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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU: Elderly parents do not care about their impact on the environment

481 replies

Scientistathome · 27/08/2023 08:07

My elderly parents acknowledge (in passing) that the human impact on the planet is destructive and that their family's future could be jeopardized.
However, they refuse to do anything about it. They burn gas and electricity in summer to keep warm (extra jumper? Nooo!), Will not Install solar panels (they can afford it), take unnecessary flights, ... the list goes on.
They flaty refuse to change any habits despite that they know they should and could.
I get quite mad with them!
AIBU?
I know it is their choice, not mine but it affects all of us (their grandchildren are quite disgusted with them).
Are other people's parents like this?
(I know that some parents cannot afford eco-friendly choices like solar panels)

OP posts:
TotalOverhaul · 27/08/2023 09:23

They probably walked absolutely everywhere for the first 25 years of their lives at least, ate rationed, local food and grew their own during the war and post war scarcity era. They have been frugal in their time. You focus on being frugal in your own lifetime. You can't control theirs.

I'm getting on now and I will travel. I have never driven a car, rarely buy new clothes, never update a house just for the sake of it looking fashionable. A few flights won't make my carbon footprint anywhere near as massive as that of some of my Extinction Rebellion friends who own several homes, several cars, drive their kids to school etc etc. Take the log out of your own eye first.

Tanith · 27/08/2023 09:24

Perhaps you could encourage them to leave all their money and assets to Friends of the Earth to make up for it?

Justcallmebebes · 27/08/2023 09:26

IAmAnIdiot123 · 27/08/2023 08:42

DS has had same phone for many years!

We thank him for his sacrifice.

Grin
TheYadaYada · 27/08/2023 09:26

Leave your poor parents alone.

My parents would not have forked out for solar panels as they simply would not have seen the return in their lifetimes. They also had their heating on for about 10 months of the year. They felt the cold!

They were however unintentionally green in their extreme parsimony. Never bought new clothes, would make do and mend. Used bath water on the garden. Re-used foil and even cling-film! No food whatsoever went to waste.

Preachy environmentalists are tedious in the extreme.

Nanny0gg · 27/08/2023 09:28

How 'eco' is the production of solar panels? And electric cars?

commonground · 27/08/2023 09:28

Elderly people do get really cold though, even with jumpers.

And as you acknowledge in your OP - human impact on the planet is destructive.
Having children IS the single worst thing you can do for the environment. Did you provide the grandchildren?

OilOfRoses · 27/08/2023 09:29

liveforsummer · 27/08/2023 09:20

It doesn't matter if leaded petrol was all there was. It's what they were spreading around the place. Not that unleaded doesn't have it's own problems.

The hyperbolic language about spreading and spewing and throwing isn't making your argument any more convincing. There was a fraction of the number of cars on the road then, they were a luxury and generally used where necessary compared to now. Flights were also a luxury as low cost airlines didn't exist it's not noble as such as there wasn't the choice but previously generations lived far less convenient lives due to not having this things we now do that also contribute to climate change

The UK has excellent public transport. That's not so where I grew up and so a car was something everyone had to get places. I do recognise that we have a lot of things that make life easier that they didn't have but it would be convenient to be able to have a backyard burnoff (I still remember my father burning a tyre, talk about pollution) and throw out things like they did. I do remember when the neighbour of my first rental decided to do us a favour (in his eyes) by coming over and spraying weed spray on my property (I put an end to that promptly). It was just how it was at the time, of course.

MsFannySqueers · 27/08/2023 09:30

@HellonHeels 😂imagining that comedy show where Alexander Armstrong used to press the secret button saying ‘kill them kill them now’ ha ha.

Blueey · 27/08/2023 09:30

The UK could cease to exist entirely and the planet would continue to warm up. Your parents flights and heating are not the problem. Industry, largely in countries like China, is the problem. All you are achieving by getting mad at them is potentially negatively impacting your relationship with them.

OilOfRoses · 27/08/2023 09:30

"Think about the world your parents grew up in. Their carbon footprint would have been a lot less then as they probably grew up without a car"

I know my father's family didn't have a car but he was one of 16 kids, so I think that cancels that out in environmental terms. 😄

Sallyh87 · 27/08/2023 09:30

Cosycover · 27/08/2023 08:20

So that's who's to blame for climate change then! We finally found them. Thanks for the heads up.

😂

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 27/08/2023 09:31

DinnaeFashYersel · 27/08/2023 08:58

Not the ageist pitchfork thread you were hoping for @Scientistathome ?

Be fair, been a while since a 'let's have a go at the old for something' thread was started.

TooBigForMyBoots · 27/08/2023 09:33

Scientistathome · 27/08/2023 08:36

Thanks everyone for your messages; on average, it seems that I am living in an 'eco-bubble' and not in step with Mumsnet users. And I am being unreasonable!

For the record, we did install solar panels, we try to reduce footprint (lower thermostat, less plastic use, take public transport, only 1 car, etc)

Personally, I expect less from younger generations as they have less money to pay for lifestyle changes (DS has had same phone for many years!). I feel that the burden of change should fall on older generations (including myself) as they often have more resources with which to do it.

It seems I'm living in an eco-bubble and not in step with Mumsnet users.

You live in a patronising, mansplaining bubble and not in step with your own parents, nevermind Mumsnetters.Hmm

Mrsjayy · 27/08/2023 09:33

commonground · 27/08/2023 09:28

Elderly people do get really cold though, even with jumpers.

And as you acknowledge in your OP - human impact on the planet is destructive.
Having children IS the single worst thing you can do for the environment. Did you provide the grandchildren?

My mum is always cold she double jumpers and hot water bottles rather than put her heating on to avoid astronomical bills, I'd rather she felt able to put her heating on.

ASCCM · 27/08/2023 09:33

You sound like a right self righteous dick tbh OP.

if I was them I’d do exactly what I please and then leave all my money to the cats shelter.

SoIinvictus · 27/08/2023 09:33

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 27/08/2023 09:31

Be fair, been a while since a 'let's have a go at the old for something' thread was started.

Show quote history

You must have missed the corker yesterday about them all being perverts if they go to the swimming pool while children are in there.

saraclara · 27/08/2023 09:33

I know it is their choice, not mine but it affects all of us (their grandchildren are quite disgusted with them).

That breaks my heart. I'd be more concerned with teaching your kids empathy and generosity of spirit, than bitching about your parents not spending a heck of a lot of money on solar panels.

Seriously, it's absolutely awful that you're letting your kids lay climate change at your parents' door. The vast majority of us don't have solar panels, so get off your high horse and lift your kids down too. Their grandparents are far more than their energy using decisions, and if you're letting the latter affect your children's relationship with them, you need to stop doing that @Scientistathome

WandaWonder · 27/08/2023 09:34

So you don't have a car, don't use central heating or air conditioning, don't fly anywhere, have no children. look around your house, how many gadgets do you own or non natural materials like, you only wear ethically sourced clothes?

HellonHeels · 27/08/2023 09:34

MsFannySqueers · 27/08/2023 09:30

@HellonHeels 😂imagining that comedy show where Alexander Armstrong used to press the secret button saying ‘kill them kill them now’ ha ha.

This whole thread is making me laugh now :-)

marshmallowfinder · 27/08/2023 09:36

Well I agree OP. It is selfish.

bellac11 · 27/08/2023 09:37

WorkingOnMyMindset · 27/08/2023 09:09

I’m surprised at the tenor of the responses here. I think @Scientistathome has lost perspective a bit, but I think there’s an underlying defensiveness and therefore hostility in the replies.

We all know that the window of time in which to act so that the planet remains habitable. That’s a fact.

Yes, our individual actions are a drop in the ocean, but our societies as we have constructed them are effective death cults in terms of sustainability now. It’s a chicken and egg thing: our governments represent us and they won’t change unless we do.

I love meat, and travel, and nice new stuff, but I’m inspired by people I know who’ve not flown in over 10 years, and repair DLL their stuff

Problem is that humans naturally seek status, and at the moment the very high status individuals are the ones living like total arseholes.

We’re never going to get it exactly right as we move from one form of civilisation to another - that’s the best case scenario - and @Scientistathome is getting unfair pelters imv.

Remains habitable for humans (and lots of other species)

The earth will remain, it was here before any species were on it and will continue to remain long after humans are wiped out or other species.

And then new ones will come along

Humans are not all important.

Dontcallmescarface · 27/08/2023 09:40

Fucking hell is there anything that doesn't get blamed on the elderly on MN.

Brexit
Tories getting elected
The housing shortage
State pension/winter fuel allowance costs
Climate change

Just let them get on with whatever life they have left...they'll be gone soon and you along with your children will never have to be "disgusted" by them again whilst spending all the inheritance money.

Dontcallmescarface · 27/08/2023 09:41

SoIinvictus · 27/08/2023 09:33

You must have missed the corker yesterday about them all being perverts if they go to the swimming pool while children are in there.

Show quote history

And the winter fuel allowance one.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/08/2023 09:41

yogasaurus · 27/08/2023 08:09

I can afford solar panels, I don’t want them thank you. And who decides if a flight is ‘unnecessary’, you?

This type of hectoring is what turns people off from listening

@Scientistathome

first response to your post has nailed it!

have a bit of respect for your parents

LlynTegid · 27/08/2023 09:42

I'd feel the same in your shoes. Mum not like that at all, has solar panels, renewed windows so no heating in summer, no car (and when did had a 1 litre one), hasn't flown in years (taken Eurostar).