'd see it as a red flag. I'll start by saying I'm biased and most likely projecting because mil is an alcoholic, dh said she drank regularly throughout childhood and he always knew because he behaviours and mannerisms changed, always after a few "lemonades" from a coffee cup.

She had a very traumatic childhood and it's heartbreaking to see her decline, she once told me she used a coffee cup to hide what she drank because she knew she was using alcohol to cope with feelings she found hard to have, mental health problems were very stigmatised and she drank to mask her internal struggles and feel like she can cope with the kids and a twatty husband and it went from a few times a week to every night to earlier and earlier in the day and she's non functioning now and in terrible health and a lot of mils siblings and dhs siblings are heavy drinkers.

It's not the amount you're drinking that's a red flag for me, it's that you're taking active steps to hide it and if I knew you I'd be concerned that you're hiding it. You say you don't keep alcohol in the house, where are you buying and drinking from a mug then? I'm just asking because mail used to sometimes buy from a pub and pout into a different container to drink on her way home.

why do you feel judged?

I stopped drinking 2 years ago and I have to admit I did have to keep myself in check from getting judgy about my OH’s drinking. Despite it being nowhere near what I drank.

if he’s an alcoholic I can get why you don’t want it in the house but is it really enjoyable swigging it in secret out of a coffee cup ?

For me I accept I was projecting. Drinking in the morning is a red flag for alcohol use disorder.

@Onedownonetogooo

DH was close to a problem with alcohol. So
we don’t have it at home and I guess I’ve now taken to hiding my drinking . Ironic .

OK: so you need to work out whether you're hiding it because you don't want to upset him or because you're worried about your own drinking.

If its the former I think you need to be honest with him and say you would like to be able to drink (occasionally and responsibly) but will not do it around him or in your shared home. If it's the latter, that's another ballgame.

If he didn't have a problem would you naturally want to drink?

I’d argue having to hide perfectly reasonable and normal behaviour for fear of being judged by your spouse is pretty miserable.

OP it seems to be secrecy that’s troubling (and not exciting) you. Would your husband be less judgmental if you fronted it out, had a G&T twice per week and kept functioning totally normally? Or do you think there is a risk if you drink openly then he might relapse into bad drinking habits? If the latter, could you go to a nice pub or bar for your treat? You shouldn’t have to hide and feel ashamed of something so run of the mill as a couple of drinks, but I can see why your DH’s health might be a concern.

One thing to be aware of, gin smells. Vodka doesn't 😉

@Onedownonetogooo I’m really confused here.

You like not having alcohol in the house, but are regularly drinking gin out of a mug at home.

Where do you keep the gin? At a neighbours house? I’m baffled.

She isn't drinking it at home.

Op, are you buying the premixed cans?

Having Iived with a problem drinker who believed this, I'll say here what I said to him. Yes. It does.

Vodka smells I don't know why people thinks it doesn't.

How are you doing it? Are you buying and hiding miniatures? Or do you have large bottle of gin hidden somewhere?

I find it very odd and a bit uncomfortable. And I can’t understand how your husband can’t smell it off you or notice an impact if you’ve done effectively four gins in one sitting.

She can’t be if it’s double Gins in a mug.