How much do you hide the truth/lie?

[porridgeisbae]

Just that really.

I find there are often things I feel I have to lie about- for instance if I have an appointment and I don't want the person I'm talking to to know I have an appointment for something.

Or if someone pries into my life (I don't work due to bipolar but I wouldn't say that to most people, so I feel I have to make something up.)

At the start of the thread I was going to ask what sort of lies you are talking about, ad tact and diplomacy can be considered lies, or can be considered 'being nice'.
But I am quite concerned about why you would want to lie to the extent of all your examples in your post at 21:13

So no, I don't lie in that way, and find it quite odd that anyone does.
Work - why not just say "I'm not working at the moment" then ask something yourself, to shut down follow up questions.
Holiday - why not just say "I've not got anything booked" or "Can't afford the huge hike in prices since Covid" or "Haven't made any plans yet" ? Again, you can deflect by asking where they have been / are going.

I don't tend to lie however I also wouldn't allow personal questions to be asked by those I wouldn't want to answer.

There are lots of methods to avoid answering a question you don't want to, it could be intentionally misinterpreting a question to bend it to where you want to be, or simply not answering by changing the subject or explaining you would rather not answer etc.

Honestly there are lots of ways to deflect a question ypu don't want to answer, look at politics it's constantly deployed!

Hate lying or catching a person out as a lier one lie and I won't trust you again. I have bp disorder also and I'm not ashamed to say about it if it comes up which is very rare tbh

OK, I'm a bit of a blurter and wouldn't necessarily encourage anyone to be like me. But I'm really saddened by the number of PPs going out of their way to conceal personal information they consider 'shameful' somehow.

Yeah, if you spent the last five years in prison for ABH or are a secret agent, there's good reason to change your story and I'm sure you have it down to a fine art. But being afraid to share about illness or constrained finances? I think this prevents closer communication and hampers relationships.

Years ago, I was off work for months with a nervous breakdown. It was a viciously competitive, rather macho workplace and I did feel my problem was a 'weakness', largely because my managers said so. Colleagues, naturally, asked me what was going on and was I all better now. After fudging for a day or so, I thought fuck this, it's ridiculous. So I started telling people.

It was amazing. Loads of colleagues had either been through something similar or their friends/family had had breakdowns. More than half the department was on antidepressants, and several were also in counselling. It created a whole new level of friendship.

I tell a lot of 'social' white lies while also being very uncomfortable with what I think of as proper lies. We have three very young kids and I don't think I could make it work if we didn't. For example, kids had three tummy bugs in three weeks. I told work one of them was an ear infection. It just felt so implausible to say 'actually no, they are vomming again. On a Monday morning. New bug, same symptoms, miraculously developed over a weekend AGAIN'. Or when my husband asked about a scrape on my car. Yes, it did actually happen months ago when I have just miscornered very slightly against the railings in a ridiculously tight local car park and he had forgotten. But also, I may have done it again.

Lying when lies feel more plausible than the truth 😅

I can't say I have never lied I don't think a human on the planet can say that, white lies, stretching the truth, some stories we tell children it is still lying

But generally no I don't lie, I don't see a need if I have an appointment I have an appointment I don't need to lie about it I don't care what people think of me

There are lots of methods to avoid answering a question you don't want to,

^ That. Omitting info, deflecting, giving partial info, factual tangential observation, asking a question back, "complicated and no time to talk about it right now". So many ways...

I am pathologically honest. And it does me no favours sometimes. I don't mean I'm one of those awful insensitive people who is horrible in the name of 'telling it like it is' I mean I'm the type of person who would tell my deepest feelings to a total stranger on a bus.
I can't seem to help it. Sadly caught in the trap of really wanting to be known.

@GarlicGrace well done.

OP, I don't give a damn what someone thinks about my employment situation. I've been stuck on a pension as my mother's carer for six years, and the only time anyone's opinion will matter is if I have to start job hunting again. Why should you, or anyone, lie to appease snobs? That sounds like what you've done. Granted you're in a village, so the dynamics are different from what I've ever known (suburbs of major Australian cities, mostly) but there's nothing I feel the need to lie about.

I'm a Christian so I never lie. Well, I say never! Sometimes if I'm on the spot and have been asked a tricky question, I have been known to blurt out a white lie before I've had a chance to stop myself. But I would never deliberately tell a lie, including a white lie. I am very diplomatic and I can speak the truth in love, as Scripture says.

Aside from the fact the lying goes against God and I don't want to do it, it's my pet peeve. I have someone in my life who lies about everything. I always end up catching her out somehow. I never challenge her on it but I don't believe anything she tells me now.

Lying is a cowardly act, generally. I am NOT a 'I tell it like it is' kind of person but I do like to examine why I feel tempted to lie about something.

Is it to save someones feelings? Well ifbtheyre asking me, they probably want the truth and I can answer kindly.

Is it to sound more interesting/cool/intelligent etc? In thay case, I need to work on not caluing the opinion of others so much, and also use it as a motivation to make what I want to lie about a reality.

Is it because id be in trouble if I tell the truth? If I've done something wrong, I need to face it, own up to it and start repauring rhe situation asap.

I do have certain areas of my life that I'm very sensitive about and would rather people didn't know (things from my past). Deflecting a question or having a vague answer can be effective ways of not having to explicitly tell the truth without lying. It's also OK to tell people that a matter is private.

The only exception I can see, is when someone's life is in danger and they need to conceal the truth to stay alive or manage in an abusive relationship. I'm sure there are other extreme exceptions, but 99% of the time I aim to stay truthful but always kindly.

Being forced to live a truthful life changes your character. Since I started doing this, I've become less likely to do things which require a lie in the first place and I've had to face some unpleasant prideful, competitive aspects of my nature which made me prone to exaggeration in the past.

I hid behind alcohol when I drank, and when I stopped drinking, I had to develop my character in the absence of my safety net. I feel the same with lying.

That's inspiring, @Darkdiamond

Gosh, it's very difficult at times. Sometimes a little white lie would make everything so much easier in the short term, and I do feel tempted! But to actually say something that wasn't true would feel very alien and wrong to me now. I think lying actually robs people of a lot of opportunities to face their reality and ultimately make their lives better. Some people say to me 'you're too honest for your own good' and I always think, no, I am honest for my own good! Trying to live a life in which I would happily answer any questions about my conduct, truthfully, brings a lot of blessings. I would be happy if I was remembered for being an honest, upstanding and trustworthy person. When you lie, you create a false life and can't properly enjoy the one you have.

I see giving out information in two categories: none of your business, or directly impacts your life. If it’s none of your business it’s not morally wrong to keep that info from you, as you have no right to it. But if it does affect you, then yeah holding back the truth is wrong, and definitely a lie. But also, if it does involve someone I’m intimate with, or in a close relationship, a lie is more an act of betrayal. Pretty much anyone I’m not close to goes into the ‘none of your business’ category.

I really hope that this thread is not indicative of real life. But I fear it is and probably explains why I still find it difficult sometimes to engage with English people after 20 years of living here.

I just don't get it. I mean, half the lies people talk about on here are so unnecessary - why on earth would people look down on you if you aren't working etc? And the other half are unnecessary - don't want to say why you have a private appointment in the diary just say, "that's a private appointment".

In my working life I have often been frustrated by feeling like people don't believe me when I say something and this thread explains that a lot.

Being tactful, changing the subject, omitting certain information is one thing but actual lying is so unnecessary.

I wonder if some is seen as politeness:
A) oh, what are you doing tomorrow morning? Something nice I hope
B) No, not really that nice..
A) Sorry to hear that, what is it?
B) Its private!
A) <immediately feels really awkward, then annoyed because he feels uncomfortable, but still cant help being intrigued>
or
B) Just the dentist
A) <puts conversation into the boring-stuff-at-work box in his head and moves on>