AIBU to resent my colleague's 'working from home' arrangement.

[Unfairy]

I work in a small but busy team, my colleage and I plus our manager. Our organisation is family friendly and my manager is tolerant about family commitments.

My colleague works from home for one or two days of her 4 day week. I work a 5 day week from the office, occasionally working from home.

Both of us have two children - hers are younger (one at school, one at nursery), mine are a little older. My colleague cites childcare costs and complications as the reason why she cannot do a 4 day week in the office.

True, my childcare costs are lower and simpler to arrange, but I know my colleague would get working tax credits if she paid for more childcare. As it is, she has family looking after her children for some of the time she is at work, so her childcare costs are low in comparisom to many.

I have a considerably bigger workload than my colleague. She admits this herself and has told me she feels guilty about it. She says our manager just doesn't give her enough work to do from home and she often runs out of work to do. Meanwhile, I am left to do all the work that crops up ad hoc in the office on her days off, as well as my own work. My manager consistently gives me a bigger workload.

But I like my colleague a lot and realise she is hardly going to refuse to work from home while our manager condones it.

There is no way I could ask for a similar working from home arrangement - the team would simply not be able to function! Our manager turns a blind eye to this.

I am on the same salary and grade as my collegue. I am getting increasingly resentful when I see her making loose arrangements with my manager to 'pop in' for a few hours on her way back from nursery, while I am chained to my desk. Just because my children are older does not mean I am less busy with them. Sisterly solidarity only goes so far.

I like both my colleague and my manager. I appreciate the flexible, family friendly policies at our workplace and have taken advantage of them myself. I don't want to rock the boat. But still, I feel that I am getting an unfair deal here.

What should I do?

Sorry, no advice to give but I know how you feel. I work with a guy who works from home one day a week (and he does work bloody hard, I know) but he has the sort of job which means that he really has to be in the office 5 days and it affects a lot of people for him to be away from his desk. We are constantly apologising for his absence and placating people.

I have a lesser job than him and am currently on maternity leave. If I ask for a similar arrangement when I return then I know it'll be refused as they'll say it's not practical. I understand it and support it but it usually isn't fair on a lot of other people.

Quantify it. Make a list of the tasks that you are given because she doesn't complete them. It's not necessarily about her working from home, it's about the amount of work she gets done, the effect on you and the fact that her arrangement is unfair to you.

I think you need to think about what you wnat to get out of this too. Do you want to work from home, genuinely, x days a week? Because I think if you come up with a proposal that sorts out the workload, makes you both happy, lets your manager not worry too much about it then everyone could end up happy with the arrangement. I think if you go about this in a professional, calm, and reasonable manner (not that you should have to, I think your manager should be doing this tbh but hey, she's not so you migh tas well just do it!) then you might all get somethnig good out of it.

So:
Summarise the problem
Quantify it
Consider couple of possible solutions - one being "as is" and the pros and cons of each, cons of this one in plave being that it is unfair AND doesn't result in the work being done
recommend a course of action
and an implementation timetable
offer to do whatever to make it work
consider all the objections and think of ways to mitigate any issues
go to your boss with it

Good luck. It does sound unfair atm but I would look upon it as an opportunity to get what you want.

do you have an opportunity durnig your appraisal where you could raise it. It would give you an opportunity to raise your issue in a carefullythought out way

I would think you dont want to spoil your friends arrangement but would just like some acknowledgement for what you do. I have had similar siuations in the past to what you describe so understand exactly how you feel. Working from home is a real grey area and you do need clear tasks which can be completed. Really your friend should not be working from home if she is also minding children.....we would use it occasionally if a child was ill and work needed completeing. working from home although a good concession is all it is and shouldnt be relied upon. I do think your friend is taking the mickey a bit with work....but that isnt your issue, that is for your manager to decide. I would concentrate on what you need to do and your tasks to complete. And as long as you feel you are doing a fare day for youe wage then I wouldnt be feeling bad about what your coleague is doing.

SA2 XXX

I have no idea, but every sympathy. DP gets this at work, he and most of his colleagues have children, we were going to a show at the theatre on friday, as was a woman in his office, same time, same showing, etc, she got free tickets because she 'has kids' and they work on a newspaper, no 'oh, you've all got kids so we'll do a draw' she just got them immediately we paid £75 for them.

She left the office at one to get ready, DP couldnt leave til 4 and even then he was the one getting phone calls as to why there was no-one in the office, whereas she is able to galavant off wherever she feels like, when she feels like.

I think the difference here though is that she is a she so can play on it even though the kids are in full-time care that is paid for.

And her childcare costs are absolutely NOT the company's problem imo plus ages of children is irrelevant. Btw, make sure you consult all company policies, so if in your proposal you can add quotes from any flexible working policies/HR documents/intranet statements about how it should work then so much the better.

If your manager takes your points on board thne your colleague should be forced to do more work or spend more time in the office or share the at home bit more flexibly. Currently she's taking the piss, frankly.

unfairy, I think the issue here is that your manager is not managing the situation properly. Of course, choosing between you or your colleague, it is far easier for your manager to give work to the one in the office and more difficult to co-ordinate work where it is delegated to your colleague.

Agree with others that you need to raise this with your boss. Either your manager does the job she gets paid to do (ie manage) or you will have to manage for her and get a corresponding pay rise and change in job title to reflect that and have the freedom to apportion work between you and colleague as you see fit.

Of course, you will be able to put it in nicer terms than that, at the appraisal/meeting.

As with VS my ex husband because he was male at school he didn't get let off early for child things in the way female colleagues were and yet he was in exactly their position, lower earner, working for pin money, primary responsibility for the children, had to get back in time for the child care to leave.

In your situation one hopes in time you'll get promoted and this lady's career will be on a sideline but there is often no justice in the world so that may not happen. Indeed she might get promoted over you in due course. In some careers if you're there you're noticed and do well. So you benefit from working as you do and not as the other lady does.

Good advice from WWW. The issue really is how your colleague's situation is impacting on you. A flexible arrangement for a worker should not be allowed to have a negative effect on any other employee, or the company, or on clients. Also, as WWW rightly says, childcare costs are not the company's problem. It sounds as though your colleague may be working with her kids at home (you say the arrangement is keeping her childcare costs down) which is absolutely not on at all - really unprofessional.

If I was you i'd bring it up with your boss about how you are feeling there is unfairness, and that you should both be treated equally. Explain that it's not anything personal, it's just a matter of being fair to everyone.
You guys are lucky you have the choice of working from home at all, some people don't even get that option because of the line of work they do.

I don't think it's a working from home issue, it's a workload management issue. You need to have a system where if niggling little things come up in the office they're shared equally. Agree with WWW, she's got a good plan for you there.

FWIW I work from home a lot, as do all my colleagues, but we use e-mail, texting and phones a lot to communicate so that the person who happens to be in the office that day doesn't get dumped with the crap to the detriment of their projects/ objectives, it gets shared out equally.

But then, I work for an organisation which really understands that working from home still means being part of the team and pulling your weight as part of the team. I think a lot of organisations are still in their infancy as regards WfH and really don't manage it well, particularly when it's only a couple of individuals who work from home. Where you have more than half the workforce doing it regularly (as with my org), you have to manage it properly.

I agree with Blueshoes that this is up to your manager to manage. It it not your colleagues fault. My brother works from home when minding his child on day a week, but in reality he minds his child and does his workload in the evening and some at the weekend. I agree it is also unfair when men in the office are not considered "fathers", but I think its a shame when colleagues get resentful about the mothers in the office, rather than stand up and get counted as fathers themselves. Both mums and dads have the right to request flexible working and time of for dependents. I wonder if don't want to do this and worry its detrimental to their careers, but still moan about the mums who do it? and don't worry Xenia, I am sure most women who work from home or request flexi work do get sidelined. I see it all the time.

I think it's hard as a man. Don't all want to admit theirs is the secondary income at home and they have to rush home to let the nanny leave. Being able to lose face like that is hard for some men. I remember him once telling me the headmaster's off the cuff comment that he hadn't got much of a pay rise because they all knew how much I earned which i suppose is a bit like the days in teaching when women earned less than men and had to leave work when they married because they didn't have families to support!

In a lot of linear careers where you progress upwards the saving grace is the person who gets the work, is in the office, impresses clients, builds up their own following even if they are over burdened now probably over the next 30 years earn more.

Xenia this is going off piste and I don't want to hijack the thread, but it's always seemed a bit strange to me that you chose a situation where your dh was financially dependent on you and working for what you decribe as 'pin money', bearing in mind that you don't agree with women taking that role with a man. Just strikes me as a bit strange. I think one of the main factors in the success of my marriage is that we chose equality in earning power and home/childcare responsibilities. I know I would find it very difficult to be financially dependent on a man or vice versa.

to the op
ask for a pay rise.citing the reasons you mention in the oreiginal post

(We earned about the same for a while although over time diverged. It only became "pin money" by the point we saw that if I worked one extra hour a day would make his annual teacher's salary. I'm not sure he was dependent however. He was a higher tax rate payer which is why it's so unfair that on divorce even if you both work full time, both pay higher rate tax, both have given nothing up in terms of career over a 20 year marriage, neither supported the career of the other you still get a huge pay out from the higher earner - I cannot see any justice in that at all)

Not a working from home issue. It's an unbalanced workload. Which is down to your manager to sort. And as she works 4 days to your 5 it isn't surprising she does less. Does she really get paid the same salary for working one day less? You need to talk about your workload, not hers. If there is a problem with her work, the fact that you are overloaded and unhappy with it should make your manager look more closely at the situation.

I work from home 2 days a week and I work much longer hours than my contracted 30 a week. To my mind it comes with the territory.

Oh right, I see Xenia. I just always wondered why, as you seem so militant about it. Gosh, I could never live with someone who earned as much in an hour a day as I would full time over a year - especially if I was in a career I considered worthwhile and socially (as well as economically) beneficial.

So what would you do if the person you lived with suddenly earned 10x what you did? Leave them?

I would imagine a sudden increase to 10 x one partner's earnings would be pretty unusual. And although I can't say what I'd do, I imagine it would put a big strain on the relationship tbh. Sounds lovely in theory, but I would guess that relationships which start off on an equal footing and then diverge drastically (and I mean not just financially but in other ways) can lead to difficulties. Probably my response would be be to make damn sure I started to earn as much as my partner to get back on an equal footing! But it's a tricky one, because I would have to be doing something interesting and valuable. I changed careers many years ago to something which is less lucrative but more interesting, so this would be a key point for me.

Considering your pervious post, the wisest thing would be to divorce them.

Or that, Spockster

Wasn't a problem at all and not at all sudden, over 10 years probably and ew always just shared money in joint accounts, never argued about money, both had same attitude to it. Really wasn't a problem. There will be other mumsnetters whose husbands earn 10x what they do I expect and I'm sure they manage. We knew when we married he was as teacher and woudl always earn less. It wasn't an issue at all.

Interesting points you all raise. Thanks.

I know I will bring something up in a roundabout way at my next meeting with my manager, but it's going to be tricky to state my case without making a veiled complaint against my colleague or my manager!

Ormirian, yes, my colleague is paid pro rata so takes home less money than me, though we are on the same salary grade. She is not given as much work as me to do, even taking into account that I work one day more a week than her. She says this herself and as I work closely with her when she is in, I've a pretty good idea of her workload. However I baulk at quantifying what we both do and showing this to my manager. This is bound to come across as a complaint

Also, having a manager who is not a total slave driver and is understanding about our work life balance is a real blessing and something I truly appreciate, so I don't want to jeopardise this by insisting he keeps a much closer check on what work my colleague and I do.

But www, you are dead right that I need to be analytical about this and decide what I want out of it. TBH, what I want is to be upgraded, without losing the chance of working from home on occasion, and also, without losing the friendship of my colleague.

Just slightly off topic, but part of what is annoying me is the fact that my colleague is quite happy to use childcare problems (ie her mother had to do some shopping before she could come round to babysit her youngest) or children's dentist appointments, swimming lessons etc when she has to leave early, come in late, stay for a few hours only. Recently, she swapped her office days round because she'd planned to take her children to a theme farm... my boss said no problem, come in the next day instead.

I am beginning to find this a bit irritating and unprofessional. Through past experience, I tend to play down non urgent childcare/parenting commitments that might eat into my time at work and if I need to work a short day (we have a flexi leave system) I don't automatically cite my children as the reason why.

I agree with all those who say that my manager needs to manage the workload better - how do I get that across without making it look like a criticism though!

WWW do you work in HR? You always sound v clued up about work issues such as this.

unfairy - i suppose ultimately what goes on between your colleage and your boss is up to them - do you really know what your colleague earns? maybe she has negotiated fewer hours?

i dont think you can change their working relationship but you can change yours - as others have said - if you think you are doing more than you should or longer hours or deserve a pay rise ask for it - but you have to keep your nose out of their relationship - there is nothing you can say that won't look like criticism of your boss