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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guilty pleasure or secret drinker ? AIBU!?

78 replies

Onedownonetogooo · 01/09/2023 13:01

You don’t work as it is not currently your situation. You don’t drive .You are a wife and a mother of 2.

Twice a week you have two double gins in your lemonade . You tell no one. The gin is bought out and drank out think in a coffee cup. This is as you don’t want anyone to know .

You don’t keep any alcohol at home .

You’re generally do this on a Wednesday and a Friday.

Is this a problem ? It’s a secret as you’re not telling anyone but Is it a problem ?

Or is it just a secret pleasure?

OP posts:
Janieforever · 01/09/2023 14:30

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 14:28

She can’t be if it’s double Gins in a mug.

Show quote history

Sorry your post has so confused me. Where is she drinking it out a mug then and how do you know where she’s drinking it?

Harryyourenogoodalone · 01/09/2023 14:31

I think you'll regret it.
Wait til you've packed and kids in bed.

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 14:31

Harryyourenogoodalone · 01/09/2023 14:31

I think you'll regret it.
Wait til you've packed and kids in bed.

Packed what?

im so confused by these answers 😂😂

LondonQueen · 01/09/2023 14:33

Not sure why you'd keep that amount hidden, or drink it in a coffee mug. Drink it in a gin glass like a normal person perhaps?

Harryyourenogoodalone · 01/09/2023 14:33

Sorry wrong thread! 🥴

ISeeMisledPeople · 01/09/2023 14:35

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 14:28

She can’t be if it’s double Gins in a mug.

Show quote history

How not? Is there something about premixed cans that means they can't be poured into another vessel?

And op didn't say mug - she said coffee cup. I'm guessing a travel one, but I'm not so confident that I would state it as an absolute.

Bored1000 · 01/09/2023 14:36

I don’t really think there is anything wrong with it as long as it Dosen’t escalate, also if people could smell alcohol off you /noticed you being a little bit drunk while you were apparently drinking ‘coffee’ they would think you had a problem.

I don’t think there is any harm in keeping a few little secrets from your partner….you don’t have to tell him / everybody everything that is going on in your life if you don’t feel like it.

ISeeMisledPeople · 01/09/2023 14:36

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 14:30

Sorry your post has so confused me. Where is she drinking it out a mug then and how do you know where she’s drinking it?

Show quote history

She clearly states in her op that it is 'bought out and drank out'

LLInADaze · 01/09/2023 14:42

Slippery slope. I could have written this years ago. Starts off so innocent. Something in your life happens and wham.. you're using alcohol to cope through the day. I became an alcoholic and ended up having detoxes. I never thought it would happen to me. I've come through the other side but it was a very dark time of my life.

BarnacleBeasley · 01/09/2023 14:52

I get wanting to do something harmless that only you know about. I occasionally (though not regularly) do similar with McDonalds type junk food. I'm not ashamed of it, exactly, but it's not the way I normally eat, DP doesn't eat it, and I suppose it sort of doesn't fit the kind of person I'd like to be/be seen as (I realise typing that makes me sound like a twat). But I do quite enjoy scoffing a big mac meal occasionally. So if I happen to be going somewhere on my own, once in a while, I might have one and then not mention it to anyone. Even though I know perfectly well no-one would judge me if I did!

If it's the same with the gin, and it's really only twice a week at most, then I don't think it's a problem. I'd be wary if you started wanting to do it more often. I'm imagining it's those miniature bottles that hold 50ml.

Divebar2021 · 01/09/2023 15:07

The issue of with drinking in the day ( if it is in fact in the day) is the potential for having to drive. If for example the school rang to say a child was ill. You’re over the limit to drive but don’t say anything and risk it.
I wouldn’t have been railroaded by DHs family into the appearances of being tee total yourself if that’s not what you want. The whole secrecy is a bit weird and teenager like.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 01/09/2023 15:16

I think what is concerning about this is that you feel unable to have a drink in front of your dh. To me that says that either a) you are scared that you drinking might tempt him back into drinking or b) you are worryingly fearful of him judging you for doing something perfectly reasonable or c) you have a problematic relationship with alcohol, albeit not in the amount you drink but in the way you drink. Maybe a, b and c.

StephanieSuperpowers · 01/09/2023 15:31

BarnacleBeasley · 01/09/2023 14:52

I get wanting to do something harmless that only you know about. I occasionally (though not regularly) do similar with McDonalds type junk food. I'm not ashamed of it, exactly, but it's not the way I normally eat, DP doesn't eat it, and I suppose it sort of doesn't fit the kind of person I'd like to be/be seen as (I realise typing that makes me sound like a twat). But I do quite enjoy scoffing a big mac meal occasionally. So if I happen to be going somewhere on my own, once in a while, I might have one and then not mention it to anyone. Even though I know perfectly well no-one would judge me if I did!

If it's the same with the gin, and it's really only twice a week at most, then I don't think it's a problem. I'd be wary if you started wanting to do it more often. I'm imagining it's those miniature bottles that hold 50ml.

I was going to say something like that. Family life is so intertwined, sometimes carving out a naughty secret for yourself could be...subversive fun?

Moveoverdarlin · 01/09/2023 15:34

I love a gin and tonic in a nice glass, with ice and lemon or lime. It would totally lose its appeal for me if I had to drink it out of a mug. That alone seems a bit odd to me.

Bored1000 · 01/09/2023 16:02

@LLInADaze
Agree it can be a slippery slope and can easily happen, well done for conquering it!

LittleBearPad · 01/09/2023 16:07

Drinking it secretly in a mug is odd.

In a nice glass with ice and tonic not lemonade - much better

Lastchancechica · 01/09/2023 16:35

Just tell your dh, bring it out into the open that you enjoy a G&T a few times a week, but didn’t want to encourage him to restart so kept it yourself. What felt like a fun thing now feels uncomfortable because he doesn’t know.

I would mention that his family seem to disapprove of alcohol, but you enjoy the odd drink and the skulking around feels a bit silly as a fully grown woman. Hopefully he not care/will laugh/ thank you for your honesty. Order some 🍋 and a bag of ice and enjoy your drinks from now on a crystal glass or equivalent!

OnlyFannys · 01/09/2023 16:50

It doesn't sound like you have an issue with alcohol, it's absolutely fine to drink the amount you are having, the secrecy is just due to your DH past and his opinions on alcohol but it doesn't mean he would be right to judge you if he did. It's a shame you can't be open and honest about fancying a gin now and then

Original poster
Onedownonetogooo · 01/09/2023 16:54

ISeeMisledPeople · 01/09/2023 14:35

How not? Is there something about premixed cans that means they can't be poured into another vessel?

And op didn't say mug - she said coffee cup. I'm guessing a travel one, but I'm not so confident that I would state it as an absolute.

Show quote history

I buy the miniatures. They have a double serving and then I pour one into a coffee cup with lemonade !! Then repeat the this as I walk peacefully around.
It sounds crazy I know . Maybe the people in Sainsburys have cottened on but I doubt it as it’s a huge store !

OP posts:
WWYDIYWMRN · 01/09/2023 16:56

It's absolutely fine, I would definitely say guilty pleasure.

MrsPositivity1 · 01/09/2023 16:56

I think you should just enjoy your guilty pleasure

GalileoHumpkins · 01/09/2023 17:18

Onedownonetogooo · 01/09/2023 16:54

I buy the miniatures. They have a double serving and then I pour one into a coffee cup with lemonade !! Then repeat the this as I walk peacefully around.
It sounds crazy I know . Maybe the people in Sainsburys have cottened on but I doubt it as it’s a huge store !

Show quote history

Walking around Sainsburys with lemonade and gin in a coffee cup is fecking weird.

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 17:41

Onedownonetogooo · 01/09/2023 16:54

I buy the miniatures. They have a double serving and then I pour one into a coffee cup with lemonade !! Then repeat the this as I walk peacefully around.
It sounds crazy I know . Maybe the people in Sainsburys have cottened on but I doubt it as it’s a huge store !

Show quote history

So basically you go to sainsbis and drink in secret? And knock back two doubles or 4 singles as you do?

that is behaviour I’d assume from an alcoholic.

can I ask gently, is the real reason no booze in your house genuinely due to your husband having a problem with alcohol or is it because you do?

Lamp1 · 01/09/2023 17:44

This sounds like a lot of fun! I wouldn’t do this because I am a problem drinker. This would be a HUGE escalation for me. But I would absolutely love to.

Definitely class it as a guilty pleasure, I think. Also, you are allowed to have secrets! No one is owed our whole truth. Especially if it is pleasurable, not problematic. Obviously I wouldn’t be saying that if you were saying you were sinking 50 units a week and no one knew but I really don’t see this as a problem. My DH doesn’t know I invested in a rampant rabbit. I currently have no intention of bringing that into the relationship… may do in the future.

NoSquirrels · 01/09/2023 18:06

So on Wednesdays and Fridays you go to the supermarket and drink a double gin & lemonade as you do the shopping? You don’t drive - do you get a taxi home? Or are you not doing a shop and you just go to buy the booze and drink it whilst browsing?

It is pretty odd, OP.