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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A moral question for you all

482 replies

WhaleSharkBootySweat · 22/08/2023 09:43

Imagine you go into a really nice small business selling either homewares or food. You pick something up that you really like, but it's the end of the month and you can't really afford it. What is the main reason that stops you from stealing it?

A.) Fear of getting caught, punished, criminal record, shame, losing your job
B.) Sympathy for the small business owner, not wanting them to lose money

Or something else.
For me it's massively more B but then I don't steal from chain stores, so I guess A must come into it then?
I just wonder where these moral decisions we make daily come from. Is it fear of repercussions or genuine moral compass? Why do a third of shoppers steal from self checkouts but wouldn't steal from a cashier at the till?
I think about the idea that if there wasn't law and order, then we would all steal and murder, but I genuinely believe that most of us wouldn't? I mean I've never felt compelled to, but why is that? Empathy?

OP posts:
saraclara · 22/08/2023 10:20

thebellagio · 22/08/2023 09:50

Its neither. It literally wouldn't even enter my thought process let alone enter my thought process enough to debate the moral conundrum

That. It simply wouldn't cross my mind.

ASDMumof2 · 22/08/2023 10:20

Keep telling yourselves it your moral compass that stops you stealing one day you will be tempted to steal!

For me, no crime is victimless. You steal from any shop, we all pay cos prices go up so you're only stealing room yourself and that my friends is stupid 1o1!

crosstheriver · 22/08/2023 10:20

Theft is wrong, so I don't steal. It's that simple.

It wouldn't matter to me if the person I was stealing from was a small business or a multinational corporation - it's just wrong. I also wouldn't do it even if there was no chance I would get caught, or if the law against stealing was repealed.

I intensely dislike how some people behave, but all I can do is attempt to follow certain rules myself. For example, during the riots here, I didn't steal anything even though it felt like everyone else was looting. My moral compass is not affected by what other people do or don't do - it's hardwired into me.

rollonretirementfgs · 22/08/2023 10:21

I don't think it crosses most normal peoples mind to steal from a shop!

FictionalCharacter · 22/08/2023 10:22

Neither. I'm just not a thief. What a strange, messed up question.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 22/08/2023 10:24

So

There are more and more cropping up with "I'd never steal, it's absolutely wrong... well unless I was starving..."

This is why there's no simple "moral" answer. Because some will say its wrong full stop whereas some will say its wrong except for in X, Y or Z situation (and some most likely would just say its not wrong in X, Y and Z and skip the part where they pretend to be wholly against it before putting conditions on). As a PP said, I'm sure many of us have "unintentionally" stole from a supermarket and not said anything because we've justified it "oh well, it's only one bag", "well if they'd done their job properly they wouldn't have missed this item", "it was reduced so it would be thrown away anyway" etc

Stealing to sell - those people might argue they are doing so because they want to earn money... (I don't agree BTW, just pointing out the argument)

queenofthebongo · 22/08/2023 10:24

It's called integrity.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/08/2023 10:25

"B definitely is about morals
Is it morally worse to steal from a shop where the owners are scraping by compared to stealing from a big chain who have massive loss adjustment areas anyway and profit gouge?"

A lot of small business owners are not just 'scraping by'. Some are very wealthy.

LlawerOCrap · 22/08/2023 10:25

Because its wrong, the thought of stealing wouldn't even cross my mind.

TicTacNicNak · 22/08/2023 10:26

Partly B and also C: it's theft, and I was brought up to know right from wrong.

Also D, I've always believed that if I do something bad, something bad will happen to me (karma?)

bonzaitree · 22/08/2023 10:26

It wouldn’t even cross my mind to steal it, let alone having an ethical dilemma about it.

ChrisPPancake · 22/08/2023 10:27

TibetanTerrah · 22/08/2023 09:52

It just wouldn't occur to me that stealing was an option Confused

If I couldn't afford it, I'd just wait til payday or not have it. Those are the options...

Yup. This.

Elphame · 22/08/2023 10:27

It would simply not occur to me to steal it.

That "option" is not on my moral compass.

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/08/2023 10:27

Because it’s wrong, in those circumstances anyway.

becomes more complicated when it’s a very hungry person stealing food or a parent stealing nappies, for example.

minipie · 22/08/2023 10:28

C) I subconsciously recognise that if I steal then that makes it ok for others to steal from me, and I don’t want to live in that kind of a world.

Basically the social contract - treat others as you wish to be treated.

RiverDulas · 22/08/2023 10:28

C) Stealing it wouldn’t cross my mind. I know I can’t have it and it’s not mine, so that would be the end of the story. I would just admire it from afar.

Insommmmnia · 22/08/2023 10:28

It would never occur to me to steal, so I wouldn't have to make the decision between its illegal or its a small business owner and not fair.

ungryHippy · 22/08/2023 10:31

My conscience wouldn't let me steal from anyone because I know it's wrong.

youaintmymother · 22/08/2023 10:32

You pick something up that you really like, but it's the end of the month and you can't really afford it.

C - I can't really afford it. 🤷

Dita73 · 22/08/2023 10:33

The majority of people are educated that it’s wrong to steal and it won’t even occur to them

FatOaf · 22/08/2023 10:33

(C) It belongs to somone else and it is wrong to steal it. No other reason needed. This is a very different scenario from stealing food when you're starving (unless you're stealing it from someone else who will starve without it).

The belief that your wants are more important than anyone else's needs or rights has become very prevalent in western society over the past few years, and is one of the reasons why our country - like many others - is such a sewer. The rise of social media, video-game & television alternative reality does much to promote this belief that everything and everybody else in the world only exists as part of your story.

FuzzyPenguin · 22/08/2023 10:33

Same as already been said, stealing is wrong, it would not enter my head to take something so A&B would not come into it.

tara66 · 22/08/2023 10:34

Were you not taught ''right'' and ''wrong'' by parents , school, random elders as a child? Can;t understand you left out this as a reason not to steal from anyone or anything that did not happen to be ''a really nice, small business''.

theemmadilemma · 22/08/2023 10:36

Reading that my head goes 'YOU JUST DON'T'.

All of a and b. Neither make you a nice person contributing well to society. Isn't that enough of reason?

Darkmodal · 22/08/2023 10:38

Echoing others, it doesn't occur to me to steal, therefore the options are meaningless to me.

I believe the mark of a person is how they behave when no one is looking.