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AIBU?

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Original poster

Children touching things in charity shops

108 replies

Nih · 30/08/2023 19:10

I took my children charity shopping today, we went to a different area, it's an "affluent" area according to google. Dulwich.

The DC like to pick up and have a proper look at the toys they're interested in buying which I don't think is unreasonable. How else would you know whether something works?

DD (4) liked the look of a spinning top and wanted to see what it did. Before she even had chance to push the lever down she was told off by the woman behind the till because "those toys are to be sold, not played with"

We put it back and left the shop so they lost that sale.

5 minutes down the road we had another frosty reception at another charity shop.

AIBU to think the children did nothing wrong and it's perfectly acceptable to handle and even try out toys in charity shops? Obviously not opening packaging etc but loose things on shelves.

It all felt very snob-like.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nih · 30/08/2023 23:59

anotherthrowawayname · 30/08/2023 23:19

@Nih I suggest you report this thread as you've managed to dox yourself, and you haven't painted yourself in the best of lights.

As a point of information, most charity shops work on the model that the manager is a paid employee and everyone else is a volunteer. It sounds like you are, therefore, complaining about a woman who has given up her own free time to support a mental health charity simply because you thought your children should be allowed to do whatever they wanted.

Perhaps the unpaid volunteer could have phrased her request differently. Maybe the choice of words was slightly awkward. But perhaps she was taken aback by your children picking up the goods and worried they might break them, making them unsellable and losing money for a cause that really mattered to her. Rather than consider this might be the case, you wrote a one-star review, shaming the volunteer you didn't like. Your action is all the more questionable given the shop was to fundraise for a mental health charity, and it's entirely possible the volunteer had anxiety (volunteers are drawn to charities that have personal meaning for them).

And people wonder why charities struggle to find enough volunteers...

You said you would have paid if your DC had broken the toy. How was she to know?

I've volunteered in a charity shop myself. People break things. People steal things. Just because it's a charity shop doesn't mean people will somehow be extra decent and/or be able to afford to pay for damages. It's far safer to politely ask all customers to be careful and to keep an eye out for unsupervised children.

I wouldn't have named the shop if I was worried about that. I NC regularly on MN and I haven't said anything that I'm not happy to put my name to IRL.

Yes I am complaining about a woman who has likely given up her time for free to raise money for charity, because that woman was rude to my 4 year old child.

Who does that? To a small child fgs.

Does giving up her free time mean she has carte blanche to treat paying customers poorly? Why is that? You've read the reviews, I'm not the only person taking issue with our treatment in the shop.

Not everybody bothers to write a review, can you imagine how many people left feeling disappointed or annoyed with the rudeness and didn't bother to leave a review.

If she was worried about damage she could have asked her to be careful or asked me to show it to her instead. If handling items is really that much of a problem she should have atleast had the decency to be polite.

Let's not forget however that it was a plastic and metal spinning top we're talking about.. not a Murano glass vase 🙄

The next time I'm having a bad day ill pop along to my local Sue Ryder and ask to volunteer, then I can be an absolute arse customers. That's ok isn't it? I'm giving up my free time remember..

OP posts:
Original poster
Nih · 31/08/2023 00:01

Arse to customers, rather.

OP posts:
TurquoiseDress · 31/08/2023 00:30

YANBU

We are further out than Dulwich but still SE London, luckily our charity shops in the local high street are generally great.

The DC love going in and checking out the toys, not breaking them/running wild, just holding/playing/examining them and weighing up whether they want to spend some of their pocket/birthday money.

Blackheath village is not a million miles from us, some v nice stuff in their charity shops but v pricey! Never taken the kids tho so can't comment on toys and staff reaction towards this.

Dulwich and Blackheath (village) given me the same vibes IYKWIM

LuvSmallDogs · 31/08/2023 00:57

I often let my kids have a rummage through the cheapie toys at the charity shop, and a little play with them is a good way of turning up a broken mechanism. As long as they're playing with them reasonably, there's no harm.

I also let them hold packaged toys etc in normal shops to have a look - I used to work retail, so it's drilled into them to put things back where they go and not make more work for the men and ladies.

I think my parenting works fine in this regard, as DH and I have both been told by the staff of our local corner shop that DS1 is the most polite out of the local kids who go to the shop by themselves and he always says please and thank you.

anotherthrowawayname · 31/08/2023 01:15

Nih · 30/08/2023 23:59

I wouldn't have named the shop if I was worried about that. I NC regularly on MN and I haven't said anything that I'm not happy to put my name to IRL.

Yes I am complaining about a woman who has likely given up her time for free to raise money for charity, because that woman was rude to my 4 year old child.

Who does that? To a small child fgs.

Does giving up her free time mean she has carte blanche to treat paying customers poorly? Why is that? You've read the reviews, I'm not the only person taking issue with our treatment in the shop.

Not everybody bothers to write a review, can you imagine how many people left feeling disappointed or annoyed with the rudeness and didn't bother to leave a review.

If she was worried about damage she could have asked her to be careful or asked me to show it to her instead. If handling items is really that much of a problem she should have atleast had the decency to be polite.

Let's not forget however that it was a plastic and metal spinning top we're talking about.. not a Murano glass vase 🙄

The next time I'm having a bad day ill pop along to my local Sue Ryder and ask to volunteer, then I can be an absolute arse customers. That's ok isn't it? I'm giving up my free time remember..

Show quote history

I'm not convinced she was rude or treated you poorly, TBH. And that's based on reading your biased account, not even the volunteer's side for balance.

Your comments suggesting that the toy in question was only a spinning top and not a valuable ornament indicate that you decided it was OK for your child to potentially make an item unsellable because it wasn't worth very much in your opinion to start with.

Sure, maybe it wasn't worth much, but that attitude shows a lack of respect.

I'm not sure why you couldn't have acknowledged the volunteer's request, told your child to not touch the items on display, and continued shopping.

I refer you to the post by @KatesBush1980. Your child didn't break the toy, but she could have been about to. Accidents do happen, and they tend to happen more often than not when it is a child touching things rather than an adult. You may know that your child is as graceful as a gazelle and wouldn't accidentally break something, but the volunteer hadn't met her before. She wasn't unreasonable to worry.

Twopintsprick81 · 31/08/2023 01:15

Sorry, I haven't bothered to read the whole thread but YANBU in any way, shape or form. I've been in charity shops before and opened games to make sure all the bits are there (I know, I know) and nobody batted an eyelid. Of course kid's are going to want to play with the toys a bit to see if they like them before purchasing. I don't blame you for walking out and deciding to spend your money elsewhere.

Twopintsprick81 · 31/08/2023 01:19

Just to clarify, the games weren't sealed or anything..i just took the lid off to count the bits. Probably looked like a bit of a freak but no point in buying a board game if half the bits are missing!!

mondaytosunday · 31/08/2023 01:46

My daughter (18) loves charity shops. But was just saying last night how if you ask anyone for help they act like it's the biggest deal! Ditto for librarians - she actually got the big sigh snd eye roll when she asked for help checking out a book. It was a reference book (which is why it didn't scan) so he sent her to the front desk where, yep, she got another heavy sigh and grimace. Isn't helping people with books kinda the definition of a librarian?
You try on outfits at shops, so why not try out a toy?

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 31/08/2023 01:48

Amazed at the idea kids don't try toys in "normal" shops - toys literally have test functions so that people can "play" with them before buying them!

And adults touch, and break, things in shops all the time.

She was BU, she didn't even give your child chance to show whether she would be a problem or not. Some things need catching before it becomes a problem but this should have been a case of "watch for a moment and then step in if it looks like they are going to be silly"

Oh, and it's literally stuff they get for free. There's plenty more where it came from because people are always clearing out (various local ones here will stop collecting items at times because they get so much, our more Green focused world means people don't throw away as much)

ClaraBourne · 31/08/2023 01:48

It isn't you, it isn't your kids. It is Dulwich (and East Dulwich where I imagine the shop was).

Full of show off mummys and I Imagine they wold have shouted 'Tarquin, leave that alone, it's for the poor kiddies who have come over the border from Peckam' whilst hastily trawling through looking for Instagram worthy vintage gems.

gherkeen · 31/08/2023 01:52

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 30/08/2023 19:21

In a shop that's got the toys packaged, they wouldn't be able to play with them first

You expect new packaged toys to work. Second hand ones need a quick test. I'd understand if they played with everything for ages but a test is fair

Carouselfish · 31/08/2023 02:02

I'm on your side op as long as they weren't being rough with it.
Reminds me of a market stall in a very full of itself town (which is ironically really rough at night) where my mum picked up and looked at a painted stool for a child. The woman told her not to touch it unless she was buying it! Telling a 60 year old who is lovely, kind, polite and wouldn't dream of being rude, something like that! She lost the sale of course (and I went to see her at her stall the next week, incensed and told her how appalling her behaviour and attitude was in a five minute long tirade. Not great at standing up for myself, but be rude to my mum and I find ALL the right put-downs.)

WiddlinDiddlin · 31/08/2023 03:25

I'm 43 and if I buy stuff in a charity shop and can test it there and then, I do - so yes if I were buying a toy for someone (or for myself, I sometimes buy certain vintage kids toys), I would absolutely check it first. If I was told not to I'd certainly not be buying from there. I flick through books to to check they're not damaged!

Chazzers in my area are pretty high end... I mean they even leave the basket of knitting needles out for you to rummage through - still fine!

As long as kids are 'seeing if it works/is fun/they like it'.. then I can't see a problem. Sure if they're chucking stuff about and being silly, but it doesn't sound as if they were.

mathanxiety · 31/08/2023 04:12

YANBU - of course you should be able to try things that are supposed to work a certain way in a charity shop. I'd draw a line at doing jigsaw puzzles, but anything mechanical, yes, they should have let your children have a go.

elifont · 31/08/2023 04:37

Of a toy can't stand being played with then it should be binned. Obviously you don't let kids disrespect items but not being allowed to touch at all is ridiculous.

RedHelenB · 31/08/2023 05:07

AvengedQuince · 30/08/2023 21:50

How do you show how it works without touching it?

Show quote history

As I said, an adult could show them. Do you just let your small children take stuff off the shelves in shops? Mine never did, or if they tried to were told no, not to touch. Different when they were older or more careful.

RedHelenB · 31/08/2023 05:09

RobertaFirmino · 30/08/2023 20:01

Now to be fair, it is perfectly possible for children to touch without making a nuisance of themselves. Often needs parental input though.

Show quote history

True.

ASimpleLampoon · 31/08/2023 05:14

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 30/08/2023 19:21

In a shop that's got the toys packaged, they wouldn't be able to play with them first

in toy shops there is usually A display item to test out though? And often staff demonstrate some toys and let kids have a go?

budgetingnovice1993 · 31/08/2023 05:22

AffIt · 30/08/2023 22:25

There's a charity shop not far from me (southside of Glasgow - if you're familiar with the area, I'm sure you'll have drawn your own conclusions) that seems to think it's a Selfridge's franchise.

I'm a reasonably not-awful-looking middle-aged professional woman and it's not often I get followed round shops as though I'm a professional shoplifter, but I do in this one.

I'm astonished that they've got any customers at the rate they chase them out the door.

Is it in Shawlands or Victoria road?

budgetingnovice1993 · 31/08/2023 05:30

Did you delete your review?

AvengedQuince · 31/08/2023 05:56

RedHelenB · 31/08/2023 05:07

As I said, an adult could show them. Do you just let your small children take stuff off the shelves in shops? Mine never did, or if they tried to were told no, not to touch. Different when they were older or more careful.

Show quote history

Then the adult would be touching it

AvengedQuince · 31/08/2023 06:00

And yes, mine touched things, from about age 3 when he could be trusted if it was on a shelf. Younger if it was a toddler toy just in a basket or in a toy area on the floor as it obviously wasn't breakable.

HoliHormonalTigerLillyTheSecond · 31/08/2023 06:20

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 30/08/2023 19:21

In a shop that's got the toys packaged, they wouldn't be able to play with them first

But these are second hand toys. Nit packaged 🙄

AvengedQuince · 31/08/2023 06:44

Packaging tells you what the toy does, you know it works, it says which batteries it takes. A second hand toy you do need to check.

Clafoutie · 31/08/2023 06:47

gogomoto · 30/08/2023 20:24

I work in one, whilst we do let kids touch things, unfortunately parents use us like a stay and play and tong clear up after their kids, it's a nightmare. We've taken to sealing things with cling film if they have multiple parts. Then there's the removing from sets and hiding the toy elsewhere in the store. If parents actually intervened and stopped their children making a mess then volunteers may be kinder

I agree. Some (obviously not all) parents seem to see it as a play area where they can leave their kids while they go off to look at something else. As others with experience of this have said, this can lead to trip hazards etc, and is unfair on the volunteers having to supervise it. If a parent is looking at the toys together with their child, and taking care not to leave a mess, then it would not seem unreasonable to touch and look at the toys. As always, so much depends on parenting.

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