To ask you what you wish you did before having a baby

[chunkychunks]

Hi, I'm due with my first in January 😃

Inspired by a tik tok I saw I'm trying to compile a list of things to do for myself / with my husband before the baby comes whilst I / we have the opportunity.

I'm really excited for the baby but I'm aware this is it now and I'm never going to have this time back!

So far I have

1. go to the cinema (we met in covid and haven't actually got round to going to the cinema together yet 😂)
2. go for a long country walk then to a nice pub for a Sunday roast
3. do the long Windsor walk
4. go for a massage (I have a voucher I got as a birthday present)

I live in the east of England , work from home 8-4 Monday to Friday if that gives you an idea of my restrictions. I have about 2 weeks annual leave to use. My budget is relatively small but we could prob stretch to one trip abroad .

Is there anything you made sure you did / wish you did before the baby came?

Savour a hot cup of tea and read a book. It's the little things.

Have a weekend away in a hotel. Get room service together, just be lazy and spend quality time together.

Closer to the due date, make sure the house is clean and tidy and you're on top of the laundry etc.. have petrol in the car. Food in the fridge/freezer. Lots of nappies stored up. Maybe not the sort of advice you were looking for but newborn babies make it difficult to get stuff done so it's best to have a headstart.

Any hobbies you have that require two hands! I had a baby who was pretty low maintenance as long as she was being cuddled or walked in the pram or sling in the first weeks and months, so that meant lots of time where I could listen to audiobooks, have phonecalls or watch TV, but sewing and playing board games where you need to hold cards/move pieces were right out - also reading books of any heft whatsoever.

Go on holiday and relax, lots of lie-ins, going out for dinner, spur of the moment trips to the pub. I miss all of that so much, especially the lie-ins! Life is very very different now we have a toddler! And for what it's worth my one trip to baby cinema was awful and I cried my eyes out on the way home, so it's not always possible to do the cinema with a baby

Yes to all of this

Thank you so much everyone 🥰🥰🥰

For me it would be

1. Spending lots of lazy time with hubby (not the cinema as he is epileptic and I can't be sure of the lighting effects)... meals out, breakfast in bed, mornings when we lie on the sofa and just watch mindless TV
2. A weekend away as just me- doing lots of crafting and learning new skills (I itch to do this but not possible with a 3 year old)
3. Mooching- long Sunday afternoon walks (we do these), then ending up in a pub in front of a crackling fireplace to have a pint and some food and warm up
4. Playing pool darts (again we do some of this but not the same with a toddler shouting mummy mummy)...
5. Going to a lovely spa hotel for the weekend- nice massage, swim etc

Ah, you will definitely be able to do all those things again once the baby is here.

Can’t really think of anything you can’t do as a parent - assuming there is another parent to have the baby. I would say roast/nice restaurant meal with both parents and baby is tricky between maybe 12 weeks old to 3 years old. I LOVED our many paternity leave pub lunches 😍

Definitely go to the cinema, dinners etc.

I’d also go for a coffee somewhere and just watch the world go by.

if I hadn’t given birth during covid I think I’d have tried to go on holiday. Id also have gotten a cleaner in for a one off clean.

Also agree with spending time with your DH. If you have help around you might be lucky to get out on a date night. Unfortunately I’ve not had a date night with my DH since February 2020 and it’s hard going!

When baby arrives I highly recommend you still do things for yourself and get DH to watch the baby, so you can still go for a massage, get your hair done, meet a friend for coffee etc. Don’t fall into the trap of doing all the childcare.

Before baby arrives I’d do things you won’t be able to do as a couple once baby is here (unless you have a babysitter which I’d also recommend at least once a month) things like

Cinema

Relaxing holiday in the sun, read books in peace etc

Spa break with lovely meals (highly recommend Lodore Falls in the lakes)

Lie in together on a weekend

Binge Netflix shows

Cook a meal together

The walks you’ve mentioned can easily be done with a baby

To be fair my 6 month old has been to plenty of pubs/ restaurants, the cinema, the theatre etc! My 3 year old has always been taken to restaurants (except during covid)I think it’s good for them to get use to it. Was only really an issue around the 18month mark.
I miss more the spontaneous things. Like mid week dates to the cinema or dinner. We used to ring each other on the way home sometimes and be like ‘shall we go to x? Ok meet you there in 15!’ The kids are tired after nursery so taking them out midweek would usually lead to a meltdown! Also you are soon to be poorer so make sure you like your wardrobe and makeup etc, ask for nice Christmas presents as other than maybe Xmas and your birthday you are likely to have very little and spend all your money on the baby who will have a much better wardrobe than you that needs changing every 3 months 😂😂. Well this is my experience anyway!!

Lie in together and watch tv box sets.

It's the only thing I slightly miss now we've got our 14 week old DD.

We still have the occasional "lazy Sunday" but obviously you are still on duty 24/7 so can't both just doze for a couple of hours undisturbed.

We are lucky and have a really chilled baby though, we can go out for meals and she'll sleep in her pram etc. she rarely cries, loves her sleep and is a smiley little dream so we did win the baby lottery, I think that helps.

Travel
Weekends away
Lie ins
Meals out
Random nights out

The long walk in Windsor is fine for a buggy so that could be a nice family activity

We went mad before our first going to cinema, to non-child friendly restaurants, multiple overseas holiday and it was lovely. HOWEVER, as someone else has said it was exhausting and I really wish I spent the time being very very lazy. Think all day in PJ's, watching Netflix, long film marathons, a day reading a book or baking a really lengthy bread recipe.

Apart from the newborn stage where I did spend a lot of time watching TV on the sofa I miss these things and look forward to 18 years time when I can do them without again. Even with a newborn it's not the same, you're usually sore, googling some random thing, worried about baby, starting into space, dozing off etc. I would allow yourself to take it super easy and don't feel bad!

Oh and most of our Sundays involve a long dog walk and pub lunch so don't get hung up on that, it's usually the highlight of my week- just get a good carrier!

Although we had plenty of all 3 before children I'd say more sex, more sleep and more holidays.

When I say 'Meals Out' - I mean specifically to restaurants that don't have children's menus &/or give crayons out with the menus

Train yourself to have siestas at strange times of the day! Being able to sleep when the baby slept saved me from sleep deprivation! Agree with your OH that you will take it in turns to have a lie in at the weekend. If you get your sleep, you can deal with anything.

As many others have said, babies are actually very portable and you can still enjoy much of what you always did!

If anyone offers to babysit, say yes! We had family nearby so happy days. We also used to take it in turns with mum friends to babysit.

Holidays are probably the trickiest thing when they are little. We still went but it did change! We had ours close together though so after a couple of busy years we got our lives back very quickly!

Had lots of conversations setting out ground rules and expectations about how responsibilities would be shared and what we would do to keep sane.

Get to know him first!!- I got pregnant at 18 - 3 months after meeting him and we had a shotgun wedding (pushed by our parents back in 1985) - it lasted 16 yrs and had 2 more DC after that so not all bad, I grew up, and he grew old.... Now at 56 my' DC' are 38, 35 +30!.

I had the standard cinema, meal out, time together with husband in my list too. I also had having a haircut, and reading allllllll the books. I had loads of time post birth to watch TV, but it was hard to read a book one handed.

Try to make sure you don't save all of it for maternity leave like I did btw. I had had a perfectly uneventful pregnancy, and my last day of work was going to be 36+2. But then pre-eclampsia was picked up at a midwife appointment at 36+0 and I was admitted to hospital the following day... I didn't get to do anything on my list, never mind all the baby prep, meal prep, and most importantly of all, the hospital bag prep I had also planned for maternity leave. I'm still slightly bitter about it, and was much more proactive about getting things done with my second. Wasn't quite the same though as I had a toddler in tow. It paid off though, as I got pre-eclampsia at the same stage again.

Bit late for that given OP is already pregnant 😄

I meant I wished I had got to know my DH first before having MY baby. 😉 haha

I have an 4 month old and other than your suggestion of a massage I do all these things regularly with my baby 😅 (I would highly recommend seeing if any local cinemas to you do baby friendly screenings). Defo massage/beauty treatments, treat yourself to some long undisturbed baths, sleep!, have long lie ins watching Netflix with your other half, go for a weekend away to a nice spa hotel, get dressed up and go for dinner at a non-baby friendly restaurant, go and see a show xx

If you enjoy cooking then cook yourself a nice posh three course meal and savour it. It’s more likely you’ll cook one thing everyone will eat for a few years. Also, enjoy using a knife AND a fork - one handed eating is about to become the norm 😂. Oh, and also savour the warmth of the food 😂

Go out for a treat dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Binge watch something with loads of sex and swearing in it.

Listen to your favourite Explicit Lyrics music and sing loudly.

Have a city break - they won’t be properly fun for quite a few years. We went to New York when I was five months pregnant as we knew holidays would be more likely to include six foot cuddly characters and beaches for a few years (we were right). Had a fab city break to Barcelona this year with my 12 and 15 yr old though!