Friends massive lie

[jardzia]

i started a new job a year ago and it’s long 13hr shifts but with not much to do. I work as a receptionist in an office building that has a canteen and a bar that opens at four. The bar man works in the canteen for a couple of hours and has an hour free till he opens the bar, let’s call him Charlie. He always comes and speaks to me in his hour off and it’s a great break for me in the crazy long shift. When he first started speaking to me I didn’t quite believe him , I told my partner that I believed he made up his boyfriend and the fact he had a cat, sounds mad but he told me that when he was away the friend looking after his cat would just throw food in a room that it stays in and shut the door! I couldn’t help thinking about the litter tray? Also their was an office worker he was good friends with who loved cats and I thought he made up the cat story so he would like him, harmless enough I thought. But he’d apparently just got engaged to this boyfriend when I’d just started there but never really talked about him, he was always out every night and much more interested in telling me about that. In our speech we always pepper it with well my partner says this or thinks, does that but that never really happened with Charlie. I kept quiet and watched how other people who had worked there longer than me reacted to him, I was waiting for someone to come up to me and tell me not to believe a word he said but everyone loved him and they all had good relationships with him. I relaxed and got to know him as a good friend as he is a lovely person but my suspicions were always there. The wedding was suddenly in place within 6 months which seamed quick and was planned for pride weekend at my city. We all waited for invites that didn’t come till 2 weeks before the date so I didn’t buy an outfit just in case. The wedding invite was basic without hardly any information on it , I bought an outfit as there were so many people who had known him longer than me going and no one was calling bullshit. I checked the week before about the venue and found it was shut for a refurbishment so asked him he said it was still open for weddings he said he didn’t know what room so he would meet everyone outside to take us as he couldn’t remember where the door was. Even reading this makes me feel like a fool but there was a lot of us who we’re going. We we’re supposed to be going for food at a nearby restaurant and then a bar that was in pride which he said he had passes for us to get in for free. Also he said they’d been shopping for a ring but never wore it as he didn’t want to loose it in his catering job, he put it on on a night out but it looked a bit scuffed to me but it was a busy night out so didn’t think much about it till later. Anyway cut till the morning of the wedding when we get a txt saying wedding is totally off as his boyfriends , niece’s young son is in hospital with breathing problems and not expected to last the day! There has been silence on the wedding group chat though about 3 people expressed concerns about the child, not spoke to anyone as waiting to speak face to face, I don’t know what anyone believes. It’s hard because it’s work but I can’t sit there and show sympathy for such a lie ! It’s such a shame because we all loved him and he had no need to do this, know he always did like all the attention on him but thought he was just an extrovert but he brought so many people together who wouldn’t even have talked to each other if it wasn’t for him so don’t know what to do

You dont need to do or say anything, hes just a guy you know from work that entertains you with exciting stories. Dont ever trust him or put yourself for him and enjoy the mad stories for what the are, a way to pass a boring shift. He isnt a friend or a person thats part of your real life so dont over think it, just nod along

Youre either wrong or he’s unwell. Just leave it.

Well it sounds like at least three of your colleagues a) have doubts too and b) are here!

I’d disengage politely. Ask how the child is, make appropriate sympathetic noises and then be pleasant but vague from now on.

Why ask what you should ‘do?’ The answer is nothing of course, it’s none of your business - he is an acquaintance at best. Just disengage from the drama - be friendly and get on with your life rather than being invested in someone else’s.

Like others I don’t know what the issue is. Charlie is obviously a fantasist and for that I would feel sorry for him and humour him, rather than be angry

There is a lot of unnecessary details in your post (and yes spaces and grammar would make it easier) but at the end of the day this is not really an issue

I worked with someone like this. I can understand your confusion. It's the weirdest thing.

I picked up early on they they were lying. Not sure how I knew. I mentioned to my work colleagues "Isn't surprising that Jane lived with (insert famous royal) and wasn't invited to their wedding"

Nobody was suspicious of the tall tales, unless you've worked with or know a liar like this it's hard to describe.

"Jane" went on holiday to some mega remote place, bought the currency in for us to see. Posted loads of pictures of the scenery on Insta.

But I just knew she hadn't gone. Anyway she was seen in town the week she was supposed to be away. She denied it ... of course.

Bizarre bizarre bizarre.

Anyway my only advice is just to ignore the person, don't gossip about them. He's a very ill person, don't try to catch them out. They have a lie for everything. If I start thinking about Jane, it blows my mind.

She had to leave in the end as all her lies started catching up with her.

YABU for posting a wall of stream of consciousness nonsense.

Exactly !

I want to know how long a long 13 hour is , is it 14 or maybe even 15 normal hours ?

So don’t know what to do

You don't do anything much, really. Just distance yourself a bit and start taking what he says with a large grain of salt.

'Charlie' sounds mentally not quite well, to be spinning such a convoluted web of lies, and there isn't a great deal colleagues can do to help him. Just nod along and ignore for the most part. 'Charlie' is a colleague, not a friend.

I suspect your other colleagues who've known him for longer are doing similar and choosing to go along with the lies instead of challenging him.

y

Yes, I worked with someone who lied a lot, eg said she had never been married and how sad it made her. She had, one of our newer colleagues had even been to the wedding and knew her then husband. Why lie, who cares?

We also once signed a petition at work about an important issue and she was reluctant to add her signature for self preservation reasons. She said she had signed it and sent it off but my colleague saw her put it through the shredder.

I can understand first big lie as it was maybe an unhappy time but I think a leopard does not change it's spots. A good number of people think this woman is wonderful, same as your colleague. You trusted your gut op and it was right. Just back off from him, its all nonsense and he has put himself under a lot of stress.

It will be interesting to see how he acts when you next see him at work.

Why do people always have to be twats about stuff like this?

The post is perfectly understandable.

don’t know what to do

Just carry on. You know what he's like but still like him despite this. Nothing has changed really.

AI = artificial intelligence
not someone’s initials 😆

It sounds strange but unfortunately no one will know until they see him at work. Since it’s a work colleague etc I’m not sure I’d be calling him out, especially through any group chats or WhatsApp etc

Were any managers invited?

He may have lied about the wedding which is sad that he’s felt he’s needed to create this whole fake life. He may not have lied and a child may be sick which is awful.

Personally I’d show compassion and if it turns out to be a lie then I’d just disengage with him, have a polite chat every now and then and leave it at that.

Honestly, the single thing that sticks with me from this stream of consciousness is that when he first started talking to you, you didn’t believe he had a boyfriend and a cat, because an anecdote about a friend looking after the cat didn’t feature a mention of a litter tray, and because you continually pepper your speech with references to what your partner thinks, you find it suspicious he doesn’t?

Then you spent months waiting for your colleagues to tell you he’s not all he seems, but all you actually have to go on for this theory is that the wedding invitations were ‘basic’ and it was cancelled on the day because of a family member’s illness?

You sound far odder than him to me. As pps have said, you don’t need to ‘do’ anything, whether he’s lying or not.

Say as little as possible. Good to know your lie detector works though.

You’re not Sherlock Holmes, you don’t need to make a grand speech in front of everyone to let them know you knew all along. You don’t do anything except distance yourself from him if you chose to. He’s clearly got some issues, but they’re not your problem.

This.

This is such a bizarre post

i agree with PP who say don’t call him out without clear proof. Just distance yourself, or continue to talk to him but take everything with a pinch of salt. He is probably a very sad individual and deserves pity, but kept very much at a distance.

The post is perfectly understandable. People pointing out grammar issues are so incredibly tedious.

For now, you don’t need to do anything. Just accept that Charlie is a bit of a fantasist - or even just a bit lonely and took his fictional boyfriend way too far - and don’t get involved with any of his tall stories.

The time to worry is if, as a PP suggested, he suddenly starts asking for contributions to a crowdfunder for his (fictional) niece, or sponsorship for a fun run or charity swim, or donations to a charity whose website looks as basic as those invitations.

Is it me, or does this read as though it is written by that chat bot thing,?