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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guilty pleasure or secret drinker ? AIBU!?

78 replies

Onedownonetogooo · 01/09/2023 13:01

You don’t work as it is not currently your situation. You don’t drive .You are a wife and a mother of 2.

Twice a week you have two double gins in your lemonade . You tell no one. The gin is bought out and drank out think in a coffee cup. This is as you don’t want anyone to know .

You don’t keep any alcohol at home .

You’re generally do this on a Wednesday and a Friday.

Is this a problem ? It’s a secret as you’re not telling anyone but Is it a problem ?

Or is it just a secret pleasure?

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 01/09/2023 13:02

Why are you keeping it a secret?

BakingBeanz · 01/09/2023 13:04

The secrecy is really odd. Is there a reason for it?

I think drinking alone generally isn’t a good thing and that goes double for drinking in secret. Not that you’re some raging alcoholic but it’s not a good habit to start and it might be worth thinking about.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 01/09/2023 13:06

I agree the secrecy is weird

2 double gins twice a week ie 4 measures of alcohol is unlikely to be much of a problem but I would be wary of it increasing and as others said wondering why it’s a secret?

coloursquare · 01/09/2023 13:08

Sounds weird. How do you have it if you don't keep alcohol at home?

Glorifried · 01/09/2023 13:08

So where do you keep the gin?!

NoSquirrels · 01/09/2023 13:09

Why? Why not have a G&T in a glass, with ice and a slice, like a civilised person?

coloursquare · 01/09/2023 13:09

I mean, my circumstances are pretty much identical to yours and if I wanted a couple of gins I'd just have them in a glass!

Eyesopenwideawake · 01/09/2023 13:10

It depends why it's being drunk. To cope? To bring 'happiness'? As a fuck you to the world?

What would happen if it wasn't drunk - panic, disappointment or nothing?

mistermagpie · 01/09/2023 13:11

The amount of alcohol isn't an issue but the secrecy is. Why can't you have it in a glass like a normal person?

Livedandlearned · 01/09/2023 13:12

A Wednesday and Friday morning, afternoon or evening?

mumtoboys12 · 01/09/2023 13:13

That's not alot to drink so why is it secret? Religion?

5128gap · 01/09/2023 13:14

Secret drinking is always a problem. Whether it's a problem because the drinker knows it's inappropriate, but is compelled to do it anyway, because the drinker is hiding appropriate drinking from a controlling partner, or has a mismatch in attitudes to drinking with those around them, its a problem if you can't be authentic.

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/09/2023 13:15

It’s the kind of thing my friends and I used to do as students if we wanted to drink in the park but thought we’d get chucked out for having alcohol in public. I think that’s the only “normal” reason for that level of secrecy around drinking.

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2023 13:16

Sounds a bit 1950s "mum" hiding the GinWhy are you hiding it ?

LubaLuca · 01/09/2023 13:19

The behaviour is odd. Why do you feel you need to be sneaky about it?

HeatherMoores · 01/09/2023 13:20

Depends on the reason for the secrecy.

Toddler101 · 01/09/2023 13:20

Hiding gin in a coffee cup is a problem.
Drinking secretly is a problem.

Drinking 4 measures a week is not necessarily a problem.

Missey85 · 01/09/2023 13:21

The drinks aren't a problem but hiding it is who cares if you have a couple of drinks? You don't need to hide it

AllThatTwitters · 01/09/2023 13:24

Is it that the two gins per week are the one thing you do at the moment that is completely for you and you only, and as such you want to keep it to yourself?

Skybluecoat · 01/09/2023 13:25

Where is the gin kept if it’s not at your home?

GalileoHumpkins · 01/09/2023 13:30

Sounds bonkers to me. Why are you hiding it and who from?

PaperNests · 01/09/2023 13:35

I'm not sure about this. Would it be different if it wasn't alcohol? I've lived with an alcoholic and the secret drinking was what made me realise it was a problem, and that he was hiding it from himself as well as me. The secrecy let him minimise it. However I do sometimes secretly eat ice cream in the garden when everyone is home. It's not a big secret, if they saw me I'd just get them some too, but somehow it's sweeter when I just tiptoe outside with a little bowl and have a little quiet portion all to myself.

Original poster
Onedownonetogooo · 01/09/2023 13:37

Hi All, thanks for the reply .

I think the fact I’m asking the question makes me know it’s abit of an odd thing .

DH has slowly over the years become t total. I know there was a time he drank alot . I guess over years alcohol left the house and then as DH was never driving I felt judged to drink but he always says to me - have a drink if you fancy one when we are out.

In laws are strictly no drinking so there is never alcohol at family gatherings .

I know DH would raise eyebrows if I came home with a bottle of gin but I could clearly tell him - on his bike !!!!!!

I guess I enjoy knowing it’s just for me and no one knows and it my thing ! There is no judgment or justification. Also , I enjoin it having alcohol in the house as I could never think oh tonight I’ll have more. I don’t she. A problem with alchol but used to enjoy several in 20s!

I just wondered if it’s normal to ever just be able to have a secret pleasure and if it never escalated then there isn’t an issue. But the issue is that I’m omitting to tell DH and I guess that’s hiding.

DH isn’t controlling at all but has become very into his sober lifestyle and truthfully I feel judged by drinking .

OP posts:
AllThatTwitters · 01/09/2023 13:38

PaperNests · 01/09/2023 13:35

I'm not sure about this. Would it be different if it wasn't alcohol? I've lived with an alcoholic and the secret drinking was what made me realise it was a problem, and that he was hiding it from himself as well as me. The secrecy let him minimise it. However I do sometimes secretly eat ice cream in the garden when everyone is home. It's not a big secret, if they saw me I'd just get them some too, but somehow it's sweeter when I just tiptoe outside with a little bowl and have a little quiet portion all to myself.

Yup, someone I know (me) sometimes sneaks crisps up to the bedroom to eat them in private, for really no rational reason other than it feels good

BarbaraofSeville · 01/09/2023 13:38

Well it's obvious the OP is hiding it because it's not socially acceptable to do so, despite it sounding like there is no risk of it being or turning into problem drinking of any kind.

Even if the drink is in the morning, if the OP is not driving, operating machinery or neglecting work/DC then it effects no-one. Yet if people knew she was enjoying a double gin and lemonade at 11 am every Wednesday and Friday, most would disapprove.

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