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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How much do you hide the truth/lie?

65 replies

porridgeisbae · 31/08/2023 19:35

Just that really.

I find there are often things I feel I have to lie about- for instance if I have an appointment and I don't want the person I'm talking to to know I have an appointment for something.

Or if someone pries into my life (I don't work due to bipolar but I wouldn't say that to most people, so I feel I have to make something up.)

OP posts:
Tabitha1960 · 31/08/2023 20:38

I white-lie several times a day, to get myself out of awkward convos or situations.

StoatofDisarray · 31/08/2023 20:39

I lie quite a lot so people don't think I'm a freak!

CalistoNoSolo · 31/08/2023 20:41

Hardly ever, I hate lying and i cant stand liars. If I don't want to tell someone something I don't tell them.

HerProposal · 31/08/2023 20:43

Loads.

White lies mostly, to save someone's feelings or like you, hide information I don't want to give. Medium lies sometimes. Rarely would I tell a 'big' lie, I can't think of any examples.

I'm honest with friends, and my husband, though.

When I'm at the hairdressers I lie about where I'm going on holiday, I make it more interesting...I go into so much detail I surprise myself!

Dinojump · 31/08/2023 20:44

I can't lie, I simply couldn't remember what I'd said. Would get caught out too easily 🤣

something2say · 31/08/2023 20:46

I will avoid answering if I want to, and use tricks and tips to get out of things.

IncompleteSenten · 31/08/2023 20:47

Do you mean intrusive questions from nosy people? I just don't answer them. I tend to reply why do you need to know that?
They normally drop it but sometimes will say just curious or just making conversation or similar and I'll reply oh. Right. Then still not give them the information. They don't push it.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 31/08/2023 20:48

I avoid telling people things more than I lie. There are big gaps in my personal CV so far as other people's knowledge of me is concerned, and I'm happy for things to stay that way.

cariadlet · 31/08/2023 20:49

Very rarely.

I'm autistic and am rubbish at lying. I can't even do white lies if I'm put on the spot unless I've previously been in similar circumstances so know what white lie I need to use/how I should behave.

Life would probably be a bit smoother if I was a natural liar.

BarelyLiterate · 31/08/2023 20:52

I try very hard to never actually lie, because I don’t find it necessary. What I do instead is to use politicians’ tactics of answering a slightly different question to the one asked, or giving a very general answer which could mean anything or nothing.

RampantIvy · 31/08/2023 20:54

CalistoNoSolo · 31/08/2023 20:41

Hardly ever, I hate lying and i cant stand liars. If I don't want to tell someone something I don't tell them.

Same here.

When I'm at the hairdressers I lie about where I'm going on holiday, I make it more interesting...I go into so much detail I surprise myself!

Why? I don't see the point.

Perplexed0 · 31/08/2023 21:09

I just can’t bring myself to lie and it wouldn’t enter my head to do so. I’m sorry but I think adults lying is one of the worst characteristics in people. It seems very immature to me. If I know somebody has lied I cannot trust them or take them seriously unless they are in a dangerous situation.

porridgeisbae · 31/08/2023 21:13

If I don't want to tell someone something I don't tell them.

Yes but sometimes you have to say something if asked a question I find. You can hardly like, not reply at all.

When I'm at the hairdressers I lie about where I'm going on holiday, I make it more interesting...I go into so much detail I surprise myself!

Grin Maybe you should write a book.

I can't lie, I simply couldn't remember what I'd said. Would get caught out too easily

I stick to unimaginative stuff and recycle the same ones so I can't go wrong easily. Like, my job is either cleaning or care work (I have done both of these, so it's not difficult to make stuff up about it) and I spend a lot of time playing Pokemon or seeing my friend Fay if I'm in counselling sessions or have some other sort of appointment.

use tricks and tips to get out of things

@something2say ooh, what sort of thing?

I tend to reply why do you need to know that?

I think that'd make for an even more unrelaxing taxi trip. Grin

I'll reply oh. Right. Then still not give them the information. They don't push it.

That's quite cool, I might try that.

I try very hard to never actually lie, because I don’t find it necessary. What I do instead is to use politicians’ tactics of answering a slightly different question to the one asked, or giving a very general answer which could mean anything or nothing.

@BarelyLiterate Ooh interesting. So if someone asked what you did as a a job and you don't have one and don't want to say that, what would you say? Or if you'd been to an appointment you don't want people to know about? It'd definitely help if I could avoid lying, as it's not in line with my values.

OP posts:
porridgeisbae · 31/08/2023 21:18

I just can’t bring myself to lie and it wouldn’t enter my head to do so. I’m sorry but I think adults lying is one of the worst characteristics in people. It seems very immature to me.

@Perplexed0 But presumably you wouldn't tell for instance a taxi driver or some other random person all your private business. I think it depends on the individual's circumstances how much lying seems harder to avoid.

Cos I'm not going to tell randoms about my disability straight away, or if I have a health scare that'll probably end up being nothing, I don't see the point in worry family etc by mentioning I'm going for a scan or whatever.

OP posts:
StoatofDisarray · 31/08/2023 21:23

Actually, I lied: I don't lie much at all because I'm rubbish at it and I always feel a terrible urge to come clean afterwards. I just remain as vague as possible.

OhHolyMoly · 31/08/2023 21:25

I'm trying to think of a good lie at the moment. I go to a really good lady for Botox who lives right by by DM's house.

I don't want to discuss my Botox with my DM or anyone actually.

What should I say if she asks me why I was there?

user1471554720 · 31/08/2023 21:27

To the poster saying it is immature to lie, what do you do when you don't want to give the information???

People tend to work part time or not at all. They pry into what I do in my spare time. As I am 50s, work full time, I spend most of my meagre spare time tidying, cleaning, taking dcs to sport or exercising. I lie about watching tv etc. I don't want to let on that I need to work fulltime and just don't have the time or energy. If I told people exactly how much free time I have and exactly what I do, they would look down on me or pity me.

What is immature about not wanting to be looked down on???

Lostinplaces · 31/08/2023 21:29

I find generally that the people who state that they don’t lie and can’t stand liars are usually the worst culprits! My friend is a good example she claims she can’t lie because of her faith but I’ve caught her on many occasions in a lie. She told me she physically chastises her children because “spare the rod spoil the child” but her children go to the same school as mine and you have to sign a non corporal punishment contract to get them in!

porridgeisbae · 31/08/2023 21:29

@OhHolyMoly Say you're having some other treatment the lady offers (if that'd go down any better with your mum.)

Or if you have to, say you know her through some group you're in or something (but you might have to let the lady know about that one in case your mum asks her about it.)

I would probably go somewhere else for the treatment.

OP posts:
OhHolyMoly · 31/08/2023 21:34

Ok good idea!!

I need to think of something I like that my mum would hate... reiki? Reflexology?

I'm loath to go anywhere else (scared!) but feel like I shouldn't be sneaking around at my age!

CalistoNoSolo · 31/08/2023 22:00

porridgeisbae · 31/08/2023 21:13

If I don't want to tell someone something I don't tell them.

Yes but sometimes you have to say something if asked a question I find. You can hardly like, not reply at all.

When I'm at the hairdressers I lie about where I'm going on holiday, I make it more interesting...I go into so much detail I surprise myself!

Grin Maybe you should write a book.

I can't lie, I simply couldn't remember what I'd said. Would get caught out too easily

I stick to unimaginative stuff and recycle the same ones so I can't go wrong easily. Like, my job is either cleaning or care work (I have done both of these, so it's not difficult to make stuff up about it) and I spend a lot of time playing Pokemon or seeing my friend Fay if I'm in counselling sessions or have some other sort of appointment.

use tricks and tips to get out of things

@something2say ooh, what sort of thing?

I tend to reply why do you need to know that?

I think that'd make for an even more unrelaxing taxi trip. Grin

I'll reply oh. Right. Then still not give them the information. They don't push it.

That's quite cool, I might try that.

I try very hard to never actually lie, because I don’t find it necessary. What I do instead is to use politicians’ tactics of answering a slightly different question to the one asked, or giving a very general answer which could mean anything or nothing.

@BarelyLiterate Ooh interesting. So if someone asked what you did as a a job and you don't have one and don't want to say that, what would you say? Or if you'd been to an appointment you don't want people to know about? It'd definitely help if I could avoid lying, as it's not in line with my values.

Maybe it's my personality but I don't find that randoms ask me personal stuff, and my friends know better. I'm a very private person and loathe beinv subjected to oversharing from anyone else. But if someone did insist on asking me I'd tell them it's none of their business. You absolutely don't have to be polite to nosy people.

Rivergardens · 31/08/2023 22:05

I’m extremely good at changing conversations so I can withhold information if I do not want to share something. So I suppose it’s lying by omission. A good skill is letting others talk which takes the heat off of you. There is also the word play and meaning of what you say. Here is an example of what is not a lie but it’s certainly withholding the truth

There was a conversation just this week regarding moving houses with a friend. We were talking about areas and house types. We were looking at rightmove, I showed them a pic on rightmove of my ideal house. I said when moving this is the sort of house I would like to live in. They replied surely you don’t have that kind of money. Now this is purely semantics but my reply was I do not have that kind of money. Now I do not as an individual but DH and I have separate accounts and I know that between us we could afford that house. It’s technically not a lie but it’s not the whole truth.
.

JustDanceAddict · 31/08/2023 22:10

I lied at work today to make me look less idiotic 😆 it was nothing major but if I’d said the truth my manager would’ve thought - wtf (it didn’t impact anyone else).
i often tell white lies or omit stuff, I think that’s normal isn’t it??

RampantIvy · 31/08/2023 22:21

But presumably you wouldn't tell for instance a taxi driver or some other random person all your private business.

No, but they wouldn't ask in the first place.

They pry into what I do in my spare time. I don't want to let on that I need to work fulltime and just don't have the time or energy. If I told people exactly how much free time I have and exactly what I do, they would look down on me or pity me.

No they wouldn't look down on you or pity you @user1471554720. People don't think like that. You must know some weird people.*

Maybe it's my personality but I don't find that randoms ask me personal stuff, and my friends know better.

Same here @CalistoNoSolo.

Thepossibility · 31/08/2023 22:28

I used to a lot more when I was a more insecure person. I try not to now because it feels a bit yuck and I'm trying to be authentically myself. A little white fib to spare someone else's feelings is ok though.