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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband going on holiday without me and 4 month old

66 replies

AdrianeMole · 25/08/2023 19:14

AIBU that I'm feeling a bit upset about this, it's a week, long haul, no family support nearby. It's not like I'll be able to do the same anytime soon, because I'm looking after the baby.

OP posts:
VeridicalVagabond · 25/08/2023 19:17

Ordinarily I'm all for couples holidaying separately from time to time, I think it can be completely fine.

With a four month old baby at home? Absolutely fucking not. Unless he's going to nurse a beloved relative through their final hours, he's taking the piss.

If my husband jet setted off on a long haul holiday while I was slogging it alone with a baby he'd be coming home to all his shit on the porch.

DarkAndWild · 25/08/2023 19:17

Is this for his brothers wedding?

Wolfiefan · 25/08/2023 19:18

Why on earth is he doing this now? Is he always such a selfish and insensitive bellend or is this new behaviour???

Wendysfriend · 25/08/2023 19:19

Why did you not go too?

Why does he want to holiday alone?

Original poster
AdrianeMole · 25/08/2023 19:23

It's just his guy friends and it's a developing country not suitable for the baby. Not a wedding just where one of the friend group lives

OP posts:
NotTooOldPaul · 25/08/2023 19:24

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GCWorkNightmare · 25/08/2023 19:25

DH was away working 5.5 days a week when DD was that age anyway. No family help within thousands of miles.

I took DD long haul at 4.5 months old without DH. 🤷🏻‍♀️

HousePlantNeglect · 25/08/2023 19:26

Mine did this when my 1st baby was 9 months old and I'm still secretly moody about it! Because a) I've been pregnant or breastfeeding for bloody years and it's hard to leave each baby b) I'm skint from going part time and c) all
my mates are the same and collectively we can't afford a big long haul knees up (can barely manage a night away in UK once a year).

We are 50:50 on almost everything and I couldn't complain at all about him as a parent/husband otherwise. But this got to me because it's just not something I'd be able to do anytime soon.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/08/2023 19:27

AdrianeMole · 25/08/2023 19:23

It's just his guy friends and it's a developing country not suitable for the baby. Not a wedding just where one of the friend group lives

No it's not ok.

Ask him if he'd be willing to take the week off work and have the baby instead while you go off to Vegas on a girls trip. (Pretending breastfeeding doesn't exist if you're doing it). Of course he wouldn't do that. No no no. He has a child now life has changed

SouthLondonMum22 · 25/08/2023 19:30

It depends.

Will you be able to go away when you feel ready?
Does he generally do his fair share with the baby, around the house etc?

If so, I would be fine with it.
If not, I wouldn't be at all.

Bumblebee112 · 25/08/2023 19:44

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@NotTooOldPaul I really hope this is you being over dramatic and sarcastic 🙈 My DH works away from home 3 weeks away, 3 weeks at home. Has done since before DS was born. He definitely misses loads but he’s definitely human 😅

@AdrianeMole You’ll be fine for a week without him. Why do you need support locally for a week? I’m sure you’re perfectly capable. It’s shit if you aren’t given the same freedom if you decide you want it. Does he do his fare share of parenting?

Spacecowboys · 25/08/2023 19:45

I would be fine with this - as long as he normally does his fair share and you also have the opportunity to enjoy time away with friends.

rookiemere · 25/08/2023 19:48

It's great some people are cool with this, but I wouldn't be.

A week is a really long time away for a solo lads jolly with a baby of that age. DH did go away for a long weekend when DS was similar, but we had discussed and agreed it.

DH did have a lot of walking weekends when DS was younger,but I'm definitely getting my own back now as friends DCs also get older and they are more able to go away without them.

rookiemere · 25/08/2023 19:49

And having a DH working away is hugely different from one choosing to go away with his mates on a holiday.

gabagrowl · 25/08/2023 19:51

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Don't be absurd.

NotTooOldPaul · 25/08/2023 19:52

@Bumblebee112I was being over dramatic. Loads of parents are separated from their children by circumstances such as work commitments. I was wrong but I still say that I could never have gone away for a week on holiday and left any of my children when they were a baby.

Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday · 25/08/2023 19:53

It's 1 week.
You have 1 dc...
Enjoy the peace imo.

Spirallingdownwards · 25/08/2023 19:54

I wouldn't have a problem with it, but it's each to their own and if you do then it's a conversation you should be having. If you already have had what is it that you feel you can't cope with for such a short period?

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 25/08/2023 19:54

How long has the holiday been planned for?

My mum took me to the other side of the world when I was three months old (to visit family and friends) while my dad stayed behind to work. She managed fine and so did he.

I don't think it's an issue providing he steps up the rest of the time.

coxesorangepippin · 25/08/2023 19:58

Er, no.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/08/2023 19:58

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Genuinely - is this a joke? I really can't work it out.

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 20:05

We have regular breaks alone with friends as we have no family to have them for overnights and take maybe 4 nights each once a year and it's really great to get that break we wouldn't otherwise.

Yes, I am human.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/08/2023 20:06

Ah - I saw it was. Sorry, should have rtft.

Anyway - I'd be fine with this op...on the proviso that you get to do the same as soon as your baby stops being breast fed should you wish.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 25/08/2023 20:07

I'd be absolutely fine with it, as long as when the time comes he is happy to hold the fort at home whilst you go away.

My partner has been on weekends/long weekends/week long holidays.

My children are older than yours, and I've not been away for more than 2 nights as that is my personal preference - but if I wanted a week away then support would absolutely be there.

I take issue with separate holidays if a) the same time/budget isn't available to the other parent or b) it prevents breaks taken as a family.

4 months in there is normally some kind of routine, and a week would fly by.

dizzydizzydizzy · 25/08/2023 20:11

I would be fine with it as long as I
Could do the same.

I would enjoy having the house to myself.