I am speechless AIBU to be?

[Glorytoglory23]

things are currently hard - I am doing a low pay job of 40 hours a week

Partner cant work due to arthritis but getting half his salary (£1,000) through insurance. Arthritis is better but he enjoys the peanut money he is getting for doing nothing and does not want to go out and work as he does not want to loose that small money from insurance

We have 2 kids and behind on all bills apart from rent.

My current job is remote and I do not need to have a camera on, I decided to get a similar job to do along with the current one even if it's for a month just to get the extra income to sort out owe d bills. Current job is customer service which means calls coming in randomly.

So 2nd job to start nxt month and 3 to 4 weeks of training and I thought I can carry on with my current job while training at the same time but it will be difficult & 2nd job will know if I am on camera.

I know this will be difficult even without camera but I need to do something fast for household income. I couldn't get another type of job for another time and having difficulties because o have CCJ's

So I told DH about the situation expecting him to hear me out but he flew off the handle, snapped at me saying it a stupid idea as if I am not trying to help us all as if he's bringing in enough to keep us afloat with the kids going back to sch and uniforms and shoes to buy and bill areas and lunch money etc

I was not expecting him to say oh carry on or lie to me but what I am saying is that he could have said it wont work in a different manner and tone.
When I told him he is snapping not about the fact of what I told him but because he can't stand me (because I think/feel like I am living with someone who is not in love with me and is got a problem with things that I say or do) & he said that my problem is the fact that I am not secure in myself .

ABIU to be pissed?

I know this is a long story and there is a relationship issue background to this that I can't go into

@Howdoesitworkagain he is not committing any fraud as he is not working and he's genuinely got arthritis which he sees the consultant for very frequently

@LifeExperience You bang on there and I know that is the problem.

@RantyAnty

"What does he do all day while you're working?

Can he train for a desk job?"

Re your comment above, it reminded me a little while ago when I told him to get remote desktop job working from home and he said he hasn't got funds to buy a PC/laptop because I had to buy a PC for my 1st remote job. Just excuses because he does not want to work.
Most of these companies give/send employees computers to use for the job.

so what do you get from him being in the relationship?

I wouldn’t be so sure… if he’s getting 50% of his earnings, that sounds like an income protection policy, and payout for that is conditional on not being well enough to work. The insurers will often have a statutory obligation to check in. Do you know if it’s a different type of policy? That’s the only way I can see it being non-fraudulent.

@Howdoesitworkagain
He is not committing fraud because I know and the consultant know he cannot do his previous job at all and he is at home not working so there is nothing to find if they investigate

Like I said my issue was his reaction to me getting a 2nd job in the 1st. He should not have reached the way he did even if he knows or thinks it won't work.

I suppose it's depends on where the arthritis is as to what jobs he can do. Obviously hes not going to be out doing construction if it's in his knees, ankles, etc.
Speaking as someone with it and several family members have it.

In this case, I'd be done with him.

He's be deliberately lazy, weaponized incompetence, and making your life more difficult.
Someone who truly cares about you and the DC wouldn't do this. He doesn't care. He just likes an easy life for himself.

You're doing the housework, cooking, getting DC ready while he showers and does the bare minimum of dropping off the DC the you got ready.

A laptop is maybe 500, so easily affordable.

Is it osteoarthritis or rheumatoid?

OP.

You sound like the adult, trying to fix problems, and he's dragging you down.

Honestly, you can expend more (wasted..) effort trying to get him to step up and take a fair share of the income earning and/or childcare, or you can cut your losses.

Because either you need him to step up (it isn't going to happen) or you need to leave.

You cannot run yourself into the ground with this "partner" dragging you down.

You need to wake up.

Why are you taking on more and more and more of the load?

Honestly, it would be better if you were a single parent in this situation, at least you'd be entitled to benefits if you're on such a low income, and you woudn't have his lack of emotional support/outbursts to deal with.

You do know that, don't you? life would be far easier if he wasn't in it, dragging you backwards. role model a better life than he's showing to your kids.

imagine your daughter ending up like this - running herself into the ground with a "partner" like this. awful. worse than having an enemy, someone who's sabotaging you but meant to care for you.

As long as he has worked in the last 2 years and paid taxes he can claim ESA if he cannot work due to disability. As its contributions based for the first year, the household income is irrelevant. Its approx 165 every 2weeks during the assessment period, that rises to 260 after he has a face to face assessment. He just needs a fit note from the GP and can fill the form in on line. Wait time is quicker that PIP and UC, I got mine in around 3 weeks. I think thats the least he could do( and Im someone who cant work due to disability).

Has he put in a claim for PIP or contribution based ESA? If he is unable to work due to I’ll health he may qualify for one or both. I presume you’ve already checked to see if you qualify for UC.

you working 2 full time jobs just to keep your heads above water is not going to work. You need to sit down and have a proper look at debts and budget and work out what you can do as a family to get on a more even keel.

He doesn’t sound like he likes or respects you. Are there good things in your relationship?

He’s a workshy twat isn’t he? Let’s be honest.

@Silverdogblue

I have checked but I can't find that thread can you elaborate or help me find it pls

Thanks

https://www.reddit.com/r/OveremployedUK/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1

Sorry, I should have been clearer. You don’t have to be working whilst making the insurance claim in order for it to be fraud. The fraud occurs because of being well enough to work (regardless of whether you do choose to work or not) and yet still claiming.

So it was the fact that you said:
“Arthritis is better but he enjoys the peanut money he is getting for doing nothing and does not want to go out and work as he does not want to loose that small money from insurance”

…that made me realise it sounded fraudulent.

Some of it will depend on the policy (eg if it’s own occupation).

But trust me, just because he’s not working doesn’t mean he’s not committing fraud. Our surveillance has sometimes been based on people being well enough to go out on long dog walks and everything when they’ve said they’re not physically able to work.

Forget the 2nd job - get your lazy partner to get a proper job.

@Silverdogblue thanks for the link

@Howdoesitworkagain
Thanks for the explanation and I completely understand what you are saying again and again and I repeat, he is not committing any fraud at all but you are just adamant going on about your point on fraud. Like I said he is not committing fraud and I know and understand how insurance work & your point is not an unknown one at all- it is common knowledge btw.

Shall I send you his name, address & name of the insurer for surveillance so that the spies can bore themselves to death stalking and watching his every move as it seems you are more interested in his insurance pay and convinced that he is committing fraud.

Good grief.
Howdoesitworkagain
Put a sock in it about the fraud.
I bet you tattled at school too.

What childish answers the last 2 posts are.

Reading the thread, @Howdoesitworkagain is just offering her experience / knowledge about this area. A lot of people wouldn't know this. If you do, then all you have to say is "Yes, thanks, we are aware of that". There is just no need for snide remarks.
Particularly, as you (OP) were the one who was suggesting you apply for another job and get him to do the work........

Thank you @UsingChangeofName :)

@RantyAnty Thanks a bunch

@UsingChangeofName thank you
Yes she works in the industry but she does not need to keep saying same thing over and over again. Said it 1st time and it was legible to read, y repeat it over and over again???

But what about your tax code? Both of your job's payroll departments will know you're working elsewhere because of your tax code.