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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

White British with distinctively foreign name

108 replies

ThisIsMyUsernameYesItIs · 27/08/2023 11:06

I was named after a Japanese lady who saved my mum's life while she was heavily pregnant (car accident). I wasn't given a middle name.

I started work at a new company last week. Was introducing myself to some people and someone asked if this was a name I picked myself from an anime. I don't broadcast the backstory and most people don't ask anyway so I do wonder if this was a common conclusion most would arrive at? Would you judge someone for having a foreign name?

YABU I wouldn't assume that you picked the name yourself
YANUB I would assume you picked the name yourself

OP posts:
primoseyellow · 27/08/2023 11:29

I know someone who is white British called Kyomi, was a bit surprised but never thought about it again.

Some Chinese people name their kids Mary, Alan etc . Lots of Christian and Catholic Indians have biblical names. I don't think its unusual.

ŁadnaPogoda · 27/08/2023 11:30

How would they know you weren’t mixed race? My friend’s daughter is half Nigerian and she looks completely white British - she’s got blue eyes and straight light brown hair. She is constantly asked about her name - she has a Yoruba first name too. Genetics are funny things.

Alargeoneplease89 · 27/08/2023 11:32

Honestly I would just think that you were born aboard or have some heritage from that culture but wouldn't give it a second thought.

I think with the world so open these days how do you even know where someone is born / their culture - and why does it matter?

FasciaDreams · 27/08/2023 11:33

Many people give out a different name to what they're called, usually non-white people (Chinese in particular). I've got a friend called Wong Tsai Ling (fake name of course!) who tells people he's called Ryu. Usually they choose 'English' names though.

So I can see how people assume it's something like that however white Brits don't tend to do it. If I knew it was a passport name I wouldn't ask, you never know who has ancestors where!

For all they know you could have a Japanese relative. It's very rude to presume you're 'pure' British based solely on how you look. I'm Indian but have great-grandparents from South Africa and Thailan respectively... can't tell.

StillWantingADog · 27/08/2023 11:33

Mummy08m · 27/08/2023 11:25

That person was probably a huge anime fan (I think they call it an otaku?) and was desperately hoping they were meeting a fellow fan. The interaction tells you more about them personally than a reflection on your name

I can see how an anime fan might think that the person was named after an anime character but to suggest they chose it themselves is a bit odd.

FasciaDreams · 27/08/2023 11:34

StillWantingADog · 27/08/2023 11:33

I can see how an anime fan might think that the person was named after an anime character but to suggest they chose it themselves is a bit odd.

Show quote history

People don't name themselves after anime characters. I say this as a massive anime fan (although where I grew up anime was just normal stuff on our TV. lol)

WhateverMate · 27/08/2023 11:34

You haven't really given an example of them judging you?

They sound curious and some people think it's polite to take a friendly interest when they meet someone.

HiddenBehindANameChange · 27/08/2023 11:35

I have a surname that is ethnically not mine - because I married a British born man with a different heritage. It gets questioned.

The kids look like they have the heritage of whichever parent they are with - out with me, they look like tanned British kids with dark hair.
Out with DH, you can pretty much ignore their British bits. It's like they seamlessly shift from one to the other. Me, DH, and both kids have "english" first names and a "foreign" surname. I have struggled to get the kids out of DHs home country without birth certs etc when travelling alone - its assumed I'm not taking my kids with me.

I'd never ask.

Clarinet1 · 27/08/2023 11:35

I might say something like “That’s a lovely/unusual name - where does it come from?” and if told the story about your DM’s life being saved, I’d think it was a lovely tribute, no more than that. I think it’s awful that you get some of the reactions and assumptions you do. People pick names for all sorts of reasons; I know a couple who have made up their DD’s name from a combination of their own. I also went to college with a girl with a typical boy’s name (not one generally unisex like Alex, Kim etc) - Now she got some questions!

Yoghurtpotsatdawn · 27/08/2023 11:37

The last thing I’d think of is that you had picked the name yourself.

Cymbal · 27/08/2023 11:37

A lot of people assume from my first name that I'm Spanish or Portuguese. It doesn't bother me.

Alittlenonsensenowandthen · 27/08/2023 11:38

Is this person much younger than you? I've noticed with my kids friends that they choose names for themselves. Not nicknames but actual names that they want to be called. They're usually ridiculous! Wondered if it'd a generation thing

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 27/08/2023 11:39

I might be curious but I wouldn’t ask.

Same. Presumably loads of oroginally Spanish, French or Italian names which are now common for White Brits used to be unusual. I guess we just don't generally import Japanese names, or many names from non-European languages. Kind of nice to have a story about how you got your name though, even if you don't tell it to many people.

FasciaDreams · 27/08/2023 11:39

Also not really relevant OP but this reminds me of White Collar where both Ned and Mozzie ended up having babies named after them!
Still patiently waiting for a reboot with the kids taking after the glorious traditions of their namesakes... and their horrified FBI agent parents!

FasciaDreams · 27/08/2023 11:41

Clarinet1 · 27/08/2023 11:35

I might say something like “That’s a lovely/unusual name - where does it come from?” and if told the story about your DM’s life being saved, I’d think it was a lovely tribute, no more than that. I think it’s awful that you get some of the reactions and assumptions you do. People pick names for all sorts of reasons; I know a couple who have made up their DD’s name from a combination of their own. I also went to college with a girl with a typical boy’s name (not one generally unisex like Alex, Kim etc) - Now she got some questions!

I think noticing it's an unusual name is OK, but assuming it's from an anime is a bit off as it assumes the person couldn't possibly have any real-life reason.
However I don't think people intend to be rude as a PP said maybe they were too excited to find a fellow anime fan.

zingally · 27/08/2023 11:44

I'd have a passing interest, but I'd probably never ask.

I think in your case, I'd perhaps assume that you had a parent or grandparent from Japan, but you didn't inherit those physical features. It certainly wouldn't occur to me that you might have picked the name for yourself.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/08/2023 11:46

I'd assume that it was your name (shrug). But I'm not a snarky man wanting to make a woman feel awkward in a meeting.

One of my DDs has a name that's now largely associated with a completely different ethnicity due to a singer (who was 4 years old and thousands of miles away when DD was born). She gets bored with people telling her that a. She's named after the singer and b. That she's spelled it incorrectly.

CurlewKate · 27/08/2023 11:46

I wouldn't judge-what is there to judge about?-but I might be interested. And I might ask about it.

Reugny · 27/08/2023 11:50

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 27/08/2023 11:39

I might be curious but I wouldn’t ask.

Same. Presumably loads of oroginally Spanish, French or Italian names which are now common for White Brits used to be unusual. I guess we just don't generally import Japanese names, or many names from non-European languages. Kind of nice to have a story about how you got your name though, even if you don't tell it to many people.

What like Hebrew and Arabic?

When I was choosing my DD names many names commonly used around Europe where on the Hebrew and Arabic names lists I looked at.

In fact one of DD's middle names is found in Ireland and Japan as well as being Arabic. (The meanings differ.)

fairydust11 · 27/08/2023 11:53

ThisIsMyUsernameYesItIs · 27/08/2023 11:06

I was named after a Japanese lady who saved my mum's life while she was heavily pregnant (car accident). I wasn't given a middle name.

I started work at a new company last week. Was introducing myself to some people and someone asked if this was a name I picked myself from an anime. I don't broadcast the backstory and most people don't ask anyway so I do wonder if this was a common conclusion most would arrive at? Would you judge someone for having a foreign name?

YABU I wouldn't assume that you picked the name yourself
YANUB I would assume you picked the name yourself

I actually think that your new colleague is pretty rude to put you on the spot and ask you that in front of all of your other colleagues when you have just started.

I would wonder & possibly ask when I got to know you more, although my assumption would be you were of mixed heritage.

I think for someone to ask if you had named yourself speaks volumes about the person asking and I would be giving them a wide berth going forward.

BlackberryCrumbs · 27/08/2023 11:54

I'd also be curious but wouldn't ask.

There's a boy in one of my dc's class called Mohammad who's white with blonde hair, as are both parents. It's very unusual and I wouldn't be human if I didn't wonder! But I'd not specifically ask, they can obviously choose to name their child anything they want.

Ginmonkeyagain · 27/08/2023 11:59

Converts (or reverts as they are known in Islam) to Islam often take Islamic names - Cat Stevens becoming Yusaf Islam or Cassius Clay becoming Mohammed Ali for instance.

UpendedPineapple · 27/08/2023 12:04

I have friends who are part English and part Chinese. One of them looks entirely English - I'd assume the same with you to be honest. Or maybe that you'd be born in Japan.

ncob · 27/08/2023 12:05

I'd be interested to hear the story (really meaningful in your case) and would prob assume you may have distant heritage. Know lots of physically white British appearing people (colleagues, mainly) who have names from obviously other countries and many do have very distant ancestors linked to the name/country of origin.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 27/08/2023 12:16

I think this was an anime fan reaching out hoping for another anime fan! It is annoying if there is an insinuation you aren't quite British though, my dds have a 'foreign' second name and more unusual first ones and they have had a couple of stupid comments like 'where's that from, then?' or 'how do you say that?' which in this day and age feel very dated. Mostly people are interested though. My dd works in a shop and the people go on about 'immigrants' all the time which is tiring for her, given her dad was an immigrant.