AIBU or is this just rude?

[totallybonafido]

We have some friends, a family of 4, who have invited themselves over for lunch at the weekend. Just straight out, "how about we come to yours for lunch on Saturday" 😯 I see this as blatant CF'ery, DH doesn't think it's an issue. Not only have they invited themselves, they've also suggested that we invite some other mutual friends too! DH has already agreed to all of this, like a mug 😡. They live in a small flat so never host us, and I don't usually mind that, but it's manners to wait for an invitation!

Go out for a spa day. DH can host, buy all the food & drink and cook!

This wouldn't happen in our house because we are both miserable antisocial bastards, but if my DH's friends invited themselves over and DH agreed, DH would find himself doing a lot of shopping, cooking and entertaining. I might even absent myself for the day and do something I did want to do.

If it was close friends or family that i want to see, would say yes and you bring so and so and i will do so and so. If it wasnt then, i would say no and go out for lunch. I have , apologies in advance, said this to people, whoever i have brought lunch with me so they all they do its provide Delph and cutlery,

Since he invited them, your dh needs to meal plan, shop, cook, and clean up the meal. He also needs to clean the house before and after. What? He doesn't want to do all that? Then he can uninvite his friends ASAP.

So many MNers seem to be "friends" with people they don't like and see as CFers at the drop of a hat.

I'm only friends with people whose company I enjoy so if friends of mine invited themselves round, even though it's not something I'd do, I'd still be pretty happy to see them. And I enjoy hosting so I wouldn't feel put out.

If they were more DP's friends and I was less enthusiastic about them, I'd still assume the same dynamic was true for him. He'd have to do the heavy liftng of hosting though. But I wouldn't be seething about it.

Obv I'd be furious if people I didn't really like invited themselves over but then they'd neither be my friends nor DP's so it's an unlikely scenario.

He agreed. So you go out and leave it to him to sort out.

I’d have no issue with this, you can say no. However I suppose it depends on how long you’ve known them and how close you are

My hubby & I had an agreement, whoever did the inviting did the cooking & all that entails. I didn't mind helping a bit, but I was not doing all the hard work whilst he played lord of the manor. He did most of the inviting & the shopping, cooking & clearing up afterwards. I loaded the dishwasher.

I hope he's prepared to clean the house, buy the food and cook then.

Tell DH that as he agreed to them coming, then he can do ALL of the work, as you don't want them there. If he doesn't want to do it, then he calls them and cancels. SIMPLE!

Why not just say yes but we will get a takeaway as I don’t want to cook; then they buy theirs. Ask them to bring drinks

Make a big pot of soup and have bread rolls. That's a Saturday lunch for me. If they wanted more, they should have catered for themselves.

That said, I think I'd be making a hair appointment or nails or something that'll take you out of the house for the duration of the visit and let your DH fend for himself!

I’d make myself scarce that day. Let DH host them on his own otherwise he won’t get the message.

Does it have to be fancy? Cheese sandwiches and crisps?

Say to them as we are hosting you bring the food (rude right back at them) they might think twice the next time

They obviously want to be couple/family friends. If you don't want that just give your DH the heads up and you can have something to do when they come round. It isn't cheeky to ask, you've only got to say no. Do your children get on?

So rude. I would expect them to being at least a case of wine and puddings.

If they are DHs friends not yours and he’s had the contact, get him to message back ea choice of - oops, forgot wife’s friend/parents are coming over that day, but I can come to yours if you still want to meet that day,

or - DW has just reminded me we are getting a new cooker installed that weekend, kitchen is completely out of bounds, we can come to you or go to a pub

or - weather looks too nice to waste, let’s meet for a picnic at X.

Or just “sorry being talking it through with dw with what we’ve got going on and that’s not going to work for us, hope you and [other friends] are able to sort something.”

We've got a similar set up to this and I quite like it.

I'm not sure I would if I was never getting the favour returned though!

I knew some people like this. Invited themselves over to our house for a barbecue 2 weeks after I gave birth to our third child. Didn't bring anything with them except a box of 4 beers for him, rolled their eyes at each other over or our poor offering of some burgers and sausages and side salad (because that's all we had the energy and money for!), brought their child who they initially said wouldn't be coming and who then proceeded to waste most of the plate of food they had piled up for her, then left a few hours later taking the remaining beer that he hadn't consumed 😂

This wouldn’t bother me at all. I like it when people make suggestions / decisions. But then I quite like hosting.

its fine? Friends and I say similar. Surely things don’t need to be formal in friendships? I agree though if they’re more DH friends he can cater for them. Or alternatively just say “actually shall we eat out instead? Don’t feel like hosting!”

Aren't you washing your hair on Saturday?

May we be spared "friends" like this.

May we learn to say "No" firmly.