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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children touching things in charity shops

108 replies

Nih · 30/08/2023 19:10

I took my children charity shopping today, we went to a different area, it's an "affluent" area according to google. Dulwich.

The DC like to pick up and have a proper look at the toys they're interested in buying which I don't think is unreasonable. How else would you know whether something works?

DD (4) liked the look of a spinning top and wanted to see what it did. Before she even had chance to push the lever down she was told off by the woman behind the till because "those toys are to be sold, not played with"

We put it back and left the shop so they lost that sale.

5 minutes down the road we had another frosty reception at another charity shop.

AIBU to think the children did nothing wrong and it's perfectly acceptable to handle and even try out toys in charity shops? Obviously not opening packaging etc but loose things on shelves.

It all felt very snob-like.

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 30/08/2023 21:22

KnobbingtonKnobberson · 30/08/2023 19:45

some charity shop staff have a tendency to treat the shop like their own personal fiefdom. they can be a bit much.

😆 So true!

Leah5678 · 30/08/2023 21:22

QueenCamilla · 30/08/2023 20:52

if everyone let their kids touch things they'd all be broken/trashed/covered in snot and dribble.

I think you'd find that most children's toys in charity shops have been through that many times already and by multiple generations sometimes 😁
Do you even shop in charity shops if any sort of washable snot bothers you?!
I mean multiple human (and probably animal) arses have sat on my second-hand Duresta sofa... 🤔

A friendly tip: avoid M&S (new) underwear if dribble is bothersome. There's some weird stuff that goes on in their unisex changing rooms.

Tbh ancient dirt and snot doesn't bother me. It's the live kind I don't want sorry but kids carry a ton of germs and if 20 kids have sneezed or blown their nose on the item in question within the 24 hours before I pick it up that's when there's a problem. I know I know I know it's the same for bus stops Door handles and pretty much everywhere but my dad would of lost his shit if I ever touched anything in a shop. I appreciate the tip although there's no m and s within about thirty miles radius from me I'll remember it if I'm ever in another town and need new knickers though

ThelmaBorden · 30/08/2023 21:36

East Dulwich not Dulwich - Mind manager is kind hearted, teflon,
been there for years and we all love him

AcclimDD · 30/08/2023 21:40

Manners matter OP, you and your children sound rude. Be a role model and teach your children to look, not touch going forward.

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 30/08/2023 21:43

We live opposite a lovely charity shop, a few meters from a primary school. They are very child friendly and encourage the children to try the toys or look at the books. I think it’s a good sales approach as it’s very popular! My kids often want to visit and we always find something we love.

WillowCraft · 30/08/2023 21:45

If kids toys are broken that easily they aren't fit for purpose. Toys should withstand many hours of play, not break after 5 minutes!

Lavender14 · 30/08/2023 21:45

Charity shops are often staffed by volunteers, many of which are in some way vulnerable or a bit lonely and its a way to get out and meet people. So sometimes you can come across people who don't have the social skills you'd expect in a retail setting. You're not being unreasonable and you shouldn't have been spoken to that way but I think it's part of the challenge of the voluntary sector.

towriteyoumustlive · 30/08/2023 21:49

My local charity shop literally encourages the kids to go and play with the toys so I can then look at the grown up stuff!

Then pester power usually results in me buying lots of stuff 🤣🤣

AvengedQuince · 30/08/2023 21:50

RedHelenB · 30/08/2023 19:59

No. You should have explained or shown how it works. Children should look and not touch just like any other shop. Yabu.

Show quote history

How do you show how it works without touching it?

WandaWonder · 30/08/2023 21:54

The snob thing makes me think you are the one with the issues regardless of what people think was right or wrong with the situation in the first place

AvengedQuince · 30/08/2023 21:54

I don't see how you look without touching in a shop unless it is objects carefully displayed so you can clearly see them and the price. Most things you do have to touch!

fedupnow2 · 30/08/2023 21:57

Yanbu, I went into one recently because I saw one of those expensive toys that my dd might like and possibly outgrow very quickly too. I lifted the lid off and it was filthy inside. Imagine if I bought it and only allowed to look at it after purchased. What a hassle to return and then you look like a miser returning to the store.

Original poster
Nih · 30/08/2023 22:14

AcclimDD · 30/08/2023 21:40

Manners matter OP, you and your children sound rude. Be a role model and teach your children to look, not touch going forward.

You're calling a 4 year old child rude for wanting to pick up a toy they wanted to spend their pocket money on? Don't be such a moron.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nih · 30/08/2023 22:16

ThelmaBorden · 30/08/2023 21:36

East Dulwich not Dulwich - Mind manager is kind hearted, teflon,
been there for years and we all love him

You can speak for yourself of course but clearly that isn't the case for all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nih · 30/08/2023 22:18

@AcclimDD Perhaps take your own advice and request permission to pick up each individual item you plan to buy during your next shop.

I can't cope with the things some of you lot come out with. You're so out of touch with the real world it's actually pretty concerning.

OP posts:
saraclara · 30/08/2023 22:20

QueenCamilla · 30/08/2023 20:40

YANBU.

What sense does it even make that I can try on a dress or ten but my DS can't open a children's book or "run" a plastic horse on the shelf. It does suck to be a child. 🤷

That. This thread is bonkers.

I took my DGD into a charity shop the other day, and yes, she picked up toys to look at them and choose a little treat from Grandma. I didn't let her mishandle them (or wouldn't have if she'd tried to) or let her drop them, or let people trip over them.

What she did was absolutely no different from me handling the clothes to feel the fabric or check for tears etc.

AffIt · 30/08/2023 22:25

There's a charity shop not far from me (southside of Glasgow - if you're familiar with the area, I'm sure you'll have drawn your own conclusions) that seems to think it's a Selfridge's franchise.

I'm a reasonably not-awful-looking middle-aged professional woman and it's not often I get followed round shops as though I'm a professional shoplifter, but I do in this one.

I'm astonished that they've got any customers at the rate they chase them out the door.

saraclara · 30/08/2023 22:26

To be fair @Nih a couple of weeks ago, on holiday, DD, DGD and I went into a charity shop in a very posh Cotswold town, intending to look at the toys. But there weren't any.
The extremely well spoken lady who ran the shop heard us saying to DGD that, 'sorry, there aren't any toys in this one' and she was SO lovely! She apologised to us profusely and chatted in a really sweet way to 3 year old DGD. She said that the charity had recently decided that 'her' shop would be 'boutique style'. She clearly wasn't impressed, and would much rather have been able to sell DGD a toy! So not every posh area has snobby volunteers!

Mumguilt19 · 30/08/2023 22:31

I have a good feeling I know the one you're talking about if it's Shawlands. I have lived in the southside for years and there is one shop that acts just like that. Some of the ones in the west end are just as bad!

Mumguilt19 · 30/08/2023 22:32

Sorry that reply was for @AffIt

AffIt · 30/08/2023 22:56

Mumguilt19 · 30/08/2023 22:31

I have a good feeling I know the one you're talking about if it's Shawlands. I have lived in the southside for years and there is one shop that acts just like that. Some of the ones in the west end are just as bad!

I think we're talking about the same one!

anotherthrowawayname · 30/08/2023 23:19

@Nih I suggest you report this thread as you've managed to dox yourself, and you haven't painted yourself in the best of lights.

As a point of information, most charity shops work on the model that the manager is a paid employee and everyone else is a volunteer. It sounds like you are, therefore, complaining about a woman who has given up her own free time to support a mental health charity simply because you thought your children should be allowed to do whatever they wanted.

Perhaps the unpaid volunteer could have phrased her request differently. Maybe the choice of words was slightly awkward. But perhaps she was taken aback by your children picking up the goods and worried they might break them, making them unsellable and losing money for a cause that really mattered to her. Rather than consider this might be the case, you wrote a one-star review, shaming the volunteer you didn't like. Your action is all the more questionable given the shop was to fundraise for a mental health charity, and it's entirely possible the volunteer had anxiety (volunteers are drawn to charities that have personal meaning for them).

And people wonder why charities struggle to find enough volunteers...

You said you would have paid if your DC had broken the toy. How was she to know?

I've volunteered in a charity shop myself. People break things. People steal things. Just because it's a charity shop doesn't mean people will somehow be extra decent and/or be able to afford to pay for damages. It's far safer to politely ask all customers to be careful and to keep an eye out for unsupervised children.

Thehippowife · 30/08/2023 23:36

A charity shop worker tried to charge me £15 for a small plastic doll. I was so shocked , I couldn’t believe it. I was trying to buy a doll for a child that was in shock after a horrible event, as a distraction and befriending tool. £15!! It was given to them free by someone trying to help charity and this is what happened. I’ll never buy from that shop ever again now after that. It was pure greed. I went to Argos and got a brand new one for about £6.

KatesBush1980 · 30/08/2023 23:42

I manage a charity shop, every single day we have to throw toys away that have been donated to us with the intention of raising money for our charity, because parents have turned a blind eye to their children destroying the toys whilst they spend half an hour browsing in peace.
Every week hours of precious volunteer time is taken up tidying and cleaning toys that have been spread across the shop and abandoned.
At this point in the summer holidays we are sick and tired of it.

10HailMarys · 30/08/2023 23:59

YANBU. It is perfectly normal and acceptable for a child to pick something up and look at it/see what it does before they decide whether to buy it, in exactly the same way that any adult would. Of course people shouldn’t let children trash things or sit in the middle of the shop getting in the way, but that is very obviously not what you were doing.