AIBU to resent my colleague's 'working from home' arrangement.

[Unfairy]

I work in a small but busy team, my colleage and I plus our manager. Our organisation is family friendly and my manager is tolerant about family commitments.

My colleague works from home for one or two days of her 4 day week. I work a 5 day week from the office, occasionally working from home.

Both of us have two children - hers are younger (one at school, one at nursery), mine are a little older. My colleague cites childcare costs and complications as the reason why she cannot do a 4 day week in the office.

True, my childcare costs are lower and simpler to arrange, but I know my colleague would get working tax credits if she paid for more childcare. As it is, she has family looking after her children for some of the time she is at work, so her childcare costs are low in comparisom to many.

I have a considerably bigger workload than my colleague. She admits this herself and has told me she feels guilty about it. She says our manager just doesn't give her enough work to do from home and she often runs out of work to do. Meanwhile, I am left to do all the work that crops up ad hoc in the office on her days off, as well as my own work. My manager consistently gives me a bigger workload.

But I like my colleague a lot and realise she is hardly going to refuse to work from home while our manager condones it.

There is no way I could ask for a similar working from home arrangement - the team would simply not be able to function! Our manager turns a blind eye to this.

I am on the same salary and grade as my collegue. I am getting increasingly resentful when I see her making loose arrangements with my manager to 'pop in' for a few hours on her way back from nursery, while I am chained to my desk. Just because my children are older does not mean I am less busy with them. Sisterly solidarity only goes so far.

I like both my colleague and my manager. I appreciate the flexible, family friendly policies at our workplace and have taken advantage of them myself. I don't want to rock the boat. But still, I feel that I am getting an unfair deal here.

What should I do?

You can?t go to your manager about how much work SHE?s doing (or not doing) because you can?t quantify that. As others have said, I think the point is that you?re doing too much / picking up too many pieces because no-one else is doing that for you. What about if you say ?no I can?t do that just yet, sorry, because I?ve still got x/y/z to do? when asked to pick up the pieces? Or do you pick up the pieces out of your own sense of responsibility? What would happen if you didn?t pick up the pieces one week? Would the world fall apart? (Not sure what work you?re in.)

I work in IT and lots of people (men, btw) on my projects work 4 days a week. Very irritating when you?ve got deadlines to meet BUT I?m all for men being prepared to work 4 days a week so that their wives can also work 4 rather than 3 days a week, eg, and still build up a career. The point is I have to plan my projects around the flexible working times. As long as I know that people work 4 days a week, then I can plan around it. Your boss should be doing the same.

If you want to be upgraded then you'll need to demonstrate that you have taken on additional responsibilities/duties than your colleague. It isn't just about getting through more work than your colleague.

I work very flexibly and do some work in the office, some at home during the evening/early morning and occasionally at weekends. What helps is that I have the sort of work that makes this sort of arrangement possible and that I am very clear about my objectives with my Director. I use all sorts of gadgets to ensure that my clients have no clue where I am when I am sitting at my kitchen table with the lap top.

I don't know how many hours I work but I do achieve my objectives. I could probably get away with less but that won't help my career in the long run. One way of dishing out the work fairly might be to be clearer about objectives. Perhaps you could tactfully point out to your manager the inequity in the objectives you are set?

unfairy, but bringing this up in a professional manner isn't whining, it's completely ok and utterly appropriate. It's not a complaint, you are going to go to your manager with a problem AND a solution! Employees who do that are thanked in my experince and not enough do it, they moan with no realistic basis in fact and without thinking of ways around the problem or thought for getting what they want. You don't manage the colleague so really it's not your place to comment on HER workload but it is utterly ok to talk about your OWN workload and what YOU want. In a way all the background is a good thing in that your colleague has set a precedent for working from home etc but there is NOTHING wrong with quantifying what you do and asking for a) some help with your workload and b) increased flexibility. Also, your manager SHOULD be being fair. If there's a rule for your colleague and your workload/grades etc are the same then that rule should apply to you too, or, if it doesn't, someone should tell you why.

If it was me tbh I would absolutely tell the manager that colleague runs out of things to do at home but I wouldn't necessarily recommend you do so. If you decide to do so you could tell the manager off the record just so she knows. She probably has no idea.

Oxo, no I don't work in HR but I manage teams of people and therefore have Views about this kind of thing and some experience.

Something else I forgot to say and which llareggub's first sentence reminded me of: if you want to get promoted then as llareggub says, the first thing you have to do is make sure your boss knows you're doing all this extra stuff. We women are not good at asking for recognition of all the extra work we do and expect people just to see it. Men will make blardy sure everyone knows about it, even if half of it is bluff [roll eyes]

Can I suggest you go to your boss with the the details of how much extra stuff you've been doing (quantify it, you need to). It can then pan out in one of two ways if you play your cards right: either you get given less to do and it feels "fairer", or you've got grounds for more salary or promotion etc. Not sure which you'd prefer?

yes, all of you are right of course - I have to talk to my manager in terms of my workload and what I want, not what I feel about my colleaque and her workload.

I know exactly what my colleague earns because we work in the public sector and this sort of info is freely available - I know exactly what my manager earns, too

I certainly agree about women and blowing your own trumpet. They need to be better at going round saying how good they are.

I'm surprised how you all seem to think the other colleague's behaviour is something to raise with a manager: TBH, it's nothing to do with you at all! If you have workload/ home-work balance issues, raise them with your manager directly, rather than resent someone who has been explicit about their own working patterns and how they want to balance home and work responsibilities.. it strikes me your colleague has her head screwed on and has decided to tread water for a while and her manager has agreed to it. Lucky her and good on her for asserting herself.

Yes, YABU. Your colleague has managed to negotiate an arrangement that suits her. Re-negotiate your own arrangement if you're not happy with it.

Very much agree with pofaced and sunnydelight!

problem is, pofaced and sunnydelight, is that we are such a small team - just thee people, manager included.

No chance of getting more staff. So if my colleague has as you call it 'negotiated' a better work life balance ie fewer hours in the office and less of a workload, then the reminder falls to me to pick up.

And there is no way I could work from home 1 or 2 days a week like my colleague - out of office workers don't have access to work emails or work intranet at home for a start, making it impossible for the majority of a team to be based at home regularly. The reason my colleague can work from home is because I am in the office full time. My manager is a hard worker, very conscientious, but there is only so much he can do.

Sounds like you need to become a bit more assertive, Unfairy - and make it clear that you can't just keep picking up the jobs that your colleague is 'unable' to do.

I think she has not only negotiated herself a good deal but she is also manipulating the rest of you so that her needs are accommodated at the expense of yours.

Very hard to deal with in a such a small environment, but if it's making you unhappy and resentful then you have to deal with it now and not let it fester.

Your colleague has a really easy ride of it and you don't. And your manager is nice and easy going. This is not going to change and you can not do anything about this. The ONLY alternative is to view it differently yourself, so that it doens't eat you up.
I know this, becasue I was the same. I am now in a job with a lovely manager and not enough work to do !!!
there are always ways and means of saying things:
you could say... in appraisal, that this woman often doesn't have enough to do and frequently asks you for bits ( thus HIGHLIGHTING to manager who is oblivious to this) and suggest that you give her task a,b,c, as regular duty and this will help you and her and him.
That is productive, rather than a negative complaint.
And why don't you ask to work 1 day from home, on say one of the days that she is in. Atleast ASK. What have you got to lose ?
You need to take control of the situation and try and make subtle changes, or else your jealousy and your justified anger at the unjustness of it all is going to eat you up inside.

I've already suggested to my manager (on a couple of occasions) that my colleague picks up specific tasks of mine, or shares working on a project with me. (This was after talking to my colleague and finding she was happy to do this extra work). My manger ignored my suggestions!

Yes, you are right, the situation is beginning to get at me and I don't want to feel like this. The work I do is interesting and I get lots of job satisfaction - this is spoiling it.

It's true I could ask to work one day a week from home one one of the days my colleague is in the office, but I hesitate to do this.

Our small team is part of a larger team (approx 50 or so people in our organisation doing similar work) No one in the team works from home regularly and I get the impression my colleague's arrangement is not looked on quite so tolerantly by some of the other team and managers. As our working day is flexible already and I have a very quick and easy commute, I don't have a pressing need to work from home regularly. I also feel it would affect my chances of promotion.

I think you have to back to your manager and re-state your case then, and point out that this had been agreed but not implemented. I would also suggest that you talk to your colleague about why she isn't following this agreement as well. Neither of them want any of this to change - your colleague is having a good time being at home on her terms and it sounds like your manager is anything for an easy life. So don't let them get away with it.

And go with your instincts about staying in the office. Your best route through this would be to be promoted!

Your colleague says she often doesn't have enough to do when she's working from home. Does she tell your manager this? Does she ask for more work to do at home?

I suspect the answer is no, which, to me, says that she's taking advantage of you, especially if she knows that you pick up the slack in the office and earn the same as her.

I'm not sure that your colleague is as innocent in all of this as she makes out. Sorry.

Unfairy, we need to give you a confidence boost and make you more aggressive and stand up for your right
This situation is no good, you know that don't you ? It will wear you down and make you even more resentful, if you don't do something.
Be strong.
As because-worth-it said, ask to talk to him, prior to appraisal, say I suggested this, but situation changed / got worse.
Be MORE DEMONSTRATIVE
Go on, you can do this.
We will help yuo/support you.
Who cares what the other people think, managers and team, ere working at home lady. We will help you think up a good reason that you can whop them with, as to why it would work for you. And if they don't like it. WHO CARES. It is probably jealousy. 99.9 % of people would take that one day at home, 4 days in the office, at a SNATCH, if it was offered to them - you know that , right ?

To be fair, my colleague does ask my manager for more work to take home - she does this in front of me several times, so I know it happens. I don't think she'd have told him outright that she actually runs out of work, as I suppose this would jeopardise the whole working from home arrangement. I wouldn't expect her to be this blunt with him. She is not going to put my needs above being there for her children. I can't expect this of her. I am not saying she is absolutely without thought for herself in all this, but but I know my colleague would do more work if my manager gave it to her.

I will be meeting my manager for an appraisal next week and am mulling over all these messages. They are very helpful.

colleague sounds like a lazy, good for nothing. Who abuses her flexibility.
This aint NEVER gonna change. How I wish my manager would open his eyes sometimes. But I bet your manager won't either.
Thus it is up to you, to point this out to him, but in a clever way.

this is what Mn is best for, helping people achieve this kind of thing.

What are you so jealous of ? List the 5 changes that would make this situation better and then lets action it.

Good. Let us know how your appraisal goes.

I'm not suggesting that she should put your needs above her own but what I am suggesting that she could put a stop to this pisstaking if she wanted to. Which she clearly doesn't.

Good luck with it.

I'm in the camp that says your colleague has cannily arranged things to her benefit, and that you should do the same. But your later postings imply that you don't really want to work from home. If the workload is unevenly shared then you should use that as a tool to up your salary/holiday/benefits.

I leave work early twice a week to pick up DS so that my wife can stay late at work. I can only do this because one of the other Dads had a similar arrangement before me. Other staff may resent it but, frankly, stuff them - if they want/need the same they can ask for it too as a precedent has been set! It allows my DW to work and I get to see my boy.

I find this very interesting. There is a deeper issue, that your manager does not treat you (and others probably?) the same way as he treats this particular individual. Not just about the workload, which he may or may not be aware of, but the general attitude by the sounds of things.

Have a think about why this is, there will be some reason and knowing what it is will help you work out the best way to address it.

It does sound as though you don't necessarily want your colleague to have more work, you want appropriate recognition for what you do, and maybe a little bit more flexibility for yourself. You can do this without complaining about your colleagues arrangement directly if you'd prefer that.

Prepare well for your appraisal, with bags of evidence about your own achievements and evidence about why you should have an increase or whatever it is you want.

"Other staff may resent it but, frankly, stuff them"

My attitude precisely dadada. My arrangements are the very best way for me to function and do my role well in my current situation. My manager and the employer generally are happy with the situation. If a given colleague was unhappy with his workload/arrangments it would be down to him to make it better, not to nitpick with mine. A good manager should be able to fix one without messing up the other iyswim.

i haven't read quite all of these posts but as a former manager of people and now someone who trains authorities on flexible working policies i do feel strongly that you should be coming from the viewpoint of how you want to be able to work flexibly and that policies can be applied fairly across all staff. you want to get the flexibilities she has not scupper everybody's ability to do so. definitely quantify it and don't use her as your weapon, your brilliant experience and skills and value to the organisation are key. it costs employers far more to recruit and train new people than to keep great people like you. so he/she will want to keep you!

and don't forget that there are hardly any jobs that can't be worked flexibly - there are an increasing number of chief execs working flexibly (not just women CEOs). it helps everybody - everybody will have the need to do it during their working life, for kids, sick mums, recovering husbands or to get more training/better work life balance