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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’ve withdrawn from organ donation register

1000 replies

Purpledogcollar · 28/08/2023 22:04

I give blood and have always been very pro organ donation.

Sadly I have just withdrawn as protest against reproductive organ donation. I can’t support it and am very conflicted as would like to donate other organs.

What are your views and is it a hasty decision (although not sure I would change my mind).

OP posts:
Thread gallery
34
Thelnebriati · 28/08/2023 23:29

''Transphobia''. There it is, the astounding ignorance of the ethical issues surrounding medical experiments on a fetus - human that cannot consent.

Natty13 · 28/08/2023 23:30

Thelnebriati · 28/08/2023 23:25

@BillaBongGirlI do think after reading this thread that there should be a requirement that you be a donor to be a recipient.

You really haven't thought this through. I'm unable to be a donor as I've received a blood transfusion.
Edit for formatting.

Edited

You can donate organs if you've had a blood transfusion🤦‍♀️

Honestly the amount of misinformation on this thread is unreal.

GreyGrid · 28/08/2023 23:30

PhantomUnicorn · 28/08/2023 23:28

No-one is talking about people who opt out for valid medical reasons.. i would even say if you have fears/religious reasons/ethical reasons around it fine... your body, your choice.

However, if you're one of the idiots opting out because of the ignorance, mis-information and rampant transphobia around reproductive organ donation, i think you're stupid, and selfish.

Bump

melj1213 · 28/08/2023 23:30

AutumnCrow · 28/08/2023 23:16

@melj1213 I appreciate what you're saying but it's obviously not clear, given that this thread exists.

And also, @Thelnebriati is quite right (in my view) that the whole system needs an overhaul, given that some bonkers 'next of kin' can overrule the best laid schemes of the most prudent, conscientious potential organ donor.

This thread exists because the OP did zero research before making up justifications for her selfish choice - a simple "tissue donations" Google brings up both websites, its not hard to find the information, you just have to actually look for it in the first place instead of making assumptions and wild claims.

BillaBongGirl · 28/08/2023 23:31

Thelnebriati · 28/08/2023 23:25

@BillaBongGirlI do think after reading this thread that there should be a requirement that you be a donor to be a recipient.

You really haven't thought this through. I'm unable to be a donor as I've received a blood transfusion.
Edit for formatting.

Edited

There can be exemptions on medical grounds. I’m referring more to the selfish types who are happy to take but don’t want to donate later on upon their death even though they could.

This website says you could still be a potential organ donor.
https://www.organdonation.nhs.uk/helping-you-to-decide/about-organ-donation/who-can-donate/

Who can donate?

What is the age limit for becoming an organ donor? What if you have cancer, a medical condition, or if you smoke? Get the facts about eligibility here.

https://www.organdonation.nhs.uk/helping-you-to-decide/about-organ-donation/who-can-donate/

porridgeisbae · 28/08/2023 23:32

As someone with a best friend with kidney failure who nearly donated a kidney but our bloods came back that they were no longer a match the day before we were due to have the operation, I think that organ donation is very important @Purpledogcollar . There are many lives at stake and we won't miss our organs because we won't be using them.

IDK if there's a way you can just opt out of the reproductive bit?

If your issue is mainly 'transwomen' potentially getting them, that isn't happening yet and your womb etc would probably go to a bio woman.

I actually don't know of many people having a womb transplant.

The treatment regime after having an organ transplant can take a lot of toll on the body, so doctors probably wouldn't do it for a non-essential organ unless the person really pushed for it, and most people wouldn't.

Vargas · 28/08/2023 23:32

YABU - I think you're massively overreacting to a potential transplant situation that doesn't exist and won't for many years.

jackstini · 28/08/2023 23:32

My friend died earlier this month aged 49
Her donated organs saved 4 lives. It doesn't bring her back but massively helped her dh & 2 dds

I'm all for making your own decisions but ffs know what you are choosing - don't just opt out of everything because you don't like or understand it

Reproductive organs are not on the optional list as there is no standard procedure or waiting list

Make your family aware of what you want or don't want so they know and can agree donations in time to make a difference to someone else

And if you are not willing to donate; do not accept any donations

Over40Overdating · 28/08/2023 23:32

This is genuinely one of the most spiteful things I have ever read.

Based on nothing but your own bigotry you’ve started a thread whipping up fear about something that does not exist and even if it did would be something you could opt out of. All so you can claim you are standing up for women’s rights and might get to snub your nose at an imaginary scenario for a hypothetical trans person on your death bed.

I hope you never know the terror and desperation that comes with knowing your life or that of a loved one depends on someone else’s altruism and compassion at the worst point in their lives.

It’s been coming a while but this is the post that has finished me with mumsnet. The bile and nastiness being dressed up as some kind of heroic act for women now even coming down to starting this kind of misinformation and fear mongering about organ or tissue donation is too much.

It might all be a great game of ‘I’m the hero’ to those of you encouraging each other to opt out, meanwhile people die waiting for organs gone unused because people are swayed either by your spite or by the fear you’ve started with misinformation.

And I don’t believe for one second that any one of your lofty principles would extend to saying no if you or a loved one needed a donation.

BillaBongGirl · 28/08/2023 23:33

Thelnebriati · 28/08/2023 23:29

''Transphobia''. There it is, the astounding ignorance of the ethical issues surrounding medical experiments on a fetus - human that cannot consent.

Sorry? What fetus?
we are talking about organ donations.

kagerou · 28/08/2023 23:33

Longagonow96 · 28/08/2023 23:23

Straw man argument. This is solely about OPs "reason", nothing to do with unsuitability on medical grounds.

It's hardly a straw man argument when I've seen at least 3 people on this thread say similar. And if it's just about the OPs reason then why make sweeping generalisations that everyone who opts out should not be allowed to receive (which was the comment I was responding to)

Trethew · 28/08/2023 23:33

Donation apart - I think there are other considerations here. Two operating theatres and surgical teams for a whole day to perform this procedure for two women who did not have life threatening conditions, and weren’t even unwell. I wonder how many routine gynae operations could have been performed with these resources, and how many women with miserable gynae problems could have been helped.

But then I suppose if nobody had pioneered kidney transplants decades ago they would not have become the routine operations they are today

CrappyBarbara · 28/08/2023 23:34

Purpledogcollar · 28/08/2023 22:19

That’s why I’m conflicted but I really don’t want my reproductive organs used and that is my decision.

And yet you feel the need to broadcast it and read feedback from strangers. What’s that about?

PhantomUnicorn · 28/08/2023 23:35

Over40Overdating · 28/08/2023 23:32

This is genuinely one of the most spiteful things I have ever read.

Based on nothing but your own bigotry you’ve started a thread whipping up fear about something that does not exist and even if it did would be something you could opt out of. All so you can claim you are standing up for women’s rights and might get to snub your nose at an imaginary scenario for a hypothetical trans person on your death bed.

I hope you never know the terror and desperation that comes with knowing your life or that of a loved one depends on someone else’s altruism and compassion at the worst point in their lives.

It’s been coming a while but this is the post that has finished me with mumsnet. The bile and nastiness being dressed up as some kind of heroic act for women now even coming down to starting this kind of misinformation and fear mongering about organ or tissue donation is too much.

It might all be a great game of ‘I’m the hero’ to those of you encouraging each other to opt out, meanwhile people die waiting for organs gone unused because people are swayed either by your spite or by the fear you’ve started with misinformation.

And I don’t believe for one second that any one of your lofty principles would extend to saying no if you or a loved one needed a donation.

I've been here for 17 years, and honestly.. i'm clinging to the voices who think the same as you.

I'm disgusted by how far people will let their prejudice and bigotry take them.... apparently now into potentially signing the death certificates of people on the transplant list.

Thelnebriati · 28/08/2023 23:35

Why aren't people able to specify which organs they want to donate or withold, and why are N.O.K. allowed to overrule them?
Why is a discussion about this causing so much anger?

PhantomUnicorn · 28/08/2023 23:36

BillaBongGirl · 28/08/2023 23:33

Sorry? What fetus?
we are talking about organ donations.

the imaginary ones in the wombs they're stealing probably.

OilOfRoses · 28/08/2023 23:36

melj1213 · 28/08/2023 23:28

But surely it's more traumatic to force them to make that decision without any guidance especially if there is a split decision?

Idk how many kids you have but if there's three and two want to donate your organs and one doesn't then don't you think that will put more strain on them to have to have that argument, knowing that there is going to be a rift caused because of their choices, rather than saying "Mum has stated she wants to donate XYZ but not ABC, do you have an objection to that?"

I have three siblings, I could not imagine having to make the decision about our parents organs and it have to be a unanimous decision because it would put massive strain on our relationship if there was someone who felt differently to the rest.

I am opted in and I have talked with teen DD many times over the years about organ donation as we have an extended family member who received a kidney transplant years ago. I have always said I am happy for all of my organs to be donated, and have registered as such, because I don't want the burden to be on her to make that decision (not that I intend for it to happen any time soon but as I'm separated from ExDH my NoK are DD and my parents). I have made my decision and she knows what I am happy with so all she has to do is give consent to whatever she is comfortable with but she will do so in full knowledge of my personal wishes and the knowledge that she is donating whatever she is comfortable with, with my blessing.

Those are good thoughts and worth considering. Based on past experience, I think they will have very definite ideas about it. I have talked to them and I'm sure they won't argue. I have more than three kids and if even one of them says no, it doesn't happen. That's how it worked last time. We sat down to have a discussion (not about organ donation, but another aspect) and two had a very strong reaction to one of the options. I decided on the basis of that, if someone had such strong feelings against it, it was a no. They are following my wishes in that, not their own. I don't want to put them through the kind of trauma that would have happened if I had gone against their feelings.

TheEverlovingFork · 28/08/2023 23:36

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gravitytester · 28/08/2023 23:36

Friggingfrog · 28/08/2023 22:32

Wow what a protest. Sod those who could die without organ transplants hey?

This.

Just make it clear to your NOK what you do and don't want to donate FFS.

AllOfThemWitches · 28/08/2023 23:37

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porridgeisbae · 28/08/2023 23:37

I agree with PP's- totes heroic and ethical to not potentially save several lives, all for the sake of a somewhat annoying thing that probably won't happen much anyway- at least not with our organs in our lifetimes.

AllOfThemWitches · 28/08/2023 23:38

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PhantomUnicorn · 28/08/2023 23:38

OilOfRoses · 28/08/2023 23:36

Those are good thoughts and worth considering. Based on past experience, I think they will have very definite ideas about it. I have talked to them and I'm sure they won't argue. I have more than three kids and if even one of them says no, it doesn't happen. That's how it worked last time. We sat down to have a discussion (not about organ donation, but another aspect) and two had a very strong reaction to one of the options. I decided on the basis of that, if someone had such strong feelings against it, it was a no. They are following my wishes in that, not their own. I don't want to put them through the kind of trauma that would have happened if I had gone against their feelings.

but surely organ donation shouldn't be about how they feel, but about how you feel?

Would you be ok if they went against (for instance) your beliefs on having a christian burial and had you cremated by humanists instead?

There are some things you should be able to expect your NOK to honour, organ donation being one of them.

saraclara · 28/08/2023 23:38

Just when I thought the trans thing on mumsnet couldn't get more toxic...

TaiDee · 28/08/2023 23:39

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