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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends massive lie

75 replies

jardzia · 29/08/2023 00:39

i started a new job a year ago and it’s long 13hr shifts but with not much to do. I work as a receptionist in an office building that has a canteen and a bar that opens at four. The bar man works in the canteen for a couple of hours and has an hour free till he opens the bar, let’s call him Charlie. He always comes and speaks to me in his hour off and it’s a great break for me in the crazy long shift. When he first started speaking to me I didn’t quite believe him , I told my partner that I believed he made up his boyfriend and the fact he had a cat, sounds mad but he told me that when he was away the friend looking after his cat would just throw food in a room that it stays in and shut the door! I couldn’t help thinking about the litter tray? Also their was an office worker he was good friends with who loved cats and I thought he made up the cat story so he would like him, harmless enough I thought. But he’d apparently just got engaged to this boyfriend when I’d just started there but never really talked about him, he was always out every night and much more interested in telling me about that. In our speech we always pepper it with well my partner says this or thinks, does that but that never really happened with Charlie. I kept quiet and watched how other people who had worked there longer than me reacted to him, I was waiting for someone to come up to me and tell me not to believe a word he said but everyone loved him and they all had good relationships with him. I relaxed and got to know him as a good friend as he is a lovely person but my suspicions were always there. The wedding was suddenly in place within 6 months which seamed quick and was planned for pride weekend at my city. We all waited for invites that didn’t come till 2 weeks before the date so I didn’t buy an outfit just in case. The wedding invite was basic without hardly any information on it , I bought an outfit as there were so many people who had known him longer than me going and no one was calling bullshit. I checked the week before about the venue and found it was shut for a refurbishment so asked him he said it was still open for weddings he said he didn’t know what room so he would meet everyone outside to take us as he couldn’t remember where the door was. Even reading this makes me feel like a fool but there was a lot of us who we’re going. We we’re supposed to be going for food at a nearby restaurant and then a bar that was in pride which he said he had passes for us to get in for free. Also he said they’d been shopping for a ring but never wore it as he didn’t want to loose it in his catering job, he put it on on a night out but it looked a bit scuffed to me but it was a busy night out so didn’t think much about it till later. Anyway cut till the morning of the wedding when we get a txt saying wedding is totally off as his boyfriends , niece’s young son is in hospital with breathing problems and not expected to last the day! There has been silence on the wedding group chat though about 3 people expressed concerns about the child, not spoke to anyone as waiting to speak face to face, I don’t know what anyone believes. It’s hard because it’s work but I can’t sit there and show sympathy for such a lie ! It’s such a shame because we all loved him and he had no need to do this, know he always did like all the attention on him but thought he was just an extrovert but he brought so many people together who wouldn’t even have talked to each other if it wasn’t for him so don’t know what to do

OP posts:
BashCandicoot · 29/08/2023 00:42

Bizarre.

Daffodil18 · 29/08/2023 01:38

It does sound made up but unfortunately nobody will be able to prove otherwise.

FictionalCharacter · 29/08/2023 01:47

What’s the AIBU?

Mothership4two · 29/08/2023 01:48

If someone told me they had a boyfriend and a cat I would just believe them as it's not something you'd expect someone to lie about. The rest does sound odd. You obviously went out socially with Charlie, hasn't anyone ever met the "fiance"? Unless you have proof you will all have to go along with it. Absolutely do not call him out in case it's true or parts of it are true.

Raquelos · 29/08/2023 01:58

Tricky situation and I can see why you don't want to be part of it, but honestly I would nod along and make the right noise and just disengage as much as possible. If you call him out, or indicate disbelief even a little and you're right he will turn on you and you will suddenly be the bad guy. He can't admit it's a lie, he's in far too deep. Believe me I have been in your position, it simply isn't worth the drama and the fall out especially given that its a work enviromnent. Best of luck letting it just wash over you.

extrasushiplease · 29/08/2023 02:29

YABU for not making paragraph breaks.

dwightkurtschrute · 29/08/2023 03:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lamelie · 29/08/2023 03:23

I think you need to take a novel to work. If you’re this invested in someone else’s life you must be very bored.

shitt · 29/08/2023 03:27

I don’t see the issue really - you’re getting paid to work with this person and you’re ultimately getting paid to be nice to this person. Therefore the next time you see him, just act like nothing happened. You’re not being paid to investigate his personal life or be his friend, that’s the bottom line. Your workplace isn’t expecting you to confront him. So don’t involve yourself in the drama and just take him as he is. Maybe spend less time socialising at work, and invest that energy in getting a better job. People are weird and people lie. I’m a senior manager and wouldn’t want my staff getting side tracked like this.

MessyMyrtle · 29/08/2023 03:51

extrasushiplease · 29/08/2023 02:29

YABU for not making paragraph breaks.

👍yes.

Wimble2468 · 29/08/2023 04:06

I think I used to work with this person! Does his name start with an A?? 🤣

It's difficult to deal with people like this, they often get found out but they have no shame and just stick to the lie.

Guavafish1 · 29/08/2023 04:54

There are some people in life who chronically lie. I don't know why they do it and it's very obvious that they are doing it. But for whatever reason, some people just accept it.

When I was in secondary school, I had two friends who were liars. One insist on having a twin sister and would talk about their fake adventures. (No one ever meet the twin). I asked her mother once, she was clueless about the twin. She continued to lie!

The other guys, just lied about everything, he was rich, had the latest gadgets that weren't even out, what car his parents were driving, the house he lived in! When quested he continued to make up excuses and more lies. He still had a few friends, but no one believed anything he said, just glazed over it all.

Summerhillsquare · 29/08/2023 05:19

AI?

JaukiVexnoydi · 29/08/2023 05:30

If a colleague has a bizarre fantasy life it's not your problem to confront or resolve. I wouldn't havd bought a new outfit for a colleagues wedding anyway, can you return it? If not keep it in the back of the wardrobe for the next big event you go to.
If he starts a crowdfunder for his lost wedding costs or for his fiance's niece's health problems do not donate. Say that you have an absolute policy to never mox personal finance with friends and family, it causes too many disasters.

LAMPS1 · 29/08/2023 05:30

You are asking mumsnet what to do ?
The answer is …don’t do anything except your job. Smile and nod along if he comes to you in his quiet hour. Don’t ask questions. Pretend to be busy as much as you can. Don’t call him out on his lie, it’s not your place. Don’t try to investigate either. Don’t seek out his company. Remain polite.
It’s horrid to be lied to of course, but you will be wiser next time and not so invested.

TibetanTerrah · 29/08/2023 05:39

When you found out the venue was closed and he said it was open for weddings, I'd have rung them behind his back.

Assuming they even answered, they can't even cite GDPR as a reason not to tell you if you're not asking for specifics. 'I just need to know if you are open for weddings like I've been told, and possibly appeal to their human side and push for x date saying I have a horrible feeling everyone is going to end up wasting time and money going to a non-existent wedding!'

If they didn't answer the phone, I'd have made up my own excuse and not gone.

Autieangel · 29/08/2023 05:54

What are you going to do? Call him out? Keep indulging him? Are you sure he's lying?

This is pretty identifiable btw hope you changed the details

Noodge · 29/08/2023 06:26

I'd just ignore the whole thing. Show up do your job smile and nod.

ShawleyNot · 29/08/2023 06:46

Distance yourself. You're overinvested in this OP. You're probably right that he's lying but you need to stop caring. It's not hurting you.

LittleDitto · 29/08/2023 06:50

Just detach yourself from him. There are people like this out there and it’s always really odd how mundane the lies they make up are. But do you really want to be friends with someone like that? Even if they are “nice”.

m I knew a guy who when I first met him just told all kinds of tall stories. One in particular was he completely made up having a girlfriend called Becky. When he realised it was all getting a bit out of hand he had to kill Becky off in a huge fireball car crash explosion and he managed to keep up the grieving for a few days before bouncing back to normal, just in time for her funeral. Really odd! I just ditched him after this as I can’t be done with people that weird.

honeyandfizz · 29/08/2023 06:51

Summerhillsquare · 29/08/2023 05:19

AI?

My thought precisely!

QuillBill · 29/08/2023 07:03

Do nothing and say nothing.

It's just a bloke at work who may or may not have created a fantasy life for himself. There is nothing to do.

Whether I had doubts or not I would still have said that I hoped the niece was OK.

I agree with @shitt and with @LAMPS1 . Just get on with your job. Be civil and human. You aren't responsible for this man.

Newnamefor23 · 29/08/2023 07:04

Walter Mitty.

Readingineading · 29/08/2023 07:15

I worked with one of these. In her case she lied about being widowed. In hindsight she was mentally unwell.
The only thing you can do is disengage, if you confront behaviour like this he will either double down or breakdown.

Iknowthis1 · 29/08/2023 07:16

If he's lying, it's very sad. It's he's not lying, it's very sad. The only way you can approach this is with compassion.

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