To ask you what you wish you did before having a baby

[chunkychunks]

Hi, I'm due with my first in January 😃

Inspired by a tik tok I saw I'm trying to compile a list of things to do for myself / with my husband before the baby comes whilst I / we have the opportunity.

I'm really excited for the baby but I'm aware this is it now and I'm never going to have this time back!

So far I have

1. go to the cinema (we met in covid and haven't actually got round to going to the cinema together yet 😂)
2. go for a long country walk then to a nice pub for a Sunday roast
3. do the long Windsor walk
4. go for a massage (I have a voucher I got as a birthday present)

I live in the east of England , work from home 8-4 Monday to Friday if that gives you an idea of my restrictions. I have about 2 weeks annual leave to use. My budget is relatively small but we could prob stretch to one trip abroad .

Is there anything you made sure you did / wish you did before the baby came?

If you can go somewhere with just your husband and both of you spend time together. That honestly is what I miss the most. I found I can go out without him and him without me but time together is very very rare and precious. The more you see and recognise each other as people and how much you love each other the easier it is not to kill them in the early hours when neither of you has managed to sleep properly for days/ weeks on end 😅. Hopefully your baby sleeps better than mine and you have a bit more help/babysitting though! xxx

I'd say it's the little things really like having a long lazy lie in on a weekend, bingeing a Netflix series and eating Deliveroo. Or just leaving the house with zero planning and having an aimless mooch around your local town/city, looking round the shops, having a long lunch. Sitting in a comfy chair and reading for as long as you want. Etc etc. Enjoy! And congrats on your pregnancy!

Sleep hahahahahaha

Weekends away. Not necessarily expensive, just impromptu trips for just the two of us. Going out for dinner.

See Coldplay live when I was 20 weeks pregnant (it was brilliant). As pp we did lots of meals out & weekends away.

Definitely go on holiday abroad if you can. It is so much less fun going with young children when you are stuck with their timings and lack of attention. I really miss holidays where I would spend the first half sightseeing (esp visiting art galleries or walking tours) followed by a beach break where I could read a book for more than 10 minutes without interruption!

Honestly from my own experiences I would say make the most of just the two of you

Enjoy meals out together in peace and quiet because once the baby arrives and is older like toddler you miss those times of being able to sit and eat your food in Peace and be able to hold a conversation with one another.

When they are babies it's still doable when they nap so I didn't find the newborn young baby stage that difficult because of the naps my two were fairly easy in that regards toddler years were more nightmare.

Enjoy a movie or two together.

I would have a relaxing spa closer to your due date one last pamper for you before baby comes.

Also enjoy those lazy mornings and long lazy snoozes in the day time.

Go out with your friends for a coffee or meal out.

One thing I took for granted before DCs was being able to just go out at last minute without having to plan and pack accordingly. I missed those days of just us two making last min decision to go out for a meal cinema or day out.

You can do 1-3 on your list with a baby. Some cinemas even do mum and baby showings. When they get older and wriggly it is an issue though.

Any evening activity becomes more difficult post baby. Nice meal in a restaurant, pubs, theatre, concerts, classes. Also going to the gym or for a swim.

Also any holiday or city break without kids activities.

Newborns are quite portable and sleep a lot. If you breastfeed you can be out all day without having to worry about making up bottles too. Its when they get more mobile that things get harder imo but certainly long walks are possible with prams and carriers. My kids have always been happy mooching about round town or the shops. Babies like to watch the world from their prams (or just sleep) and older kids are quite happy just pootling about and seeing new things.

Quality time and memories as a couple is the main thing.

For me, I always wanted to do a blowout trip before having our daughter while we had more disposable income. Ended up having an amazing trip to Canada and I remember every detail of it fondly.

While I'm not saying to do that, you can make some fantastic memories as a couple close to home without spending much. Are there any places nearby/short drive you would just want to wander around and explore? Sometimes it's nice to visit a completely new location to explore, have a leisurely pub lunch and just talk with your partner.

I made sure I had a haircut before DD arrived. Go to a nice hairdresser where they give you a head massage too!

Meals out in a nice restaurant is a good call.

These completely change once you have a small child. Now it's Wetherspoons, giraffe or nandos eaten in a hurry!

Stay in a luxury hotel and eat out in nice restaurants. Enjoy being able to actually take your time having a nice meal or coffee. Meals out and trips away definetly change when babies come along. We had quite a few drunken weekends/holidays/nights out before having babies (obviously you're a bit late for that haha) but so glad we did, feel like that's something we'll never do again in the same way.
I wouldn't worry so much about the walks, I walked a lot when DD was a baby with her in a wrap/carrier or the buggy as she got bigger.

This !
Walks and lunches out are still possible and easy with a baby.
I agree with the cinema though. It was years before I got to see a film on the big screen again .

TBH: I think having a tiny baby is so restrictive that you can have been everywhere in the world and still feel absolutely stir crazy when they come along. I would just make the most of the freedom you have.

But I would hate to have had kids really young (in my 20s). I would have felt such massive FOMO. So glad I waited.

I mean, you can do the cinema (baby screening), walk, pub etc with a baby, you're not housebound! I'd have a very serious discussion about finances, division of household/baby related tasks, managing work, childcare once you return to work. Not fun but better to discuss whilst you have time and are not knackered. I'm glad we lived abroad and travelled, but I fully intend on repeating that with my kids.

Drink a cup of tea before it goes cold.

You can definitely do 2 and 3 when baby arrives! All we do is go on long walks and to out for food! We had a baby that was chilled in restaurants though.
My advice would be have a romantic weekend away if you can afford it. Having a baby kills any romance!
And have a nice lie in at the weekend both of you. You can never both have a lie in at the same time again because one of you will always have to be up with the baby.
And do all th beauty things like a good haircut and dye, nails done, nice long bath. As those things become a luxury!

Make the most of evening activities. We took ours out and about until he was 4/5months old, then I started to get him into a stricter bedtime routine and poof, evenings out were gone. Unless you get a sitter of course.

I miss finishing work and saying dyu fancy a quick pint before dinner and we just head out to the pub at 6ish and have a drink.

Me and my husband were bikers ( motorcycles) and l was still riding mine until 8 months pregnant. When l was 5 months we toured Europe/ camping on the bike.. 8 countries..
But l think spending time together virtually doing anything is time well spent.
We went swimming.
Country walking.
Visiting other cities especially historic ones like York/ Bath/ Chester.
But apart from the motorcycling after the baby ( for me) .. we did everything else with our baby.

You can do most of them when the baby comes - in fact you’ll find walks/coffee/lunch out becomes your social life between 1-4 I’d say. Your life isn’t over it’s just a different life.

We went on a plush holiday in the med to a luxury adults only hotel - would recommend that

Spur of the moment concert,hotel etc because once you have a kid those can't happen unless you have babysitters at a minutes notice , also lots loud sex because that won't happen again till your kids moved out 😂

Go somewhere that's really tricky with a pushchair/young child. Like Santorini with all the steps

Probably not so useful for you at this point, but... got fit and lost weight. I might have averted the high blood pressure which kicked off in pregnancy and for which I'm still on medication 15 years later!

Congratulations!

I have a DS 4mo

1. Due to previous losses I was too nervous to go on holiday with DH during my pregnancy but now my DS is here I look back and wish I went away

2. My DS sleeps well but I still miss laying in bed in the mornings and DH chatting, chilling. I wish I did that more before DS arrived.

3. Date nights - I miss being able to go out for meals as much with DH.

Basically I miss mine and DH time alone, as much joy as DS has brought us and I am so happy being a mum I always miss our time alone x

Evening activities! Go for dinner and to see a show. Good books and films (I never had the energy to sit through a film once my first arrived). This is a little boring but really sort your admin/declutter etc. The baby’s possessions will end up taking over your house and unless you have people to come and help look after baby you might struggle to find time to get on top of this.

And rest up if it is your first pregnancy. Am about to have my second and there’s no time to rest now I spend all my time wrangling and chasing a sleep-refusing 2 year old around.

I've found that we travel at home and abroad as much as we ever did, but the fancy hotels have now turned into Airbnbs or cheaper hotels with family rooms.

So I say go for a break at a really nice hotel and get breakfast in bed.