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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am speechless AIBU to be?

55 replies

Glorytoglory23 · 23/08/2023 15:16

things are currently hard - I am doing a low pay job of 40 hours a week

Partner cant work due to arthritis but getting half his salary (£1,000) through insurance. Arthritis is better but he enjoys the peanut money he is getting for doing nothing and does not want to go out and work as he does not want to loose that small money from insurance

We have 2 kids and behind on all bills apart from rent.

My current job is remote and I do not need to have a camera on, I decided to get a similar job to do along with the current one even if it's for a month just to get the extra income to sort out owe d bills. Current job is customer service which means calls coming in randomly.

So 2nd job to start nxt month and 3 to 4 weeks of training and I thought I can carry on with my current job while training at the same time but it will be difficult & 2nd job will know if I am on camera.

I know this will be difficult even without camera but I need to do something fast for household income. I couldn't get another type of job for another time and having difficulties because o have CCJ's

So I told DH about the situation expecting him to hear me out but he flew off the handle, snapped at me saying it a stupid idea as if I am not trying to help us all as if he's bringing in enough to keep us afloat with the kids going back to sch and uniforms and shoes to buy and bill areas and lunch money etc

I was not expecting him to say oh carry on or lie to me but what I am saying is that he could have said it wont work in a different manner and tone.
When I told him he is snapping not about the fact of what I told him but because he can't stand me (because I think/feel like I am living with someone who is not in love with me and is got a problem with things that I say or do) & he said that my problem is the fact that I am not secure in myself .

ABIU to be pissed?

I know this is a long story and there is a relationship issue background to this that I can't go into

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 23/08/2023 15:23

Did he speak with contempt as his tone? It sounds as though honest conversations and finances need another going over. I don't think that your plans will work and it isn't worth potentially getting sacked as such.

pickledandpuzzled · 23/08/2023 15:43

That's his shame speaking. Or at least, it should be.

I think you need a rethink. I'm sorry things are so hard.

How is he helping? What could he do, so you don't need to attempt to do two jobs simultaneously and risk losing both?

Original poster
Glorytoglory23 · 23/08/2023 19:49

Thanks you all it is very hard for me to get a job. I am currently searching for data entry jobs with the hope that I can work on that in between calls or if by any chance I can go on with this 2nd job, I can also get the data entry as a 3rd job and make him train with me so that he can do the data entry job at home while I am working

OP posts:
MumUndone · 23/08/2023 19:56

I'm speechless you're planning to do two different jobs at once. You'll very likely be in breach of contract.

NewIdeasToday · 23/08/2023 19:58

This all sounds a mess and your partner certainly needs to step up and work. If you can work from home then so can he / even with arthritis.

Are you suggesting that you’ll try to do two full-time jobs at once? If so, you run a high risk of being fired from both of them for being dishonest. Apologies if I’ve misunderstood what you’re planning here.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 23/08/2023 20:02

Why is this all on you to sort? If your current job in 9 til 5 then wouldn't it be easier to do a weekend / evening job on top? I'd be asking him what his solution is rather than dismissing your solution he needs to come up with something. Arthritis is shit but surely he can do some wfh job

UsingChangeofName · 23/08/2023 20:13

Well, your suggestion of trying to do two jobs - including the fact you will be training for the 2nd job for weeks and not actually be able to do your current job is pretty ridiculous. Not as if it is something where you could do one job in the evenings / at weekends or something to catch up.

"Flying off the handle" doesn't sound ideal, but he's not wrong in letting you know that your idea is daft.

However, how long is he going to get this insurance payout ? I presume that isn't 'for life'. What is his plan then ? Whereas having arthritis is horrible and may mean he might not be able to do his previous role, it doesn't mean he can't work ever again. What is his longer term plan ?

Original poster
Glorytoglory23 · 23/08/2023 22:00

Is not the fact that he said the 2 job idea wouldn't work, that's not the problem for me because I knew so myself but only driven out of frustration & just wanted to chat with him about it.

It Is the manner in which he said it as though he is actually doing something about the situation which he isn't

There was no need to snap and fly off the handle as though we are millionaires & have no reason at all to consider even working

He spoke with disgust as though we haven't got kids to feed & uniforms to buy etc

This was the person that told me I should have paid a none urgent/important bill and be left with absolutely nothing for groceries for us at home.

I am just glad that the kids have never gone hungry and always have more than enough to eat which is my main prototype.

OP posts:
milknbean · 23/08/2023 23:26

I can't really follow it because there's clearly loads of back story between you that you don't want to give.

I can understand you being hurt. However, your scheme is really, really harebrained to the point that it w

milknbean · 23/08/2023 23:28

Oops sent to soon...

It would exasperate me listening to you moan about something that obviously was never going to work.

If you are like this frequently then I can understand him losing it a bit.

The main issue here, as you say, is him refusing to work because then he'll lose this monthly insurance money.

Original poster
Glorytoglory23 · 24/08/2023 05:21

This incident is the final nail in the coffin for me

He has always been like this

But I have always overlooked it when I shouldn't have because I have always had more than enough for everything before some change in circumstances for me.

OP posts:
ohcrums · 24/08/2023 07:11

Glorytoglory23 · 23/08/2023 19:49

Thanks you all it is very hard for me to get a job. I am currently searching for data entry jobs with the hope that I can work on that in between calls or if by any chance I can go on with this 2nd job, I can also get the data entry as a 3rd job and make him train with me so that he can do the data entry job at home while I am working

No don't be silly.

You get employed for the job you do the job

CherryMaDeara · 24/08/2023 07:20

Many people work with arthritis, with reasonable adjustments, it sounds like he just wants to not work.

You might be better off leaving him and applying for benefits.

Was he aggressive when flew off the handle?

Unicorn2022 · 24/08/2023 12:38

If he's still getting the insurance money for arthritis surely it's not better or he would be forced back to work. I must admit I would rather be paid £1k for doing nothing all month rather than £2k for a full month of slog which exacerbates the arthritis, but obviously your finances can't allow him to do that.

Have you checked if you are entitled to any extra benefits at the moment to top up your income? All this applying for second and third jobs will just get you sacked from the first job.

TheOhGodOfHangovers · 24/08/2023 12:42

Not the point but won’t at least one of your jobs be aware that you are working elsewhere because of your tax code?

TheBeesKnee · 24/08/2023 12:43

Glorytoglory23 · 23/08/2023 19:49

Thanks you all it is very hard for me to get a job. I am currently searching for data entry jobs with the hope that I can work on that in between calls or if by any chance I can go on with this 2nd job, I can also get the data entry as a 3rd job and make him train with me so that he can do the data entry job at home while I am working

Sorry what does this mean? Do you want to get a third job and then have him do it for you while also claiming insurance, or have I read that completely wrong?

You need an adult discussion about finances and him returning to work, not dropping random comments in about starting a second job and getting upset at how he reacts.

This entire thread is bizarre but maybe there's something I'm not understanding.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 24/08/2023 12:45

Income Protection normally has a payout period. What is his? Is it 2 years?

I would normally say he is being U not to work but ultimately he is still signed off. And having him do the work for a job while you get the money is insurance fraud.

VanCleefArpels · 24/08/2023 12:50

Are you claiming any benefits? Do an online benefits calculation on Turn2Us

Your husband may also qualify for PIP if his arthritis prevents him from going everyday tasks

TheBarbieEffect · 24/08/2023 12:54

Glorytoglory23 · 23/08/2023 19:49

Thanks you all it is very hard for me to get a job. I am currently searching for data entry jobs with the hope that I can work on that in between calls or if by any chance I can go on with this 2nd job, I can also get the data entry as a 3rd job and make him train with me so that he can do the data entry job at home while I am working

Don’t be so silly. It would be your job, not his. You can’t pretend you’re doing it while getting someone else to.

Silverdogblue · 24/08/2023 12:55

@Glorytoglory23 theres a Reddit sub called r/overemployment or overemployed with lots of tips on this. Good luck. Plenty of people do it.

Howdoesitworkagain · 24/08/2023 13:08

I think you’re both walking into problems.

You’re likely to be breaching your contract of employment and could well lose the job you have.

Your husband is committing fraud if he’s continuing to claim his income protection when he’s well enough to work. The insurers will probably catch up at some point. I work for one, they do investigate and come down hard on fraudulent claims and can use surveillance if there’s a reason to.

Stompythedinosaur · 24/08/2023 13:13

He shouldn't have been rude to you.

But I think your plan will end up with you losing both jobs. If you need a second job, can you find something for the evenings or weekends?

It sounds like you might have been hoping to prompt him into working, and that you might be skeptical about the extend of his ill health. I wonder whether that sort of issue has coloured the conversation a bit.

Peony654 · 24/08/2023 13:16

Howdoesitworkagain · 24/08/2023 13:08

I think you’re both walking into problems.

You’re likely to be breaching your contract of employment and could well lose the job you have.

Your husband is committing fraud if he’s continuing to claim his income protection when he’s well enough to work. The insurers will probably catch up at some point. I work for one, they do investigate and come down hard on fraudulent claims and can use surveillance if there’s a reason to.

This. He shouldn't have been angry but you are taking a massive risk trying to do two full time jobs within the same working hours. Surely his income protection gets reassessed, if you think he could do one of your jobs, surely he can get his own job.

RantyAnty · 24/08/2023 13:17

What does he do all day while you're working?

Can he train for a desk job?

LifeExperience · 24/08/2023 13:31

"Arthritis is better but he enjoys the peanut money he is getting for doing nothing and does not want to go out and work as he does not want to loose that small money from insurance."

THAT is your problem right there. Tell his lazy ass to get a job and help support his family, or he can hit the road and you'll have fewer mouths to feed.

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