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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

White British with distinctively foreign name

108 replies

ThisIsMyUsernameYesItIs · 27/08/2023 11:06

I was named after a Japanese lady who saved my mum's life while she was heavily pregnant (car accident). I wasn't given a middle name.

I started work at a new company last week. Was introducing myself to some people and someone asked if this was a name I picked myself from an anime. I don't broadcast the backstory and most people don't ask anyway so I do wonder if this was a common conclusion most would arrive at? Would you judge someone for having a foreign name?

YABU I wouldn't assume that you picked the name yourself
YANUB I would assume you picked the name yourself

OP posts:

FasciaDreams · 27/08/2023 12:31

Highdaysandholidays1 · 27/08/2023 12:16

I think this was an anime fan reaching out hoping for another anime fan! It is annoying if there is an insinuation you aren't quite British though, my dds have a 'foreign' second name and more unusual first ones and they have had a couple of stupid comments like 'where's that from, then?' or 'how do you say that?' which in this day and age feel very dated. Mostly people are interested though. My dd works in a shop and the people go on about 'immigrants' all the time which is tiring for her, given her dad was an immigrant.

Nationality and ethnicity are two different things though, which is quite interesting.
There's no such thing as 'British' ethnicity for starters (correct me if I'm using the wrong words). English people have English names, Welsh people, Welsh and so on.
As someone also born and bred in a country different from their ethnicity if people ask 'where's that from' I sort of take it to mean that they are acknowledging my ethnicity.
Somehow though, 'British-Indian' makes sense to people but it completely blows their minds that other people can have the same too. Like 'Ghanian-Indian' means Ghanian nationality of Indian ethnicity. I'm not from Ghana but just an example!

Also I think 'how do you say that' is fine, but mainly because I think it's OK to admit you can't pronounce a name and ask how it's pronounced.

I do think it can get tiring if everyone asks you that but as I work with people from all around the world it's not just, say 'white British' people asking implying that I don't belong, it's people from all over. So I don't find any particular insinuations. When someone asks in an exclusive way I find their tone more of a giveaway than what they actually say.

Also because when i first moved here English wasn't my first language and I mispronounced a lot of English names because I only ever saw them in books...

Highdaysandholidays1 · 27/08/2023 12:42

I agree, a lot of it is tone and insinuation. We have a shop near us and the man in it is quite racist because he enquires all the time 'where the bloody hell is that name from them? how do you spell that then' in a rude way which is quite different than chatting equally about ethnicity or nationality. The children have got quite friendly with him (he's our nearest Evri parcel collector!) We live in an area that is not that ethnically diverse, I mean a bit, but not that much and so outdated 'oh look it's a foreigner' type attitudes are still quite common.

JanesBlond · 27/08/2023 12:49

I’d assume you had some Japanese heritage or were born in Japan or had some other family connection to Japan or the name, not that you had chosen the name yourself.

The only times I’ve heard of adults choosing their own first names is trans people and tbf anime would not be a surprising source for a name choice in that instance.

VisionsOfSplendour · 27/08/2023 13:00

Why would anyone judge someone for their name? The parents maybe if it was some weird or made up name but not the child who had nothing to do with their name

Honestly, I have no interest in why anyone is named what they are so I wouldn't give it a second thought as long as Im pronouncing correctly I don't care

londonmummy1966 · 27/08/2023 13:13

DH's family moved from NE France when the Germans invaded in the later C19th. They Anglicised the pronunciation of their surname. People sometimes ask where its from but only British Airways female staff have ever been rude enough to correct the pronunciation. (Only female ones and only to me never DH but has happened a few times.....).

Reugny · 27/08/2023 13:15

Ginmonkeyagain · 27/08/2023 11:59

Converts (or reverts as they are known in Islam) to Islam often take Islamic names - Cat Stevens becoming Yusaf Islam or Cassius Clay becoming Mohammed Ali for instance.

They may not be converts but be/have origins from the middle east or eastern Europe.

My DD used to go to nursery with a couple of pale, blue eyed and blond haired Muslim children.

PinkiOcelot · 27/08/2023 13:17

I don’t think they were judging. Just asking.

almostoverthehill · 27/08/2023 13:19

Ginmonkeyagain · 27/08/2023 11:27

@Yetanothernewname101 that is properly rude and racist, what a horrible experience for you. Plenty of white Britishpeople have "foreign" surnames for all sorts of reasons! My white British colleague has a Japanese surname - because she took her Japanese husbands surname.

That’s a completely different scenario and irrelevant

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/08/2023 13:21

Fourecks · Today 11:14
I'd assume you had a white parent who you took after and a Japanese parent who picked your name.”

This

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 27/08/2023 13:21

I’d definitely be very curious and hope there was a lovely backstory behind it such as the one you’ve already said. What a lovely story. Did the lady who saved your mum ever know you were named after her?

WeWereInParis · 27/08/2023 13:21

I wouldn't assume you picked the name yourself. I'd assume you had a Japanese parent, or maybe grandparent.

almostoverthehill · 27/08/2023 13:22

HiddenBehindANameChange · 27/08/2023 11:35

I have a surname that is ethnically not mine - because I married a British born man with a different heritage. It gets questioned.

The kids look like they have the heritage of whichever parent they are with - out with me, they look like tanned British kids with dark hair.
Out with DH, you can pretty much ignore their British bits. It's like they seamlessly shift from one to the other. Me, DH, and both kids have "english" first names and a "foreign" surname. I have struggled to get the kids out of DHs home country without birth certs etc when travelling alone - its assumed I'm not taking my kids with me.

I'd never ask.

It’s not the surname that is being discussed though 🤦🏻‍♀️ it’s irrelevant

NorseKiwi · 27/08/2023 13:23

I have a foreign name ( with no obvs reason why), I've had to explain it hundreds of times, its all part of meeting people for the first time, it also makes me memorable!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 27/08/2023 13:26

Me and DB have distinctively foreign first names (Russian/Polish). As far as I know no one has commented or made assumptions due to them being foreign names but recently DB who works in film/TV did say there had been not nice comments and frostiness when he gave his first name due to it being Russian. He could also use his middle name which is potentially French/Russian. He used to use the anglicised version of first name when much younger.

Cucucucu · 27/08/2023 13:26

Maybe you have the name common or from a well know anime and they wanted to know if you were a fan ? People who live anime can be massive fans

Rotterdam · 27/08/2023 13:30

Some people are so rude. Would they have asked that of a middle aged man?

I have a European ‘foreign’ name and I have had so much rudeness and even queries about my right to use the NHS from staff. I have an obviously Scottish surname and an RP accent.

My sister has a Japanese surname as she is married to a Japanese man. People query her credit cards etc in the UK, even in diverse London. It’s ridiculous.

DiddyHeck · 27/08/2023 13:34

Some people are so rude. Would they have asked that of a middle aged man?

Why ever not?

If they don't think they're being rude in the first place, there's no reason why they wouldn't.

EnthENd · 27/08/2023 13:41

I would guess you either had Japanese heritage, or if the name is most strongly associated with an anime in the relevant era I might think you had parents who were anime fans.

pimplebum · 27/08/2023 14:08

I always ask about a persons names I don't feel I have to know them well as it's not an insult to say " your name is unusual, where's it from ? "

FlamingYam · 27/08/2023 14:27

I would never assume someone picked their name themselves. I also think that assumption is a bit of a weird one. Do people just watch a series and think "I'll be Goku from now"?

Original poster

ThisIsMyUsernameYesItIs · 27/08/2023 14:57

I think the picking the name myself part is variant of how lots of people seem not to be called by their actual first name e.g. middle names, diminutive of their last names, nicknames. There was a woman at my previous workplace who went by a completely different name as she hated her name and thought it sounded "twee"!

OP posts:

notacooldad · 27/08/2023 15:01

I would assume there was a Japenese connection in your past somewhere. I would have found your story interesting but not have guessed that.

Nevermind31 · 27/08/2023 15:05

I might say something like… oh wow, that’s unusual. And leave it at that.

Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 27/08/2023 15:08

I’d be curious but I wouldn’t make assumptions. For all I know you may have a parent/grandparent from Japan or have parents who named you after a loved one etc. I wouldn’t assume you named yourself.

LaRevolution · 27/08/2023 15:08