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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she's in big trouble

297 replies

skatermom · 29/08/2023 06:45

My 14 year old daughter went out into town with her friend yesterday afternoon being bank holiday Monday. We live in a small village and she walks everywhere mostly. This time, they decided to get on the train and thought she would buy a ticket on the train. Her friend has a season ticket due to taking a train for school.
Well, the train conductor gave her a penalty notice for £50 and that a letter will be sent to her address as to what to do.

The problem is that she said she was not about to give her name and address to a stranger so she gave them a false name AND address!
So we will never receive said letter!
I've been so worried because I know it's an offence to not have a ticket but a worse one to give false details. I'm sure it's a criminal offence!
I'm so worried that she'll be on a CCTV somewhere or a 'wanted' ad placed out for her. I haven't slept all night thinking about this.

What would you do? Will they come find her?
Am I unreasonable to think she will be in big trouble with this?

OP posts:

BIossomtoes · 29/08/2023 08:34

plumtreebroke · 29/08/2023 08:33

Who's name and address did she give? Was it one of her (soon to be ex) friends? That would be the easiest to give on the spur of the moment.

Maybe she made one up.

WandaWonder · 29/08/2023 08:35

It would have been good if she could have bought a ticket on the train but it's happened so she needs to pay it

And this women have a separate rule for men idea is ridiculous

itsgettingweird · 29/08/2023 08:35

Normally I'd say my ds would be trouble for something like lying.

However. Why couldn't she buy a ticket on the train? If she asks for one why did the conductor issue a penalty notice instead?

I think perhaps working on your own anxiety would benefit you.

But I'd want more details by asking what happened - not leading.

But if a young girl was being intimated by a a male adult guard rather than allowing her to buy a ticket (if that's allowed) then she did good.

So many times as a young teen girl I'd get treated differently by adult males than teen male counterparts. Train tickets on board was one as well as cycling in a no cycling area - which was a mistake - but the police took our details and rang our parents and the boys were just told to dismount. I've never been so proud of my dad the day he got that call!

diddl · 29/08/2023 08:36

Susuwatariandkodama · 29/08/2023 07:31

I’m surprised they didn’t offer her to buy a ticket on the train? Seems odd to jump straight to a penalty, don’t they usually have the little machine to print out tickets or they allow you to pay when you get off the train.

I agree with this.

You'd think that they could have used discretion, explained the system & told her to be more aware in future!

EekGoesTheBaby · 29/08/2023 08:36

Stella123456 · 29/08/2023 07:14

I’d be proud of her for her quick thinking. It shows a smart girl. And I wouldn’t give it another thought.

What!?!? Riding without a ticket is stealing!

OP, she needs to go to the station (with you or another adult), explain, apologise, and pay the fine. You don't want her to have no consequences from this lie. But I wouldn't come down hard on her for this mistake; just support her in making this right.

MsRosley · 29/08/2023 08:37

Schmokin · 29/08/2023 07:11

Can’t remember the last time I went on a train that didn’t have a ticket barrier? Are you sure this is not a series of lies here OP.

You haven't been to many rural stations then. No ticket barrier at our local station.

Simplepink · 29/08/2023 08:38

Haha! Way back in the mid 80s my brother and a friend had this happen. His quick thinking mate gave the name and adress of another mutual friend. The fine went there. The guys are all in their 50s now and the mums in their 70s. The mother who got the fine still gets annoyed about this now 😆

your daughter has learned her lesson and won’t do it again I suspect

Sausage1989 · 29/08/2023 08:38

I'd be proud of her and stop worrying.... nothing is going to happen!!

itsgettingweird · 29/08/2023 08:38

Sorry x posts.

In that case your Dd did good. Be proud of her. She stood up to adult authority who likely saw her as an easy target.

In fact - I'd be complaining to the train company about how they refused to allow your dd to buy the ticket and you believe they targeted her because of her race and sex.

Be proud of the girl!

ConnieTucker · 29/08/2023 08:38

SnapdragonToadflax · 29/08/2023 08:32

No ticket barriers at our local village station, and you did used to be able to buy a ticket on the train. It's infuriating now if there's a big queue, because there's only one ticket machine.

Show quote history

Most stations on my local line, including the first station on it, do not have a barrier.

whereismysleep · 29/08/2023 08:40

So you can buy tickets on the train on that route?

It sounds like the ticket inspector was a bully, possibly misogynist and/or racist, picking on a young girl and giving her a fine, when he could have easily chosen to give her a warning and sell her a ticket.

I think you need to cut her a bit of slack here.

Blackbyrd · 29/08/2023 08:41

Lots of utter bullshit on this thread. When will the people justifying theft be happy? When you can't just walk in a shop because the doors are locked to keep out shoplifters? When the benefits system becomes utterly punitive because so may people defraud it? When train routes are cancelled because the ticket revenue is down? It's not so simple is it, this epidemic of dishonesty. Conductors keep 5% of ticket sales as a bonus, some make quite a lot of money from it, they have no reason to not pursue that option first despite what people have "witnessed"

willWillSmithsmith · 29/08/2023 08:41

Schmokin · 29/08/2023 07:11

Can’t remember the last time I went on a train that didn’t have a ticket barrier? Are you sure this is not a series of lies here OP.

My station doesn’t have a ticket barrier, neither do the next stations either side of it.

Toddlerteaplease · 29/08/2023 08:42

QuillBill · 29/08/2023 07:32

She just panicked. She was out of her depth and she panicked. And you can't blame her for panicking as you are panicking now and you are an adult!

Take some comfort in what @Blueeyedmale says.

They aren't going to put up a wanted poster for a fourteen year old girl who didn't pay her train fare.

Either contact the penalty department, explain the situation and pay the fine or forget it happened. This is just the beginning of the teenage years. Things like this will happen. My sixteen got on the tram going the wrong direction on Saturday on the way to the theatre and we had to rescue her from that situation with an Uber. She won't do that again.

But you need them to be living their lives and learning to do things. Other they end up being adults who don't know that some train stations don't have barriers.

Why not just tell her to get on the tram going the other way?

Coffeetree · 29/08/2023 08:43

The lying isn't great but also it's way over the top to give a penalty notice to a kid who was trying to buy a ticket.

I would get your daughter to give you the money for the fare, then you write letter to National Rail with a cheque in the amount of the fare, and explain that your 14 year old daughter wasn't able to buy a ticket when she rode the X line on 28th Aug, so here's the money.

That's it. Don't give your daughter's name, don't mention the penalty, just paying her fare.

They'll deposit the cheque. And this way, if there's ever any sort of response to you (highly unlikely) then you're good. The fare is paid.

Fieldofbrokenpromises · 29/08/2023 08:43

It sounds like the ticket inspector was a bully, possibly misogynist and/or racist
😂

Delatron · 29/08/2023 08:43

It appears to be completely different across the country. Therefore not about the law? We have no barriers and one ticket machine. There’s often a massive queue so I hop on the train and buy a ticket from the conductor who never insinuates this is against the law…he is always very pleasant. Many people are buying tickets this way…

Once I made it all the way to London without a ticket as he didn’t come round - still no problem the guy just waved me through and told he to go to the ticket office and buy one. I could have come in from anywhere.

Therefore I feel he was being harsh. She sounds like she wanted to buy a ticket on the train and couldn’t. Why can you on some trains and not others? How are the general public supposed to know which they will get a fine on and which it’s perfectly ok to buy it on the train.

Original poster

skatermom · 29/08/2023 08:43

I wasn't going to respond to the very judgemental posts but I'll try. But really, what do you get from saying the things you do?

She doesn't do this all the time. It IS her first time and hopefully her last because it was a terrible experience for her. She called me straight after, saying she asked the man if she could ring her mom to speak to him and he said it doesn't matter about your mom, here's my ID, I'm an official and if you don't give me your details, I'll ring the police to wait at the next station. She was trying to explain about why she didn't have a ticket and that she could buy one right now. My daughter always has more than enough money on her bank card as well as a bus pass so she wasn't trying to fare dodge.

She was really trying to make light of it to me because she knows I won't stand for her being out there doing wrong things. She has received a serious telling off since it happened, even this morning when I was getting ready for work because it was on my mind all night, hence my posting here. We are not bad people and we pay for everything we get. She intended to pay. Her giving a false name was more to make it 'go away' I think.

We won't always get it right, never mind teenagers who are experiencing things for the first time. I guess some of you moms here might have been looking on with disdain, saying to her 'your parents must be ashamed, you deserve jail' while she is trying to explain to this big official.

I pray there will be other compassionate people out there for our children when they get into scrapes like this. I thank those who have been understanding.

OP posts:

Marchitectmummy · 29/08/2023 08:43

caringcarer · 29/08/2023 08:18

I'd march her down to the rail station and get her to explain to the ticket person she forgot to buy a ticket then panicked and will pay now. I'd not be proud if my DD did that I'd be ashamed of her, and make her set it right.

100% this. Forgetting to buy a ticket i can undertaken however I would be so upset if my daughter was lying like that.

ZadocPDederick · 29/08/2023 08:43

Richmondgal · 29/08/2023 07:10

Disagree totally
she is being independent
that is great and when we start being independent we make mistakes and learn from them
great that she is doing that now rather than being molly coddled until she is a young adult

Show quote history

Come off it, potentially getting a criminal record is not being independent.

Delatron · 29/08/2023 08:46

Why is it a criminal offence on some
trains and not others? I don’t think the law works like that…

He was clearly picking on a teenage girl. If it had been a grown man?

OP has said she wanted to buy a ticket on the train and the guy wouldn’t let her.

butterpuffed · 29/08/2023 08:51

I hope the address and name isnt someone real or they will now be culpable for the fine when it arrives at their address

I'm sure that when she decided the best thing to do was to give false details , that the name and address would have been completely fabricated .

Weedoormatnomore · 29/08/2023 08:51

@ExtraOnions what a lovely thing to do. You can even buy them on apps these days and send qr code to your kids for them to use.
@skatermom your daughter must be used to giving false information if she could think it up so quickly that the conductor didn't guess she was making it up. I am sure she will be OK just make sure she has a ticket in future. They are more interested in repeat offenders for chasing and catching them.

tigger1001 · 29/08/2023 08:54

"I think the issue is what if they don't regularly have an inspector? Everyone (a large amount anyway) would just start not buying a ticket. And if on the odd occasion they got caught they'd just offer to buy then. You could potentially just buy a ticket once a month."

That happens where I am - but mostly due to no barriers and unmanned stations. A fair few of these don't have ticket machines and if it's a busy train there is a chance the conductor won't get to you before you leave the train.

If you get off at a station with a barrier - you just buy a ticket at that station - have had to do that before, as no ticket machine at the station I got on at and no conductor or they didn't get to me or their machine wasn't working.

Littlewhitecat · 29/08/2023 08:55

Why didn't she or you just buy a ticket on her phone before she travelled? I've drilled this into my kids (along with traveling with some id because both my kids are very tall and look way older than they are) precisely to stop this issue. She must have had an opportunity to buy a ticket at the station for the inspector to issue a fine. Are you sure she's telling you the full story?

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